So, I’m (19F) looking for some perspective on a specific dynamic I want. For context, I’ve been with girls for the past six years and just got out of a two-year relationship. I’ve never actually had sex with a guy I’ve kissed them, but that’s the extent of it. Right now, I am not looking for commitment. I don't want a relationship, but I also don't want "full" sex. My ideal situation is meeting someone cute to kiss, cuddle, and maybe do occasional oral (handjobs/blowjobs), but that’s the hard limit. I met this guy on Feeld. We met up recently and it went well, though we didn't actually kiss or anything. A few weeks later, he asked me if i still wanted to hook up. I told him i valued him as a friend and wanted to stay close together but not fully hook up. Today, I had a few drinks and got bold I messaged him saying he missed his opportunity to kiss me last time, i think he was into it. Am I wrong for wanting a "relationship" like this? Is it a "tease" to offer oral/cuddling but stay firm on no actual sex? Should we just stay as friends?
TL;DR I (19F) just got out of a long-term relationship and want to explore casual stuff with guys, but with a hard boundary: I’m down for kissing, cuddling, and oral, but no penetrative sex and no commitment. I’m talking to a guy from Feeld about hanging out again, but I’m worried my specific "middle ground" needs are weird or confusing. Is it realistic to find a casual partner who is okay with sex being off the table? Let’s hope he doesn’t see this!!
It’s not wrong to want that, but it might be a good idea to talk to him about how you’re currently not wanting to have penetrative sex, so everyone is on the same page.
1
[deleted]Apr 28, 2026
+1
Are you sure it’s not wrong? i definitely will talk to him about it
1
BagatellApr 28, 2026
+1
Nothing is wrong. If you wanna have h******* B*** sex or nothing sexual at all, that’s fine. But be prepared that not everyone will want to continue seeing you if you want different things.
1
mortifiedphreakApr 28, 2026
+1
Can I ask why you think there might be something wrong with not wanting to have sex (at this time)?
1
obbetsApr 28, 2026
+1
You are always the person who knows the most about what you want, sexually or romantically or anything. There are other people who have preferences too, nobody likes literally everything. And there’s lots of ways to have sex even if penetration is of the table.
You could change your mind later, you also might not. You know what you want now, so I’d suggest having that conversation and letting him know what you’re interested in and what you’re not interested in.
It might be that he’s looking for penetrative sex, so it might be that your desires are incompatible. But that doesn’t mean that either of you are wrong.
1
Shatterpoint887Apr 28, 2026
+1
Girl, stop playing games with this man. Either you want him to kiss you, or you want to stay friends. Make up your damn mind and then just tell him what you want to do.
"I'm interested in a friend's with benefits situation. For personal reasons, I'm not having full on sex with anyone right now. But I am open to the idea of hand play and maybe oral if our relationship gets that far."
This is only complicated because you're wishy washy.
1
lorddark009Apr 28, 2026
+1
There isn't a right or wrong about what you want, the important part is that you communicate clearly with your potential partner about what you are looking for in the relationship.
Just be upfront about what you are looking for, don't start getting more intimate with him until you two are sure that you both are ok with the type of relationship you are seeking.
7 Comments