Is anyone else envious of old peoples' ability to conversate and build/maintain community?

I’m one of the old folks who chats up everyone. The key is focusing on the other person in a positive way. It can be as simple as complimenting a color they are wearing. Good luck!!

I think a lot of it is that they grew up without constant digital distractions, so talking to people *was* the default way to pass time. Now we all have something in our pocket to retreat into, so those small, random conversations just happen less. It’s kind of sad, honestly.

Identifying the challenge is 90% of solving it. It's much easier now to connect to people than it used to be. That's the irony. Read "Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community" by Robert Putnam. (The audiobook Is great) Start a potluck, wine tasting, block party, hike, p**** party, dog walking group, \*whatever\* in your apartment/street/neighborhood. No excuses about size of your place. Do it outside if necessary. Do it regularly, even if it's annually. Start an email list for your neighborhood, so you can connect as needed (lost pets, sick neighbor, etc.) That's building community. 🫶

Go talk to some old people. Some even know other people your age.

A lot of it is that their generation embraced and taught manners, civil discussion, and respect. Whereas social media seems to overvalue all the opposite.

This has less to do with age and more to do with location. Neighborly neighborhoods definitely still exist. More of a small town thing these days but I've even seen it in some more developed suburbs/metros. Just gotta be lucky enough to find one - and also, willing to be sociable yourself.

I used to be very shy and closed in. Years of therapy helped, in particular, dbt, where we would get assignments like, “start three practice conversations.” That and volunteering for organizations helped me learn the art of small talk.

Yea. I think the world was different when they were young because people would strike up random conversation more and the phone thing is definitely an issue like some others are saying. But I believe we can make a change in how things are, and that change starts with me and you.

It's like elevator small talk. I had a pleasant conversation at a Dr's office while waiting to be called. It was refreshing. But I see your point some people are apprehensive of starting up a conversation with a stranger these days, which I find sad.

No, because I do it too.

It's a skill that can be practiced like any other, and you get better just by doing it.  Someone gave me the advice "most people are introverts" and honestly it's true, most people are looking to socialize generally, you just gotta give em an opportunity 

The younger generation is too fixed on the screens

Is it me? Am I the old people? I am 48 for context haha

In addition to what someone said above about focusing on positive things to converse about, ask questions. Everyone’s best subject is themselves, that’s one of the easiest ways Ive found to talk to just about anyone. So ask them things! Where are they from, what do they do for a living / study in school, what’s their favorite pastime/movie/etc.

I was at my university dining hall today, and I made a point of not touching my phone while I was there for dinner. I noted how many people that were eating alone were on their phone, and out of hundreds of people, I could count on one hand those who weren’t scrolling with an Airpod in. Yet for people who were eating with other people, nobody was on their phone. So it’s a matter of actively choosing to have a conversation over the passivity of opening social media and checking out of your environment because it’s the lowest-energy state.

Your generation really seems to have issues with social interaction. Was it Covid? Screens? My students seem to suffer from social anxiety. What’s with the stare? And they struggle to discuss anything slightly uncomfortable with someone. It’s all ask a higher authority or just cut them out if they make you feel discomfort. I’m genuinely worried for you all

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I’m 36 (maybe that’s old?) but I do this all the time. At a minimum weekly. Just lived in a big city, knew all my neighbors. Moved to mid sized city and after two months have met most of them. Talk to people in grocery stores, parks (I have a baby), my baristas, etc. it’s there for you! You may be younger than me though because I will say my partner and I have commented how Gen Z folks seem far less interested in ever engaging in chit chat. 

Huh, my dad is like that. He can build an instant connection with anyone which is great. But I'm worried he's a bit prone to scams from malicious people. So, it's a double-edged sword.

Put your phone down, amazing things can happen when you look up.

it's not hard to do. put the phone down. go out the house. stop thinking words hurt & you're entitled to anything but taxes & death and you'll be able to sit down and talk with the old generation. i was raised by my grandparents, and i'm so glad i did. i can't relate to anybody younger than me hardly. (i'm 35) the older generation is far from apologetic, and are going to tell you TRUTHS, because "your truth", "his truth", and "their truth" are just social constructs/delusions. **as a kid, going back as far as i can remember: my grandparents (successful farmers - 3500 acres) taught me all of this below, and all throughout my life EVERY DAMN THING THEY SAID HAS RANG TRUE OVER & OVER. was i desensitized? absolutely not. i was taught to be realistic, by people who have LIVED LIFE without any excuses.** everyone wants to have something wrong with them. everyone wants to say words hurt. everyone wants to talk about equality, and people want to be "PC" (LOL) and i could keep going on & on.......but the reality is: there's nothing wrong with you. "dEbIlItAtInG aNxIeTy" & anything like it is a crock of shit (get the f*** over it/yourself. man the f*** up - nobody cares. nobdoy wants to hear that shit anyway) words don't hurt: you're just soft as hell & want to be a victim & have not been out in the real world/lived like bubble boy all of your life. everyone is **not** equal, nor can they be. if they were: everyone would be successful (etc) & above average intelligence. that's far from the case. some people are meant to be chiefs, and others were meant to be indians. **you get out what you put in.** **maintain drive, ambition, integrity, loyalty, your hunger & ability to control your emotions, be clear/concise and you'll do just fine.** that's just the reality of the world you don't have to agree with this, but it's just the truth. your fate is entirely up to you. how you get treated is entirely up to you. the world is not a kind place & if you so choose to perpetuate your own demise/being a POS, you will solely be the one that is ultimately responsible.