At what point do people stop pretending they know what they’re doing and actually figure life out?

maybe when you stop caring so much and just go with it

That's the neat part: you don't!

To be honest, I'm convinced that anybody who says they've got it all figured out is either lying or trying to sell me something. I'm almost 50 and I still bumble my way through life. **The only thing I've really learned is that happiness is in the present.** You can't bank happiness away by working all your todays and telling yourself that *tomorrow* you'll make time to play. There's no guarantee that there will *be* a tomorrow and if there is, you'll only be older, and a human whose personality is acutely defined by that early lack of happiness. Live in the present and gather new friends and experiences like you'd gather wildflowers in a field. Unlike the flowers, the experiences will never rot and the smiles will last forever.

Everyday is a new challenge, you just get more experience to know how and what to do.

When you realize what you want versus what you need. When you realize what makes you happy versus what you think is supposed to make you happy. When you realize that there’s not a thing in the world that can make you happy if you’re not happy with yourself. Those are some basics I’ve learned. And I haven’t figured it all yet out either. But getting there.

I believe the average age for having "figured it out" is somewhere between 230 and 300 years old. Taking all my decades into account, it seems somewhere about right in that range

I’m going to be a bit contrarian here. I know the general sentiment is to say that nobody ever figures it all out, and that is true. However, there are some things you can learn and master to some extent that will help you feel like you have some control in your life. -Learn how to keep a monthly budget and stick to it. Also understand saving for retirement. -Find what kind of physical activity is fun for you and do it regularly. -Learn how to meal plan and incorporate healthy foods into it. -In your career, research how you can learn skills that will make you more valuable. Get input from your supervisor on what specific things you can do to contribute more value to the company so that you can advance your career. Change career tracks if no such opportunities exist. -Decide to be someone who is up for an adventure. Accept offers for fun experiences, or suggest fun experiences with others. That will help you feel like you are on the right track toward “figuring it out”. It’s a never ending process, but there are things you can do besides accepting that you’ll always just be floundering around. For me these things started coming together strong in my mid 30’s. But that doesn’t have to be the case for everyone. Some will progress sooner, and some might learn these things much later. It’s all good.

Everyone here seems to be of the opinion of "never". Sometimes I worry about humanity. I'm in my mid 40s now. I'd say I figured life out somewhere in my early to mid 30s in retrospect. I know what I'm good at and what to do to make a comfortable living. I know how to navigate pretty much anything I encounter, including the death of family and loved ones - it sucks, but it sucks less over time. These days, I understand what's being said in a conversation, and also what's not being said, to a decent extent. I have a decent grasp of workplace politics and know how to deal with sociopaths (find a new job). I can fix a car or a motorcycle and build a house. I shouldn't be pouring foundations (because the price for mistakes is truly spectacular), but the rest I can do - frame, plumbing, electrical, insulation, drywall, exterior walls, roofing. I know how to handle finances, savings, investing (wish I'd learned that one a little earlier tbh) and how to deal with vehicle / car / medical insurance. I don't know everything - very, very far from it - but I know how to survive and thrive and that would have been happy news for me in my 20s, because I sure as heck didn't back then.

When reality bites

Most people never do. They just get better at hiding the mess. There's no magic age where it clicks. You just get more comfortable not knowing

Never, but also perhaps periodically. Just a personal theory: we continually repeat a 4 part cycle as we get older and the more times we repeat the cycle the more we mature. Those 4 parts can be loosely identified using the 4 high school years, freshman through senior. The first part of the cycle is basically that you don’t know anything; looking to explore with an acknowledgement of no real experience. The second part—sophomore comes from the Greek words for wisdom and moron—is the part where you know enough to think you know, but you don’t know what you don’t know, so you really don’t know what you think you know. Just like a 15 year old with an attitude. Then you start to know enough that you become responsible for knowing. You get your drivers license. You become team manager. You take a mentee. Then you get to the top point where you’re peers with the people you emulated and you come to realize no one really knows; but you know what you know and you know what you don’t know and that’s how you get by. Then you move on to the next chapter and repeat the cycle.

Truth is, most of us are one good year away from having figured shit out. And one bad month away from feeling like they know nothing about this world. I used to have a decent job. I was also forever single, so I lived with my mom, which saved me a shitload of money. Things were fine for years. I felt like I had life figured out. Then I found a girlfriend and lost a job. Now for the first time in my life I felt a genuine need to have a separate place to live. A place not located 2 hours away from where my gf lives. I also had to compare myself against the job market. And it was my first real time doing so, since my previous job was secured by a friend. And suddenly I don't have my life figured out at all.

Age 35.

Pssst, hey kid, over here. Listen up, I’m only gonna say this once. Don’t sweat the small stuff, and it’s ALL small stuff. Now get outta here ya scalleywag.

We’re all just winging it. There are no adults

I can answer this for you OP. My dad told me "never make any decisions until you're 43" At 43 I asked him again and he said "43? No I meant 63!" I have a feeling I know what the answer will be when I reach tjay age...

Well, first of all you've got to eliminate all the obvious stuff that's f****** your life up to varying degrees. Drinking, smoking, lying, cheating, stealing, hiding things, living beyond your means, gossip, blaming, poor diet and lifestyle, and hanging around with the wrong people, who will also tend to do any and/or all of the above. As long as any of that's present you're not going to be an integrated whole that can take the stress of life, you're going to be constantly repairing leaks (bad things that crop up). You've got to tighten up. Once you've done that, you're life will change. You'll take better care of yourself and those around you. The things you do will be additive and they'll stick, rather than constantly falling apart. And you'll start to attract better quality people and conditions in your life. From there you'll also develop a better intuition, and a sense of what you need to do at any given moment. Life is continual education. Keep learning new things. Read good books and resources. Ask for help when you need it. Attract smart people. Smart people with their shit together have no problem saying they don't know something. No need to act overconfident because they're hiding some kind of lack, whether that's knowledge, money, resources, solutions, and ideas. Life has life figured out. You don't need to, because you can't. What you can do is make yourself into the best vehicle you can be to ride through life in the best way possible.

Most people never "figure life out". We're all just making it up as we go

That's the funny part. You never actually figure it all out. Wisdom is realizing that everybody else is faking it too. Especially the ones claiming to have figured it out.

Honestly it depends on the person some people still don't know what they're doing long into their elderly years

Never. Even when you think you have things figured out, you still have more you'll have to figure out

Never! But you get a better hang of it day by day as long as you pay attention

There is nothing to figure out. All we have is today. We can only do what's in front of us; the next right thing. "Man makes plans, and God laughs." 'figuring it out' is just letting go of the feeling that one needs to have it all figured out. Be loving toward yourself and those around you and allow life to be what it is.

It’s an ongoing process 

Never. We're all winging it, truthfully

When I was young my Dad had a T-shirt that said “I have abandoned my search for truth and am just looking for a good fantasy.” I didn’t get it back then, but I certainly do these days…

NEVER

You can never figure it out, not only because you just focus on the next most important thing once you get something under control, but 'it' is always changing as your conditions change, so you have to try to figure out how to deal with the new normal which changes slightly every day of your life. There's so much you're not in control of that can affect you from the weather, economy, interpersonals, health, and countless other factors that you can never be fully prepared to deal with all of it and just have to do as best as you sincerely can which is what humans are hardwired to do.

Not sure but it’s some time after death and just before the end of eternity I believe…

You can do that?

Speaking from my heart, im not sure this applies to everyone, but it did to me: When you forgive yourself for not knowing anything and the consequences that you and others face for that, it makes trying to know "something, anything" much more worthwhile pursuing. In the pursuit of knowing "anything", you find out a few things along the way, and start to learn. Nobody knows how the world works really, but many people know a little.

I've stopped pretending I know what I'm doing, and just ask questions instead. There is no "figuring life out", life is too complicated to ever throw into one basket. Every time you ask a question and get an answer, however, you get to figure that one little part of life out, and that new knowledge can cascade into figuring even more things out. That's all life really is in my opinion; the pursuit of knowledge and happiness. And because that pursuit can never end, there is no true way to "figure life out".

Nobody knows much of anything these days. A vast majority of us thrive based on systems and infrastructures built long before us and maintained by very few. At least 90% of adults I meet are functionally kids with jobs and more responsibility

When they lose the ego and take responsibility. No ego and no responsiblity = depression, ego and no responsiblity = narcissism. Finding the sweet spot is what takes time.

A couple years after their funeral.

I'm nearly 50 and I haven't figured it out yet. If you learn how, check back with me I'd like to know.

Something that helps me sometimes is telling myself that comparison is the thief of joy.

You just get less embarrassed about not knowing. That's about it

I believe the trick is pretending so much that people actually believe you Nobody has it figured out. Even billionaires don't have it figured out. Look at the shit show they're creating because they're bored, greedy or selfish. Poor people don't have it figured out. People who claim to live a life of pure zen like devout monks or Buddhists don't have it figured out as they're all looking for a purer way to enlightenment. You can have varying levels and conditions on what you would live a happy life, and maybe you could achieve that too, but there will ALWAYS be more you want, more you need to figure out, more you want to do. Nobody has it f****** figured out.

they don’t

You can’t Figure life out

Well Donald will tell us when he feels it in his bones. Patiently awaiting his truthful words😜 .

Well, you never really figure life out. You have a pretty good idea at times about what that means to you and anything beyond that is kind of still pretending, even if it is unintentional. Life is just too complex. I think everyone is just trying to make sense of their bleep on this earth. That in itself creates all this awe, anxiety, and other feelings that manifest in various ways for different people. Yea, so just try your best to be at peace.

probably when they leave the workforce

Literally never. Anyone telling you otherwise is delusional or selling you something.

They don’t, that’s the cool trick!

I'm over 40... When you find out, let me know. Till then, I'll keep winging it

I’m 57 and I haven’t got it figured out!

Never

False premise. Nobody ever does.

Never, we’re all just trying to get by

Never. I design consumer electronics for a living and we're always implementing new technology, it never ends. Stuff is always cheaper, smaller, faster or weirder than ever before. Same goes for life. You grow up, get into serious relationships, buy apartments, houses, boats and a ridiculous amount of furniture and lawn implements. And on it goes...

You never really figure it out. You just get better at handling the stuff that used to break you

You guys have figured out your life?

*Alexa, what is the Dunning-Kruger Effect?*

Apparently when you get really old you suddenly figure out how everything should be done and spend all your free time trying to tell young people how they should do everything.

I don’t think you do, I just think some people make less dumb decisions than others

32 almost 33, have all my shit together financially and romantically per social standards. Still faking the f*** out of it tho, don’t ask me how I got here.

Lol. Lmao even.

30’s or late 20’s

I don't think they ever do. Those that claim they've got it all figured out are a few bad days from a complete mental breakdown. I think we're all learning as we go along.

Wait! We are supposed to know what we are doing?!

Figuring it out is usually just guessing confidently enough people believe you

It depends if you want to grow and challenge yourself. It’s seems the more I learn, the less I really know.

Probably a week after they die. Maybe later.

I'm in my mid 30s and I feel like I have better decision making and notice more B.S. Yet by no means have it figured out. Life's too unpredictable. My motto is "just try your best".

What kind of nonsense question is this?! Figure life out? What the f*** are you talking about?

For me, it will be the day before I die.

Started diguring it out properly at about 27. The main thing you need to recognise is that you're not supposed to know everything and you constantly need to find ways to adapt. For me, that meant learning to act independently of other's feelings and relying more on people when I didn't know something. It also means being better at identifying what information I'm missing.

Any time now!

Never 😂. So don’t worry about it just try to enjoy it as much as possible

lol

I’m 75. If it ever happens, I will let you know.

For me it was my first office job. There was an order to the madness and I had to learn it. Did that for a while and suddenly you know your little sphere better than anyone. Expand on that basically.

I think that’s not the best way to look at it. I do think you eventually start to recognize signs and patterns, with the benefit of wisdom. We live in a random and chaotic universe, there is simply no way of predicting every curveball life throws your way. No one has it all figured out, some of us are just better at pretending.

You never figure life out you just fake it and hope it goes well.

It's more like (at least for me) the older I've gotten, the less I "pretend" and the more I've accepted I don't fully know what I'm doing or where I'm going, but that I trust I'm headed in a good direction because whenever I get the sense I'm not, I make a pivot or change in my life. I have no clue what the f*** I'm doing 90% of the time in all genuine honesty. I just try things that feel right, and when it works, it works. When it doesn't, it doesn't. The important part is I just keep trying and doing things.

Point is different for everyone kid. I'm definitely right now in the best place I've ever been mentally, emotionally, financial security - but I know I still have a lot to learn, and a lot to develop yet. Stop learning, start dying.

If you learned anything from the email correspondence between people of elite power. Obviously they never learned grammar. I think you are doing pretty ok.

Never. People get dumber as they age.

Not once. What’s cool is people figure out how to manipulate other people into thinking they know and then into thinking that questioning them is offensive and then they find each other and continue to pretend.

The older you get, the more you realize that everyone else are (still) winging it too.

Six or seven years ago. I'm 64.

When you learn to feel comfortable with yourself.

You figure parts out? Never everything. I've been good at certain jobs I've had, but then really bad at making my dental insurance actually pay me for my dental work or stupid adult stuff like that..

This year is the first time in my life where I felt like if my fiance gets pregnant my life wouldn’t end and we could just have the kid and struggle through parenthood. As soon as that thought crossed my mind I was like…wow I’m old enough to just roll with the biggest of the punches I guess, this is life. So never having it figured out but knowing that you can figure it out some way

HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAAAHHH… wut?

About half way through building the IKEA shelf is when I look at the directions.

That’s my secret cap…. You never figure this shit out.

When they join Instagram, apparently.

Depends what you mean by figured life out. I feel like I have from my perspective.

after I joined r/focusedmen and locked in, ignored all the noise and only focused on signal

56 and a half.

I can't stop pretending cause then my daughter would notice and be appropriately terrified and I'm trying to avoid that for her.

Fake it till you make it

sunscreen song - baz

Everything in this world is made up. Rules, regulations , culture norms everything at one point was made up and people just kept it going.

Lol oh my sweet child no one knows what they are doing.

The funny thing is, I think by realizing that I don’t have to have it all figured out, I finally figured it out. I don’t have all the answers. Hell, I don’t even have some of the answers, really. But I feel good more often than I don’t, and I’m enjoying my life more often than not, and other people seem to like me the way I am. What more do I need?

Some commenters say they haven't got it figured out, but they do - when they're living in the moment. Yes, there is a sort of "point," usually when a person has done some serious personal work, in whatever form, as a necessary way of processing hard trauma. Then you learn amazing lessons, like the "60 second psychology" type of short videos give us. E.g. the the voices berating you in your head, aren't your own voice; you can separate from that. That you can **Allow** all the feelings without that killing you, and then you go "meta" and look at yourself from above, with tons of love and forgiveness. You take responsibility for the very worst things you feel terrible about, and then totally forgive in every direction. André Malraux the author, interviewed a very old village priest, "what did you learn." "That there are no adults," meaning, that you and everyone else is acting out the childhood stuff that was too much to handle at the time, Freud's "uncompleted action." What crashed over you like a tidal wave as a child, you can truly feel and handle now as an adult, and that is healing. If all of the above, and other similar key wisdom, is thoroughly in your bones, then you're at the "point."

I'm 51 and haven't yet. I know some things, but I'm still making things up as I go.

Kinda never. You figure out some parts but you just learn to try your best for the rest

No

i'm 26 and i just googled how to fold a fitted sheet for the third time this year. i'll let you know when it clicks

We all learn a lot of neat tricks, but anyone who says they understand the game is lying.

On their deathbed. 💀💀💀

I feel like I had being an adult figured out quite well, fairly young too. After graduating, Finally not being broke made things quite easy actually. Then I had kids and although I feel like I'm a good parent, I'm definitely barely winging the rest of my life.

Oh, never dude. Each day is a learning experience. We learn to figure it out bit by bit. We improvise.

30's is when you start getting sorted into adults who are willing and trying to figure it, adults who want to figure it out but aren't acting on it, and adults who just stay stuck

At 49yo.... I'll let you know when it happens.

Laughing wistfully in 63 year old. Any day now I am expecting the download to arrive.

60. Still pretending.

Well... How do I say this nicely? We don't, good luck!

When people ask you questions on a bunch of things that you know the answer to. When this happened you’ll be shocked by how much you know just by living and figuring things out yourself. Experienced this at work and personal life. Friends bought a home and always come to my wife and I for questions and 9 times out of 10 we were able to answer it.

Everyone is going to "figure it out" on their own timeline. What "figuring it out" will also differ heavily. I don't have it all figured out, but I can tell I'm close. You'll start to figure out parts of your life, and that really helps lower stress and makes everything else more achievable. In general though, it seems as if my peers and I really got a good hold on it in our 20s and 30s. I think a timeframe from another reference point is more helpful than strictly age. • Health/Fitness- I figured this out in highschool. The routine, discipline, and confidence boost really cemented working out as a core pillar in my daily/weekly routine, and thus my life. • Career/Work- At around 3 years into working, I figured out that I was not vibing with the work-to-compensation ratio of retail/food/labor. I hated working weird hours, coming home dirty, and the pay will not provide the lifestyle I want for my family. At 5 years post college and into career, I'm starting to want to specialize in my career path. It would be nicer to do fewer things at a higher level than everything at a lower level. Friends, Hobbies, Etc. You really start to think about how you want to spend your time, what you want to do, and who you want to spend it with. You work hard to make your days nicer. That's how you have a nicer life. You build things and make choices that make your life easier. Not everything is in your control, and it is exhausting. Worth tho

L.O.L.

When you start caring and loving yourself. You stop trying to live someone else's life. You stop comparing your life with others. Stop trying to impress your parents or others. A combination of these.

Depends on their self awareness. Lots of people dont have self awareness/ reflection, or they just dont want to.

Depends on how insecure they are. The sooner they get over that, the sooner they can move forward.

At no point.

So many never do.

"The meaning of life is just to *be alive*. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves." ~Alan Watts (and dude lived, flawed, human and messy)

Hell nah….

Life is different for everyone. Living life means many different things.

As long as you figure it out, leave it right and not run away you are ok in my book.

People stop pretending they know what they’re doing… right about the same time they realize nobody actually does. Life’s just figuring out which fires are worth running into and which ones to watch burn from a safe distance

Just about to turn 38 and still don’t know wtf I’m doing and just trying to figure it out as I go.

I don’t think they do. To think my parents were doing parent shit at my age seems crazy to me, because there’s no f****** way my 30’s feel like I know wtf I’m doing enough for kids

This mother f***** thinks there's someone out there who knows what he's doing! 🤣

In the 40's

When you start a cycle of 1. Assessment of the goals you have. What steps you have taken towards those goals. And change what isn't working. 2. If there is space for new goals go for them. 3. Plan actions towards the goals 5. Preform the actions. 6. Goto 1.

We never figure it out. We just end up dealing with enough stuff to see similarities between things.

Noone is meant to "figure out" life since it will always be different for everybody. What were supposed to do is learn everyday. A ship has a route but it still needs to navigate the waves

well it depends on what it means to figure out life? does it mean chasing your dream? to become financially free? working a 9-5 like a responsible adult? life is meant to be enjoyed and you can enjoy it while doing all of the above. for me that's what i consider having life figured out: being happy whatever you do

For me it was at age 50 but I'm the kind of person that needed to learn everything the hard way for myself. EG: Don't do drugs - "Well why not? It can't be that hard to stop...Oh, I see now"

45

That phrase “figure life out” implies that you are constantly learning.

Not 32

I’m always on the cusp of figuring it out, only to have the next data point f*** up everything and again remind me, that I indeed, do not have it figured out.

When you've built enough tools through life experiences such that the next challenge isn't so much "omg I can't handle this" and more "okay, this is going to be a challenge, but can be done".

Never

there isn't one. most people in their 40s and 50s are still quietly winging it, they're just better at looking confident while doing it. the realization that everyone is figuring it out in real time is actually pretty liberating once it hits you.

Fake it till you make it.

When they're old enough and went through all the mistakes

you don't. you just get better at pretending and at some point stop panicking about it which feels basically the same. somewhere around your mid 30s the anxiety shifts from "i don't know what i'm doing" to "nobody else does either" and that's genuinely freeing.

Figure out what exactly? Imo life is a learning experience

All you get is a flowing river, float or die. Figuring yourself out, that's a luxury most of us don't get.

Life is too complex to say that you've "figured life out". At best, people can become educated enough where they have enough skills and experience to deal with most things that come their way. However, life never goes the way you expect it to or plan it to. The best is to just take life one day at a time, and be consistent with what you plan. That's the best way to achieve your goals.

I think we slowly learn every ten years or so.

Figuring life out, is just having found peace and that looks vastly different from person to person.

We just get better at pretending. Some people fake it till their 20s, some till their 50s. The older you get, the more you realize everyone else is also winging it.

For me somewhere around 35-40. I looked around one day and saw a bunch of people like myself just figuring it out day by day and thats around the age my parents were when I was 18. Figured they didn't know much more than I did then either. Crazy

It never stops, and realizing that is actually kinda the gateway to start feeling like you've figured it out

I feel like we’re all pretending to be adults, but underneath we’re still young children hahahahah

It's everyone's first time on earth. We're all just figuring it out as we go.

I mean you can have a plan and stuff but life can change drastically very quickly.