does anyone actually know what they do with their evenings or does everyone just autopilot until bed

Honestly it sounds like you are spending a lot of time scrolling on your phone. Your brain doesn't get a chance to process information and form memories if you only pay attention to something for a second or two at a time. When you spend hours scrolling, time just 'disappears' because your brain hasn't processed any of what you were looking at to the point where it can form a memory. The other issue is it's easier to remember things that are significant and harder to remember things that are more mundane or regular part of your life. Personally I remember what I did Tuesday night. I remember what I cooked. I remember what I ate. I remember what I watched and what I read.

I cook dinner for my family and if there's no WWE on I often will paint or play boardgames with my family followed reading before sleeping. I used to just cook and scroll but that was so mundane and pointless than I needed more.

I do stabby things. I knit, i sew, i do needlework. I have a million crafty hobbies and not enough time to do them.

Besides cooking dinner and catching up on any chores that might need doing, I like to read, watch shows with my partner, and sometimes I'll have some evening plans with friends.

A huge percentage of adulthood is just standing in your kitchen at 7:18 pretending you definitely had a plan.

Screen life is passive. Real life is active. Interactive. It forces you to listen actively and improvise responses. Even though the 'content quality' of that face to face contact may be abysmal and banal compared to say watching a documentary, you were obliged to engage and were stimulated. Which tends to make it lodge in your brain as 'something that happened' that evening.

Monday is usually a dedicated “rest to survive the week” day. Zoning out is the goal. Tuesday is open vibe night. Drink wine and gossip with friends? Hide under the blankets to avoid reality? Netflix and chill? I have a standing Wednesday outing with friends. Thursday is open vibe night. Most Fridays I go out. Weekends are chores, meal planning, dedicated family or festival time. I don’t have kids but live near fam. Also lots of local festivals. I live in a big city so it’s hard to get bored.

Go to work at 7 get off at 4, go to second job at 5 get home at 1030 - 1100. Totally on autopilot.

Depending on the night I'm either playing video games, watching shows with my partner, playing online games with friends, hanging out with a friend at my place, playing volleyball, getting dinner with friends.. or maybe just watching a show by myself.

I had the same thought recently. It’s depressing how much of such a short life is spent grinding away at work that gives back nothing other than survival. I too sign off at work and bam it’s 11. Ugh.

No there is never enough time in the evenings to engage in my hobbies and do adult stuff like cooking and cleaning. Im never bored really theres always something to do. Ill draw if i have energy, or play video games mostly. Maybe some crochet or knitting if im feeling good. Or watching a film with my bf. Never enough time

I have a lot of hobbies that keep me busy when I'm not at work. Monday was working out bugs for a program I am messing with. Tuesday I spent some time reading, and bottled some of the mead I am making. Last night I did some video editing and played some monster hunter wilds. Tonight I am probably going to record some audio for that video and play some video game. Tomorrow is streaming, probably going to be painting some warhammer models, and making cookie dough for Sunday. Saturday will probably be baking, laundry, probably streaming again. Sunday I have a cookout with my parents and siblings, I will probably bring my bow and shoot some since my parents have a target in their backyard.

I work on a puzzle, read a book, do stuff for my instagram account, occasionally some things around the house🤷🏻‍♀️ I try to not have any actual plans on workday evenings cause I really cherish that time to relax and recharge.

Work day takes a lot out of me, so my evenings are pretty mellow but are usually some combination of: compare notes on the day with my spouse, call my mom, cook dinner, go outside and swim if weather permits, have some wine, prepare for the next day (I get up early and work out). Sometimes we go to dinner with friends.

I read every night. Sometimes history, sometimes thrillers, whatsoever I feel like.

Finish work at 3pm, exercise the dogs, cook dinner, do something with partner, watch an episode or 2 of trailer park boys, go to bed at 8, fall asleep watching an episode or 2 of one piece.

Review and take notes my achievements of the day, what I learned, and shortcomings. Plan for tomorrow. Light exercise to improve sleep: either go for a walk or light dumbbell exercises.

I started a puzzle; makes the evening more interesting. Also I try to make something for dinner that I’ll really enjoy.

Plan something totally different.  Think outside the box. Something totally out of left field than what you would normally do. * Set a day go to a gym * Join a dance club * Volunteer to help at church. * Join an online hobby group. * Go to the museum or zoo.

Dude no lol hell no. I get piss drunk instead...

No, I can’t imagine my mental health if I just doom scrolled for hours in the evening. I either cross-stitch with a show in the background, go for a walk or to the gym, or knock out a chore. One night a week is dedicated to playing games online with my friends, and I typically read/stretch before bed.

A few days of the week my fiancee and I have classes / sports / family commitments that we attend to, and I hit errands/groceries after my family commitment. So for the few days that we have an open schedule, we're not so much on auto pilot, but recovery. Current schedule is Monday, I'm out, Tuesday and Thursday my fiancee and I are out shortly after dinner. So Wednesday/Friday is the big slack together time. Our household is her, me and her teen child (mostly full custody). My SK (step kid) does have some things going on, but that is just after school and my fiancee picks them up on the way home. I usually make dinner, and as I work from home, often have it ready around the time my fiancee is back from work. We (all three) like to get a nightly walk (well, less often during crappy cold weather; canadian winter sucks). My fiancee and I really like board games, and sometimes my step kid joins us. We used to have a few shows that all three of us liked, but we've kind of exhausted those. We often hit the hot tub which is nice to relax and have some light conversation. When my fiancee's out, my SK will share their recently liked reels with me (scary how it tells the tale of their mood - but cool to see it's indicative that they're recovering nicely since they were broken up with a bit ago), and if their friends aren't talking much, we have a few games/shows that their mom doesn't care for so we'll play/watch them then. Similarly when I'm out, my fiancee handles dinner, and they have some shows that they'll watch a few episodes of while taking time to talk and enjoy the 1:1 time without me not in the home. SK usually wants to chill alone for a bit before bed, so usually goes to their room around 9. My fiancee and I will usually grab a blanket (when it's not summer) and head outside to cuddle and talk alone. We're relatively busy people, and she's got a higher stress job. We're working with things to unwind that don't require too high of engagement; so yeah, that does often involve games or watching shows. But it also doesn't really feel like we're zoned out. Honestly, as we're usually not "alone" (even if my SK is in their room, they might pop out), so interacting off and on; talking about a show/scene, asking random questions etc doesn't really feel like it's zoning out.

I read, knit, embroider, paint, etc. but sometimes, yeah, I trance out with a couple of dogs on my lap and suddenly it's time for bed!

recently got back into playing music so instead of just going home, smoking/eating, and playing games until bed i’ve incorporated practicing for 1-2 hours everyday and it gives me something to look forward to after work especially if i find a song i want to learn while at work so still kinda autopilot but intentional because im trying to improve my playing and im glad i added it because going on auto pilot everyday f****** sucked

My evenings generally pass in a blur as well, because I am still working, right up to the point that I cannot form a sentence or follow a line of thought. And I don't necessarily remember what it is that I've done in any detail. I've generally got a schedule of activities in my head and I just keep ticking them off and getting on to the next one. I don't watch television, I don't watch videos, I don't play video games. I do a lot of reading, online and offline.

Not any more. I spent years like that and then 2 years ago I changed it all. I go for walks, go to aerobics and line dancing, do art/drawing in winter and lawn bowls practice or games in summer. Some zoning out of course, but I'm living as well. It's made a huge difference to my mental health

Wait till you retire. I do that from 7am until 10pm. I took pills twice and fed the dog. The bed is always made so I musta done that. I'm not hungry or losing weight so sufficient food must be happening. There's not much laundry in the basket so I musta done that at some point... Sniff-sniff - Oh yeah. I stink. Mayne time for a shower... Nah groceries tommorrow. I'l do it then - 😅😅😅😅😅

If my friends are free we'll play some game together if they're busy I mostly just doomscroll although I try to read some of whatever book I'm currently on at least once a week take a break from the screen etc. I just don't have any energy at all and after work I'm in so much pain I don't even wanna think about doing other hobbies I typically enjoy. Ugh.

I do something different just about every night, but it’s the same week to week. Like one night is dance class, one night I handle dinner, another night my partner handles dinner and I take a walk, another night is yoga. It makes me look forward to the “trance” nights as you described them.

i work until i go to bed. i doomscroll for 5min, put on a youtube video and fall asleep. then 1-2h later i wake up in terror. i realize this isn't ideal and aim to build a night stand so i can put a book on it that i read before bed. but so far i didn't have the time edit: books seem to be very good. they slow you down so you can relax but you also get interesting information or an interesting story. really underrated

I actually thought about it too and I realized it was the phone for me. So I'm in the process of being less on my phone and doing more crafts, walks, hobbies. It's a bit silly but what made me realize it is the phone was watching a period drama lol. It was a scene with people playing games and riddles and having fun after dinner and I was like wait a second, that's how it's supposed to be, I want to be present and have fun like that too! So yea. I'm seriously thinking about buying a flip phone

How has no one mentioned a carbon monoxide detector lol

Lol a trance is a good way to put it. Just me and my screens, zoned out all the time.

I think you just need some more variation. Try cooking a new recipe, take a walk around your neighborhood and listen to a new album or audiobook, try a new video game, go to the gym. I have a lot of varying hobbies that keeps things interesting. Writing, video games, guitar, sewing, baking, various sports, etc. I do one of those jobs where I'm in front of a screen from 9-5 and ive found doing something with my hands/something involved and tactile when i'm done with work is best. that's typically going for a walk or prepping stuff for dinner. i try not to go from screen to screen, because that's when i get sucked in!

I think it's time to put down the phone. Yesterday, I got home from work, shaved my head and beard, took a shower, walked the dogs, went out to dinner with my sister who just came in town, came home and showed her around the house, walked her out, sat on the couch and talked about the day with my wife, watched an episode of iZombie, played some BG3, and went to bed. The day before, I got home, hung a couple of pictures on the wall, started a resin print, walked the dogs, played some Fallout, talked about the day with my wife, ate a dinner of lamb kebobs, watched an episode of Cross, did a couple of nonogram puzzles, made a poor attempt at drawing a decent picture of my dog, went to bed to read for a bit, then went to sleep. The day before that was got home, wrote scenarios for a TTRPG for a couple of hours, walked the dogs, discussed the day with my wife, ate a dinner of cereal and a muffin, watched an episode of Cross, played some Fallout, took a bath a read for a while, then went to bed. Maybe I'm the weird one, or maybe I'm just tracking things and what I am doing is about the same as what everyone else does. But either way, I think if I had the realization that I had no idea what I did any given night, I would try to change my life in some way.

Funny this should come up today. I was thinking of asking the same question. Work, eat, bed. Sometimes a walk in the evening. Pretty much the same everyday.

Put your phone down

This used to happen to me during chemotherapy, but not before or after. I think people could be correct who are saying you're scrolling so much that you're not forming new memories. There's also a possibility that you're exhausted and taking "microsleeps" throughout the low demand part of the evening, which is why I wasn't forming new memories during a lot of chemo. In this scenario, when you think you're scrolling, you're actually intermittently powering down for a second to a minute, then paying attention again without noticing the lapse. Either way it's worth looking into, because life is so much more fulfilling when you can remember it even during the peaceful times of the day.

Home by 6-630, make dinner for me and the kid, walk the dog, do dishes clean up, homework stuff and then it’s almost 10 before I can sit down and loose time.

When I clock out it’s my time and I tend to remember it. I might call my cousin, but I get home, leave a show play on my phone but play with my dog, cook food, eat and enjoy my meal, text some people, then retreat to my movie room that I sleep in more than my bedroom, watch some tv, maybe a video game and when tired don’t fight it and fall asleep. I tend to be on auto pilot more at work and present at home.

The trance isn't just some random thing. It's the nervous system doing exactly what it's going to do when it's recovering from the hyperstimulation of the modern world. Your mind isn't looking for more input. It wants to disappear for a while and your phone is the most frictionless way to do that. I find the evenings I actually remember aren't the ones where I was more disciplined. They're the ones where I landed somewhere, I was present cooking a meal or was connecting with my loved ones, what have you. The hard part is that so much of the time landing feels like doing nothing, which feels like wasting time. So instead you pick up the phone, which also feels like doing nothing but at least has the texture of stimulation. And four hours pass. Learning presence is a skill that is becoming harder and harder to learn, and is much needed.

I use to feel that way and then I realized I was just working an insane amount of hours. I switched careers and it created a better home life work balance. That allowed me to be more active and to be able to spend more time doing things that make me happy. Maybe a career change is what is needed?

Overwatch mostly. Sometimes I tinker with hobbies.

So yesterday I ran a 5k race after work and ate dinner/took a bath when I got home.  On Tuesday I worked a little late and read a book pretty much all the way through (the Keeper of Lost Children).   Last week?  Friday I flew out of town for the weekend, Thursday I went to hear an author speaker series, I have no clue what happened on Wednesday tbh and Tuesday, I went shoe shopping for the weekend trip.  On Monday last week I had my workout class and snuck in a run. My point being - if you stay home and don’t have like a specific project, book you’re reading, class you’re taking, something you’re preparing for, it’s gonna blend into the rest of your similar days of your life - the tv, the chores, the scrolling, etc.  If you have a specific hobby or switch it up a bit, there will be more days that stick out. One cool similar way I’ve heard to accomplish that is to do a mini adventure every month, something you wouldn’t do otherwise, and that over 80 years, you’ll have nearly 1000 experiences you may not have done otherwise, that stick out to you.  It’s worth a shot if nothing else 

I validate your experience and can relate! It definitely feels like rinse & repeat autopilot

When my mental health isn’t the greatest I definitely feel like that. I live alone and have no family in town so I kinda get to do whatever I want because the only things that need my attention are my cats. I try to give myself projects and tasks to do so I don’t just end up in bed after work scrolling until I can sleep. I keep lists in my phone of stuff I need to do and try to get some stuff done after work so I can feel “accomplished.” Other times I go for a walk if the weather is nice. Yard work is also fun for me and it gets me outside. Sometimes if I’m tired and just want to “rot” I’ll make myself research or learn/read about something if I’m gonna be on my phone. Or watch a documentary about something instead of having tv on just for background noise while I scroll.

most of my evenings are just cycling between the same three apps until it's suddenly midnight and i'm mad at myself for not doing anything meaningful. the autopilot is real

my evenings are basically a blur of opening the fridge, scrolling my phone, and then suddenly it's midnight. i keep telling myself i'll start a hobby but the couch always wins

Omg, I thought about that too.

I feel "low grade trance state" is a bit hyperbolic but how often does life changing stuff happen in your typical day? Probably not much. Most people are routine and unless something breaks from that routine, its probably not memorable. Welcome to life of being an adult. If you want to board a plane and go climb the Swiss Alps, I'm sure you'll remember that. But most people that's not feasible to do after a day of work.

I work out, go on walks, watch youtube, call my mom, make dinner, hang out with my husband, son, and cats. I like to be in bed around 9, so I take a shower at 8:30.

Most of the time it’s the same for me. I’ll remember if I intentionally do something but a lot of the time I’m exhausted and on autopilot exactly like you said

If I don't remember I know I drank too much.

I know WHAT I do, and also that I accomplish zero. Tuesdays and Fridays I’m out after work. Unless I make other plans it’s pretty much dinner and scrolling Mon/Wed/Thu. Part of me wants to be more productive with my time (or at least read or watch an actual show/movie). The other part of me appreciates giving my brain a break after so much thinking during the day and low key wishes I had more time to waste. 😆

We have dinner, we shower and get into our comfy lounge wear, I work on my hobby and he reads. It is a nice way to unwind after our workday. 

I have a pretty strong routine. Most evenings look like this: 4:00pm - sign off work and go for a run 5/5:30 - shower 6:00 - dinner and TV with my husband 7:00-9:00 - take a walk, watch more TV, scroll, read, whatever I feel like 9:00 - brush teeth, get ready for bed 9:15-10 - read 10:00 - lights out Some nights I go to book club, bar trivia, or on group runs.

I have community band rehearsals 2 nights a week, I go dancing (contradancing) most Friday nights - I don't get home till 11 pm those nights, and I'm nowhere near my phone while I'm doing those things. A couple of hobbies will keep a person from turning into a couch potato.

Depends.. Workout, clean up in the house, go out with friends, hobbies.. or just hangout on the couch scrolling. Most of the time, I'm entertaining a 4 year old..

Take a shower, do laundry, cook and eat. Tidy up. Read or watch a show. Sit outside. Meet friends. Go grocery or other shopping. Every day is different.

exercise, eat, grocery shopping, read/watch tv. I mean I remember what I did, but they're not interesting enough to be shared during small talk.

I have band practice once a week, kids basketball practice twice a week, and pizza Friday with friends. Then one free evening a week I spend with the kids. After they go to bed I play music and smoke weed in my dad pad in the basement. Ask me what I did at work yesterday tho lol

Im always aware of what im doing in the evenings but im also firmly a type B. Im unemployed rn and doing online school and i have NO idea whats going on between 10-15 most days

I usually have a plan for my evenings to avoid doomscrolling. I will get home, pick up around a bit because clutter stresses me out, cook dinner. Then I do one of my hobbies, go to bed and read for awhile and then sleep. I generally only scroll while I’m eating dinner.

Seconded, doom scrolling doomed most of my evenings.

I go to the gym most evenings after work, come home, shower, take care of a few things (dishes, trash, cat boxes), microwave meal prep, then usually read or watch tv with my partner until bed. Not glamorous but I dont experience this "teleporting to bedtime" feeling. I also am not on my phone much at home uless im googling something or grabbing something from Amazon.

Tbh I just watch movies with my family.

I'm terrible at this. I sit and doom scroll. I should be drawing or being productive in some other way. I've tried buy books to read. It was once something I truly enjoyed. Now? It's terrible. It took me months to finish a short read. 

It's called ✨ dissociating ✨ I struggle with this too. I used to have (and just reset) an alarm on my phone for 7pm everyday so I at least have some semblance of time passing in the evening.  I got home around 5 today, thought I was chilling for maybe 45 minutes, apparently it's been 2 hours 😐 My phone really is my biggest issue. Because I live alone I don't have anything else here to grab my attention away from it. When I pet sit I don't have this issue nearly as much because I have the animals to hang out with and it gives a bit more structure to my evenings. Like I know exactly what I was doing this past Monday evening because I had to pull a poop out of a tortoise's butt so I could bring him back inside 😂😂😂

i go to the gym, and read and practice piano and guitar. i have time to do at least 3/4 of those most evenings after work, unless i have to cook, but i usually meal prep on weekends. your life is only as fulfilling as you make it.

I’m unemployed at the moment so my schedule is anything I make it now… But when I was employed my usual night looked like taking a walk before or after dinner, either playing online games with friends or boardgames with my husband, sometimes writing short stories, watching a movie, or seeing in person friends. And then end the night by watching The Office and doing coloring books or sticker by number books to wind down. Now… I did still spend more time than I wanted scrolling Instagram. Some nights I’d get stuck there because of a bad work day or poor mental health but a couple years ago I started trying to make a few more intentional choices for after work time. I even started journaling every few days and wrote down what I did to try to solidify in my brain a few key details. Sometimes I include a Polaroid picture for fun. I recommend it!

Dude yes. I started tracking what I actually do between 7pm and midnight and it was eye-opening. Turns out my evenings are like 60% phone, 20% eating, 15% staring at nothing, 5% something I'd actually remember. What helped me: I started picking ONE thing each evening that I'd actually want to remember tomorrow. Could be a 20min walk, cooking something new, calling a friend. Just one thing. The rest can be autopilot, that's fine. But that one intentional thing makes the whole evening feel like it existed.

Must not have kids

We have dinner, then engage in our favorite pursuits (reading, browsing the internet, listening to music, etc.). Reading for me is traveling to another world and living in it for the duration of the book, so I enjoy every minute.

I just feel like work owns my life Monday to Friday and it's really only Friday night I unwind. Work is more than 8 hours a day when you consider getting ready in the morning, the commute there and back and the short window you have in the evening during which I spend more time getting ready for the next day. I'm all for a 4 day work week.

Yup! I finish work at between 6 and 7, I eat dinner after work, then I read for a bit. At 8 ish, I usually log on to game for an hour or so, then read or listen to a book on my phone until 11, then I eat a snack, feed the cats, and go to bed.

Nah. I have kids, so that takes up a fair amount of the evening. And my current obsession is sewing so I spend a lot of time on that too. The hours of 8-10 seem to disappear, and that’s usually when I scroll, take a bath, clean, and try to convince my toddler to sleep.

This is so sad

I think we live on autopilot, and that's why we forget parts of our day. Add to that tiredness.

This is painfully accurate. I've started calling it "the gap" — that stretch between finishing dinner and realizing it's somehow 10:30. The weird part is that I'm not even unhappy during it. I'm just... not really there. Like my body is on screensaver mode. What helped me a little: I started keeping a tiny notepad on the coffee table and writing down one thing I actually did each evening. Not a journal, just one line. "Watched two episodes of X. Made tea. Called mom." It sounds ridiculous but it made the evenings feel more real somehow, like they actually happened to me instead of just passing through me.

I go to martial arts classes a couple of times in the week after work. I also produce music most evenings and will go to my studio to paint. Sometimes I’ll see friends in the evening too. I’ve also had periods where I go to art openings and parties in the week too but don’t have the stamina for that much at the moment

Most nights i get home from work and then I go to dance class or the gym while my husband puts our little one to bed. He goes to the gym in the morning before work so it works for us.

That whole "losing your life watching TV," thing for me went in 2012. I'm online playing games. Instead of watching things made for you, I am the protagonist and I help decide what happens.

Sometimes I just find a quiet space and sit, and think. I do mess about on my phone, but I make time to be present with myself, instead of drowning it out with tv and whiskey. I’m far from perfect, I still don’t know how people sustain sobriety, but I’m more drawn towards using the time with some intention. That said, I’m not starting new projects or organizing my life, just trying to calm some of the mental chaos.

Cook an eat dinner at 7:30, watch a show on tv, go to bed at 10 and read.

I let my mind get a rest from the socials

Dinner, cleanup, bedtimes, read a while, extraneous chores, make sure pets have been played with, then a yoga routine to stave off sciatica. Then its wash my face, drink some water, brush my teeth, jammies.

I feed and talk to my kid, help them with homework and put them to bed and read them a story. That takes a lot of time.

Yep, welcome to the adult void. Only nights with plans or deadline break the spell. The rest? Couch-fridge-phone-bed, rinse and repeat

Workout, train MMA, go to the gym, play disc golf, play video games, go on a walk at a local park.

Evenings can definitely turn into a blur, right? Sometimes it feels like all those little moments just slip away while scrolling or zoning out. Maybe trying to set a goal for a specific activity, like reading a chapter of a book or watching a movie, could help make them more memorable!

It depends on the day lol.

ersonally I remember what I did Tuesday night. I remember what I cooked. I remember what I ate. I remember what I watched and what I read.

While some are just filling the void of their evenings, others are out here wishing for 30-hour days just to get through their todo lists. We all have our own trances some have the couch others have the endless workflow.

Most people aren’t “living,” they’re just coming down from overstimulation. Phone + fatigue = time warp. The nights you remember usually have intention or friction. Everything else just blends.

Honestly yeah. I think most people just decompress without realizing it. Work drains you more than you think, so your brain just goes into “low power mode” till sleep.

I spend bit of time playing video games. Go to shop to get cat food. Then brush and shower. My girlfriend does the same except the video games she scrolls tiktok.

Take a walk for 20-30 minutes it's a game changer.  

Eat. Maybe take a bath. Try to get a bit of writing done. Maybe read a book, or research some topic. If too tired, watch a few videos.

Beyond just sitting in, spending time with my partner and cooking dinner, I still play an amateur, competitive sport so at least two of my evenings per week are usually taken up with team training sessions. When I don’t have team training I try to get out for a run or to the gym. The city I live in also has a very active music scene, so I quite often go to gigs midweek. I’ll also visit my grandparents that are still alive or spend time with my family and friends.   And when my kid comes along, my evenings will be spent doing stuff with the baby.

I play badminton from 9pm - 11pm every weekday except thursday. 

Start a sport and read for God's sake!