CoParenting with no obligations
tl;dr - step-mom (F27) and new bf(M-age?) think son (M12) needs more intervention, but I (Mom F30's) am doing the best to support him.
hi! this is a throwaway account for privacy. I unfortunately have to be somewhat vague to protect privacy also. But i really could use some third-party advice. I (Mom in her 30s) have a child (M 12) that is the result of a tumultuous relationship that ultimately resulted in me having sole custody. That isn't necessarily relevant besides the fact that no one else has a say (legally) in my child's life on a regular basis besides me. My child has an on and off relationship with my exes wife (childs stepmom). This means she was in his life somewhat regularly (weekends) before my ex passed away. Her and dad frequently left my child with grandparents on their scheduled weekend time so they could go out. There were many weekends where I heard this was the case. She moved to a different state about 6 months after the childs dad/her husband passed away, and she is now with a new guy (happened basically all at once..) Very quick movements and commitments for sure. Now, her and my son visit minimally (once or twice in a year).
After the most recent visit, because I allow flexible visitation with the step mom, she and new bf expressed concerns with sons behavior. Her and her new boyfriend claim son is violent and untrustworthy. Examples were given that consist of "he lied when he explained he wanted something," "he watches violent videos and plays violent games," etc..I definitely agree that kids these days are exposed to many age inappropriate games/videos/etc. This was a common way that Son & Dad bonded as well. But I also feel like this isn't new to us, and all we can do is our best to protect kids from things they shouldn't be ingesting and coping with alone. I have certain parental locks in place on apps he has on his phone, we chat openly and regularly about his feelings, and I limit/monitor all gaming/social media/phone use. Also, I feel like all kids go through phases where they test what they can get away with/are manipulative to get what they want, and it's our job as parents to help kids regulate emotions and teach what's appropriate.. there's lots of other personal details that probably would help explain things, but I really am trying not to be too specific in case of backlash. I feel there is pressure for me to do more, but I genuinely don't know what else I could possibly do to help these adults feel more emotionally secure in their roles. My son has a school counselor he meets with regularly, and he expresses positive feedback as well as the counselor reassuring me he's doing great when i reach out. We are very close, and we talk about tough things and feelings frequently. Other people in my family say he is extremely empathetic and caring, and they can not see him harming himself or anyone else. I see this in him, too. Any input is appreciated. Feel free to ask questions. I'll do my best to assist. I just want to make sure I'm doing right by my son. He's been through a lot and deserves empathy.