Iran Military Spokesperson Says US is Negotiating With Itself

Sounds about right, they realized they fucked up and are trying to lowkey beg for a ceasefire and acting like Iran is on board to lower oil prices and pump the stock market But then almost immediately after we get details about how we are wanting to send troops, or invade kharg island and shit completely contradicting the peace narrative 

It's just Trump manipulating the markets.

It's a pretty sorry state of affairs when a foreign government is more believable than your own.

From the article: “Has the level of your inner struggle reached the stage of you negotiating with yourself?” Ebrahim Zolfaqari, spokesperson for the Unified Command of Iran’s Armed Forces said, mocking the U.S. leadership after Donald Trump said Iran wants to make a deal to end the war. Zolfaqari said U.S. investments and pre-war energy prices would not return as long as Washington does not accept that regional stability is is guaranteed by Iranian armed forces.

Did anyone ever think to themselves "some day I'll believe what Iran says over the US government?" Because I sure as hell didn't. But here we are...

In some countries instigating war to manipulate stocks would be considered treason.

Don’t forget Mar a Lago is in Florida, iran

The whole thing is, why would Iran ever negotiate with Trump/Republicans again (or Israel) when each time they did, Trump and Republicans used it as an opportunity to attack Iran? I absolutely wouldn't trust Trump and Republicans, plus I probably wouldn't trust the US in general even under a Democrat (we're likely just going to get another corporate Democrat in 2028, which means they'll likely be voted out of office in 2032, at which point any deal the Dem makes will be tossed out).

All you need to know is the markets were about to start bleeding out. This was an easy money grab and can kick. TACO.

They fully expected Iran to beg for mercy. When it didn't but instead doubled down, and the rest of the world refused to bail them out, they didn't know what to do, so now they are making up bs stories trying to spin a narrative that allows them to pull out without looking like losers. Which obviously only works on their cult followers but makes them look even worse to everybody else.

I was talking to a coworker, and his theory is that Trump is negotiating with UAE/Qatar/Kuwait/Saudi Arabia and he's confusing them with Iran.

This headline comes from Reuters but somehow I expected it was from the Onion.

Trump thought negotiations were going well, even when the Iranians shouted “BABA BOOOEY! BABA BOOEY! HOWARD STERN’S P****!!” and hung up. Some sort of negotiating tactic.

Any peace will only be real once Iran announces it, the USA has unnerly destroyed it's credibility in international matters

I will take this one step further and say that the US surrendered to Iran about ten days ago when Russia met with Kushner and Witkoff in Florida. This is based on the fact that there are no terms in a ceasefire - and we immediately knew what Iran's terms were the very next day. It's no secret that the US has depleted its munitions. The stock market is tanking. Gas is skyrocketing. And Trumps business partners in the middle east are not happy with Iran attacking their infrastructure. At this point - we're just trying to save face, manipulate the markets some more, and try and make a little money. I would like to know who at the NYSE greenlights the reaction to Trump's conflicting updates (we won, we will win, I can't say when we will win).

Wait, who the f*** has the cards?!?! Anyone??

Mission accomplished

Everytime negotiations are ongoing, something even worse happens. This is military cover

Since he’s been playing with house money his entire life, it doesn’t surprise me that Mr. Art of the Deal probably never had to truly negotiate anything. Pathetic.

Trump: Iran agreed to give up everything and become the 52st state Iran: The f*** we did

The US is impossible to negotiate with because Israel is an uncontrollable rabid dog that will do whatever it wants anyway and both parties are too cowardly to rein it in

Looks like those marines are going to be busy next week.

My god, they’re humiliating the president of the United States while at war with America.

Yeah that doesn't surprise me, Trump likes "negotiations" without all parties involved present

I thought they didn't have a military anymore--let alone an entire Spokesperson!

The only issue I have right now is that I don’t believe that the Iranian government is whole. I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that there are splinter factions that are negotiating or passing notes and others that aren’t/have no idea. It’s also strange that there is no proof of life of Mojtaba which leads me to believe he is badly injured or dead and the fractured leadership is playing a global game of Weekend at Bernie’s. If that’s the case then I don’t doubt that some Iranians are trying to negotiate

Great. Trump, his whole cabinet, all the Republicans and fetterman just lied about the war. If that's not an impeachable offense, nothing is

There's no logical reason for Iran to fabricate this story if there was negotiations.

Turns out Trump was talking to a top Iranian official, Masoud Barron. Of course, it was all in his mind.

yeah I heard the voices in Trump's head are giving him presents now 🙄

Trump bombed them during our last negotiations. Now Trump wants the same frame work as the JCPOA that he canceled in his first term except worse because now we are going to have to give tax payer money to rebuild and reparations to families of little girls he murdered. All of this could have been avoided if he knew back then what we know now. The JCPOA should have been renamed the “Trump Big Beautiful Iran Deal”

They don’t understand why Iran won’t come to the table because to them and especially to Trump everything is transactional. In their view everyone is only motivated by money or power, and anyone can be bought for the right price. They can’t understand true believers who would die rather than deal, and the results speak for themselves.

Government and military aside, I am a new fan of Iranian Spirit.

Or this corrupt contact: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/mar/24/iran-parliament-speaker-mohammad-bagher-ghalibaf-white-house "Ghalibaf can become not Iran’s formal leader, but instead part of what is increasingly resembling a security state leadership – if that is what Trump wants. Ghalibafs roots lie firmly in the IRGC. During the Iran-Iraq war, he commanded the IRGC’s 5th Nasr division, a unit involved in some of the most bloody battles. He became a protege of Ali Khamenei.. (later) named head of IRGC Aerospace from 1997 and then head of police from 2000. In the IRGC he ran its construction arm, so, as Trump likes to say, he knows the art of the property deal." "Ghalibaf cut his political spurs as mayor of Tehran between 2005 and 2017, a period in office when the first of many accusations of corruption started to surface. His supporters say Tehran’s development, including the expansion of the metro, was down to his far-sightedness. He was even the subject of a flattering 2008 profile in the New York Times, which described him as an “authoritarian moderniser”.. "..he was also a social conservative who in 2013 ordered that all female secretaries, typists or office managers in municipal offices should be replaced with men." "Repression of dissent has been one of the hallmarks of his career. During student protests in 1999, Ghalibaf was one of the 24 IRGC commanders who signed a letter to the reformist president Mohammad Khatami warning that if demonstrations were allowed to continue, they would take matters into their own hands. In an audio recording later released on social media, he acknowledged that he and the IRGC Qods Force commander Gen Qassem Suleimani – assassinated on Trump’s orders in 2020 – wielded clubs on motorcycles in the streets to suppress the student protest. “I was among those carrying out beatings on the street level and I am proud of that. I didn’t care I was a high-ranking commander,” Ghalibaf boasted. Similarly, he showed no compunction in dealing violently with the ”women, life, freedom” protests in Tehran in 2022, saying the police should have enforced the hijab laws earlier. When protests over Iran’s economic crisis erupted at the beginning of this year, Ghalibaf saw “a quasi coup” and Islamic State-style “terrorism”. "Rouhani claimed that in 2005 Ghalibaf had struck a deal to free several major drug and fuel smugglers in exchange for their support." "Ghalibaf has been dogged by accusations of corruption that have never come to court. When he made his most recent run for president in 2024, his campaign was dogged by stories that his wife, daughter and son-in-law had gone on a lavish shopping trip to Istanbul in 2022. Photographs appeared with them laden with luggage, at a time when ordinary Iranians were suffering under sanctions and high inflation. The family was said to have bought two apartments in Istanbul worth $1.6m.." "His critics claim that Ghalibaf supporters backed the attack on the Saudi embassy in Tehran in 2016 that led to the breaking off of diplomatic relations between the two countries. From Trump’s perspective, little of this matters if he feels, in negotiating with Ghalibaf, he is negotiating with Iran’s true power brokers. Ghalibaf does have lines to the commander-in-chief of the IRGC, Ahmad Vahidi, and the commander of the Khatam al-Anbiya central headquarters.."

Sounds right. He is a jack off. 

TBH, there are likely talks going on but not to the point Trump claims they are. Iran would be wise to not admit, publically, they are in talks as they've built up this air of undefeatablity, and if they admit they are talking, it shows waekness

It might be about the crude, dudes. Who benefits from a long term slowdown/closure of the Straight of Hormuz. US and Russia. US still produces “light, sweet” and imports heavy, because its refineries are built for it. Watch for new refineries being built to manage light sweet.

It’s just theatre for the markets. They still take Trump at face value because it benefits them financially. The alternative would be to acknowledge chaos reigns

I just imagine Witkoff doing a fake Iranian accent while Kushner talks to him on speaker while Trump just occasionally mutes it to say "I can't understand (racist epitithet)".

At some point this market manipulation will backfire, spectacularly. Both individual and institutional investors will to fail to buy in, and there will be big, permanent losses. It cuts both ways

Imagine trusting the word of an Iranian military spokesperson. How embarrassing.

I hate to be that guy but I’ve been obsessed about war since the 2003 Iraq war. I’ve read a lot about Iran and they hold all the cards at this point. Iran is a religious theocracy, it’s not Russia full of oligarchs who would throw Putin under the bus in a moment of shit really got bad there if it fucked with their bottom line. This isn’t Venzula. Iran has been preparing for something like this for 50 years. Their military is decentralized, each province has its own guard and commander that can work independently. They can control a vital global shipping lane and can keep it closed or be a toll both a make even more money. A Shahed drone has a 2000km range, there isn’t a big enough buffer to keep the strait safe for commercial passage when one of these drones can be launched from literally in Iran. The US can win military but not economically and politically and as a country with a 2k plus year history they understand the long game. The strait is an absolute kill box, that’s why the US navy is far off coast. Iran can offer a release value to the world with little cost, just the threat to blow shit up. What can the US do? Iraq and Afghanistan had no geographical advantage and we saw how that went with an insurgency.

Even when they negotiate with themselves they still lose... The current administration is unqualified, incompetent, arrogant, hateful and stupid.  Sadly the rest of the world is paying for their greed.

You can't win a war against people who think they go to Valhalla or its equivalent fighting and dying in a religious war against Israel and the great Satan. Maybe trump should study Klingons because I'm pretty sure they were based on Muslims.