I wonder when in the course of human evolution people decided it was a good idea to make "I'm fine/okay/good/great. " as the default answer to the question "how are you?", no matter how one is actually feeling.

honestly answering the question brings up uncomfortable conversation about one's actual troubles and stuff

This is a product of linguistics, not evolution. Every language needs some form of common greeting. It just so happens (not coincidentally) that the common English greeting 'How are you' is also used to ask about one's wellbeing. [Here](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.spudart.org/blog/origin-the-phrase-how-are-you/amp/) is an article I found on the origin of the phrase. Not all languages work like this. If I recall correctly, in Standard Mandarin, the common greeting of choice is 'Have you eaten?' But for all the English speakers, there are ways around the courteous default response. Intonation and emphasis is very important in spoken English. If you really want to ask someone how they're doing, try putting an emphasis on 'are' or 'you', and you turn it from a greeting to a genuine question!

Same! I recently started therapy about a month ago and caught myself saying “I’m good, how are you” to my therapist when she asked. Meanwhile, my 6 year relationship just ended unexpectedly and my life was flipped upside down. Definitely not good 😂 gave myself the ick so I’m gonna stop doing it. I wish everyone else would, too! I actually want to know how they are!

This isn’t the default everywhere! In my country we might actually tell you “I’m tired/have been better/etc” - we kinda like to complain. When we ask how you are, we tend to mean to inquire about your wellbeing. Then it’s up to the other person how much they want to share or, if you get something different than “fine,” how much you want to follow up on that.

Some people don’t wanna dive deep, and depending on how well you know someone some personal things might not be any of others business

Exactly, how did humans evolve to answer such a question in a way of escapism, people should actually try to open up if they can and say they are not okay, it’s okay not to be okay, we are all humans. And we should also encourage them that it’s normal not to be okay

I always hear this and im like "are people actually doing this?" Like, obviously if someone out in the wild is asking, it just makes sense to keep it simple and say fine or good, but when I know someone im pretty upfront about how I am. I think its just as much of a personal convenience as it is socially enforced behavior.

Well, the evolution of English. If someone asks "How are you?" in my language it is a genuine question, and some honesty is expected. If you mean to at hello, you say hello.

I'm very autistic so I tend to answer with "Do you want the social script answer or the truth?" Which at least is better than my other answer of "Good, as I've haven't tried to kill myself...." But I'm 60 and weird or wyrd enough to get away with it....

thought about this too. It feels like "how are you" isn't meant to get a real answer most of the time; it's just part of the social routine.

Because people got tired of responding with "I've got my problems like you've got yours and for the time being I'm managing well enough to avoid making mine yours"

Probably when people started using How are you? as a generic greeting instead of it being a genuine question about someone's wellbeing

i simply f****** hate the question

yeah it's basically a mutual agreement to not actually talk to each other

It's weird, I always see people on the internet saying that these are the only acceptable answers to the question, but when I've asked the question IRL, I seem to get quite a variety of different answers, from people saying they're fine, to people admitting they're tired or had a rough day. It's never elaborated upon to the point of actual discussion, but in my experience this interaction isn't nearly as ritualistic as it is portrayed online.

In most languages there are expressions sometimes called “stroking language.” They are not meant to be taken literally. They’re just a way for two people to acknowledge each other’s presence and to wish them well. There ARE ways in these languages of actually discussing real feelings, but “How are you? I’m good” is not and never was meant to be the beginning of a heartfelt discussion.

When this happened to me last week, I walked away thinking wow, that was a completely pointless exchange. It's sad how that's the default. We need to come up with a better question to ask people that doesn't have a default answer.