Does anyone else find the origin of parental love kind of... weird?

Lots of parents do not love their children, or anyone, unconditionally.

I guess that's the kind of thing that you'd get to understand once you have kids of your own. But there are tons of parents out there who don't love their children unconditionally, if it all .

But it's not just brig you to life. They also rise you. From baby to adjust. They don't meet you at current you. They spend all their life rising you from adorable baby to adult you. Even if you are total jerks, massive losers, or just have terrible personalities , in their eye you could still just be a little baby.

Yes-ish, but I think you're also oversimplifying it by focusing on the biological connection. I'm adopted and have zero doubts that my parents loved me every bit as those of people who weren't (apparently much better than some people even, given how many abusive parents unfortunately exist). It's almost 2 in the morning but if I called my dad right now with a crisis that required his physical presence he'd probably be on the road in 15 minutes. It seems like people are just wired to love in general. There are different kinds of course, but this sort of parental desire to raise and provide for someone just seems like as a common a human need as having friends or romantic partners. And like any relationship it tends to grow stronger over time since you keep finding new things to bond over, plus from the parent's perspective you get the vicarious "oh shit, look what my thing is doing now" aspect lol. Some people haaaate the comparison but it probably also explains why so many of us love keeping pets, even many that lack any ability to "reciprocate" the relationship and mostly just exist in the home to be taken care of. People want to raise little, less capable of things. It's an important biological urge for sure since without that there would be fewer little people making it to adulthood, but at this point it just is what it is. We like it because we like it. It is weird if you overthink it but so is everything else we do. Life is weird, just do what you like and don't overthink it to the point where you stop liking it.

I take it you don't have children. ;)

I love my kids. But also there’s a responsibility that comes with parenting. You love them in part because you take on this enormous responsibility for making them into an adult that is happy and respectful and exhibits the qualities you think are important. You love them so you can make them into adults you love. It’s kind of backward isn’t it. But it’s amazing and important and not at all rational. But it’s what life is about.

Romantic love is weirder and doesn't even exist in many cultures.

Nah, I like my son as a person as well as love him unconditionally. He's funny af and super likeable.

There’s a lot of people who are absolute monsters to their children.

I think parental love is fairly recent in the grand scheme of things. Some parents may love their children but still they might not like their children especially when the children grow with a different mindset. My parents told me they weren't loved as children by their parents. Not unconditional nor conditional not any way whatsoever. They were born solely to help around the house and work the land as food was scarce. It was purely an exchange of services, the kids were being cared for then they would care for their own parents later on. A lot of them died during childhood from lack of medical service development. So it made sense for most families to have more children whether wanted or unwanted. Birth control was a luxury and in some cultures it was even highly discouraged. My maternal granddad got beat up as a child, by his stepfather so badly he grew up with a permanent back injury. Life may be hard now but it used to be even harder back then and parental love was a non topic for most our existence.

Biology reprograms new parents by shrinking grey matter + flooding the brain with oxytocin so that suddenly, nothing else seems to matter or hold their focus. It's why you get a lot of people going, "I *thought* I knew who I was/what I liked/what was important, but then I had a child!" It's not that those things themselves are any intrinsically less important, it's literally that the brain gets chemically hacked with a baby. (For the record, non-parents who hang around a baby or kid long enough will start to get dosed with oxytocin too.) It's also why some parents can be dismissive of other types of love. That much oxytocin in a brain is intense and life-changing and it can become hard for them to understand why others might not prioritize it. That said, parents aren't a monolith. Some don't love their kids at all, some lose those feelings with adult kids if those kids become abusive, some love but are more temperate with that love. Either way, yeah, oxytocin is a hell of a drug.

For many species, the bond ends when the child matures and goes off on their own

There is no stronger love!!

Youre an extension of them, or so they see it... many parents are wired this way- others are not. Think of ot that wsy- if you went back in time in disguisd and encountered/ witnessed yourself - how would you treat /advicate for/protect that person (ypu)?

This is the spiritual gift of parenting- the unconditional love and devotion to another’s well being. It’s not the same with anyone else. No matter how much they might upset you you’d still take a bullet for them with no hesitation. The only two people I feel that for are my kids.

It's their influence that makes you (supposedly) "unlikeable. " They raised you, they taught you to be the person who you are today. If you aren't being just being hyperbolic, we could probably assume they may also be unlikable. Your mom smushed her organs around to make room for you to grow inside of her. And then they named you and they taught you what they wanted you to know. Your personality did not develop out of nothing. It's not a question of compatibility when it comes to parents and children. Families are very messy and there are no rules.

You’re extremely lucky.

It’s why a best friend is so important. They didn’t have to love you back but they did. So the connection feels unique to the bond that is biological. -Also a good point of why step parents don’t always get along.

I really like this post, it’s very thought provoking. I think that socially and societally, there is a very heavy emphasis on parents being unconditionally loving, perfect, etc. The reality is, it’s not always the case, and not all parents were ready or willing to take on that role for the rest of their lives. Parents are still human beings, and not everyone is ready to stay in that role for the rest of their lives.

**sadly i think unconditional love is way rarer than people admit lol. lots of parents don’t even love their kids like that.**