Do you feel adult children are responsible for caring for elderly parents? If so, what limitations do you have, if any? Do you feel that an adult child should have to quit their job and move back home to care for said parents?

Nope, children are not a proper retirement plan.

they both have fat retirements and a house worth 400k - they can take care of themselves. i don't mind helping but it's not going to be my responsibility

No. 

Certainly NOT!!! Quit their job? No.

Parents should sacrifice for their kids, not the other way around. Help your parents for sure but not give up your life or quit your job

I believe that adult children are responsible to help care for their elderly parents. However, said adult children should not be expected to quit their jobs to care for their parents. Those adult children likely have spouses and children of their own that they need to provide for. They cannot be expected to sacrifice providing for their families.

No, not responsible. Although depending on the situation and quality of the lifelong relationship, it would be nice to help make sure someone is taking care of them. That's not always possible though and no one should feel bad about drawing boundaries. Any parents who encourages their child to quit a job and move to take care of them are selfish.

children aren't a retirement plan

of course not

Nope.

It depends on the relationship and if it’s talked and agreed on. If you weren’t ever kind to your kids very unlikely they will get any help from any of their kids.

Nope. Children are not obligated to assist parents and parents aren't obligated once kids move out. If they choose to, great. But caring for aging and sick parents can really take a lot of energy and time that people can't commit to. Sometimes bathing and changing clothes, making sure meds are taken, ordering or making food they can eat, maybe helping with other daily house maintenance tasks, all while taking care of your own home and family. It can be daunting, overwhelming, frustrating, annoying, and all around inconvenient, and someone who isn't actually in that field of work and never specialized in elderly and geriatric care should not be guilted or forced into it by anyone.

I think that if your parents aren’t assholes who drove you away because of their abuse/cruelty, then you should do what you can to help. I don’t think that means that you HAVE to quit your job, because that’s a lot to ask of anyone, but shouldn’t you play some role in finding care for your parents?

It really depends on their relationship. Good parents who have done everything they can, for their kids and to take care of themselves absolutely deserve to have their kids return the favor. And abusive or neglectful takers, who have spent much of their children's lives either pushing them away or strangling them, should probably reap what they've sown.

No. In the USA, it doesn't work-out financially to do that. If you quit your job to care for your parent, then when you need money for care, it won't be there because you quit your job. Yes, our social safety net sucks here. You will also build resentment against that parent because you have to give up so much for them. Plus, you are unlikely to have the skills to deal with dementia. It's a no-win situation.

I feel it’s not an obligation but something you just do if you love them. Obviously if they were trash parents you wouldn’t. But if they were good parents and you really love them, then yeah I’d say you should take care of them. I don’t think you need to quit your job and move in, and if there’s significant medical issues, and you can afford good nursing home, I don’t see the issue with an assisted living or nursing home. But that’s just how I feel. It’s not a responsibility but just something you do out of love for someone.

It should depend on whether or not said parents forced the kids out when they turned 18.

They should not be expected to take care of their aging parents, but if it wouldn’t create a toxic environment, or create an unbearable burden, then I do think it’s the right thing to do. It shouldn’t require the adult child to have to quit their job, there should be enough flexibility for self-care for the adult child, and if there is an affordable option outside of the home that is a place with good standards of quality (not questionable/derelict care), then that should be considered also, especially if the aging parent requires more around-the-clock care. If a parent is going to move into the adult child’s home, then there needs to be clear discussion of boundaries/cost sharing. The same for if the adult child’s immediate family moves in with the parent. Both places should make a point to make the other feel at home and welcome if it is long term. I have been, and will always be, there for my adult children if they are in need, and I would hope I wouldn’t be discarded if I can no longer care for myself or if I can’t afford things any more. I am as money conscious as possible, but have helped them out as I can with needs now knowing that now is when it is a bigger help to them as they will become more financially stable as they are more into adulthood, but that also means my savings is less. I have been disabled for a few years now so can’t make extra money, but due to wise choices and careful spending, have not asked for help from them and don’t plan to need to. And I’ve managed with help from friends and other family after surgeries (meals and post-surgery appt transportation) as I continue to live on my own. I have the same viewpoint for myself with my parents. We would rather live separately, but 100% would make it work if they ever needed a place to stay.

In Greece, retirement homes are pretty much not a thing.  Me and my wife are simultaneously thinking about how we might end up supporting our parents, as well as how we can stay healthy and autonomous for as long as possible. It is common to hire someone to take care of the elderly parent(s), we might end up doing that if the world did not finish going apocalypse by then.  I had no idea that living through the apocalypse was going to be this expensive. 

My elderly grandmother moved in with us. This grandmother did not like my mom nor my sisters. Neither me nor my sisters got a say, but it was rationalized that she was expected to live a year at most. That became 10 years. She was not a nice lady, my dad did not have the temperament to care for her. Everyone was miserable. Being in that house with that much misery was awful. I will never put my kids in that position. When I am old, I will go into a retirement home even if it is state funded shit.

Having children doesn’t guarantee that they will be your caregivers. Adult children are not responsible for anything if they don’t want to be, and no, they should not quit jobs to become their parents caregiver. If the relationship between the child and parents is good, sure the adult child can help however much they want or are able, but are not obligated to. If the relationship is not good, the parent needs to get their affairs in order, use their own money, find a facility or hire 24/7 caregivers.

The adult child quitting their job to care for their parents seems like a great way to ensure that everyone ends up broke and starving. If it happens to make sense in a specific situation, then fair enough, but I don't think it can possibly be expected by default.

Absolutely f****** not.

The only deciding factor is how it will affect your future. At that point in your life, your choices really matter. Big or small.

No. No one asks to be born. By all means help out where possible, but you cant drop everything like work etc, to care for a parent full time.

I do not think it is a child's responsibility. With that said, my mom cared for my grandpa in his last few years and it was a beautiful thing. Some days were hard but I know she doesn't regret it. My mom worked full time (since retired) but her career offered a lot of autonomy to take time off whenever needed. She is also financially stable which I think matters.

i'm 47 and i've seen this play out many times with friends and colleagues. the short answer is: you can't pour from an empty cup. yes, we should care for our parents, but that doesn't mean destroying your own life. if you quit your job and move back home, you aren't "helping"—you are just creating two victims instead of one. you lose your income, your career momentum, and eventually your sanity. the best way to care for elderly parents is to stay financially strong so you can afford professional help and good medical care. a professional nurse will always do a better job than a burnt-out, resentful son who just lost his career. your job is to be the strategist and the provider, not the 24/7 nurse. set that boundary early or everyone loses

I know I'm going to be in the listnook minority here, but my wife and I both have good relationships with our boomer parents and will absolutely be caring for them as they become unable to. We don't know exactly what that looks like because right now they are pretty healthy in their 70s, but we know it's kind of an ineviability. On both sides, our parents did they best they could for us. They weren't perfect and they annoy the hell out of us sometimes, but they continue to be loving and supportive and have even been a ln enourmous help with our child. They put the effort in and we will do the same as they need it. Now, there are limits. A few years ago my dad had a health scare 2 days before Christmas and I dropped everything and flew to be with him instead of spending my first Christmas as a married couple with my wife (she was supportive). Now that we have a kid, I have made it clear that I cannot just drop everythinn and travel to help him. I have encouraged him to move closer to us, but he doesn't want to, so that limits some things I can do. If he reaches the point of needing someone close by, we will deal with that then, but he knows we wont be uprooting our lives to move to him and is ok with it. I sure hope it doesn't come to 3 disabled parents living with like in Willy Wonka, but we'd make something work. None our parents would want to derail our lives or be a burden on us, but family is about supporting each other, and we'll step up when it's needed because they have always been there for us. We also watched them support their parents into ripe old ages and it kept them a part of everyone's lives. I know not everyone has this kind of relationship with their sparents, but that's where we stand.

Yes, they are responsible and No, they shouldn't quit their jobs because of that. It depends upon the household. No universal solution exists.