How would you describe your job without actually saying what it is?

Stress mode

I make numbers look less scary for people who hate numbers.

I write things that are supposed to make you want to buy stuff but if I do my job right you won't even realize that's what's happening. You'll just think you read a helpful article and then somehow end up on a pricing page five minutes later wondering how you got there. Half my day is spent figuring out what strangers on the internet are typing into google at 2am and the other half is writing something that shows up when they do. My boss judges my work based on a number that goes up or down and nobody fully understands why it does either.

I measure stuff and normally ruin people’s days

People will get cranky if I am not there in the morning

I throw boxes

I make a man/wimen smart,handsome and beautiful #

The blues

There's an audience

i observe for a living

I’m basically just Santa Claus and the blonde guy from the “Klaus” movie at the same time

Make people fool to buy useless stuff

I push buttons and answer questions.

create detailed maps and tables to plan how to move heavy machinery across large fields. It is like playing a very slow and very expensive version of a strategy game where the weather is always trying to make you lose

Calm people

My skillset combines medical laboratory knowledge and very specific IT and medical device knowledge and I help users of these devices in the medical field to solve their problems.

“NDA.”

This is hard. I help with everything from getting dressed, bathroom breaks, games, learning life skills, first aid, conflict resolution, cleaning, furniture moving, decorating, understanding difficult things and so much more. And that's just a normal week. Send help.

Raise your hand

“Lasers”.

I basically get paid to tell people they can’t have what they want—super fun, right? 😂

I google better than everyone else.

I tell people to turn it off and back on again.

Wi-Fi prostitute