Long-term relationships

We've been married over 45 years. She's still the nicest person I've ever met and she thinks I'm the funniest person she has ever met. Being together this long you just get comfortable. She knows I'll always have her back and I know she'll always have mine.

Believe me the older you get the easier it gets . We all have a past and people get to a age where you can't be bothered to be pissed about nor to be messing about.

Find someone with integrity, who loves you enough to not put themselves in situations that could put your relationship into question. If they love you, they be kind and honest and try to always work things out. That's rare, trust me, but its out there. See how they are under pressure, are they introspective? Never lose hope lol

What stops me from leaving is that I like her and she likes me.                What stops me from hurting her is that I'm not a psychopath.            In order for a relationship to be worth it, it has to be a good one.             Cheating has always been common.            

it’s all about communication and mutual respect, honestly. couples who last figured out how to navigate the ups and downs together, plus they probably share values and goals that keep them connected longer.

Healthy relationships require healthy individuals. So many relationships are unhealthy because of those that are in them. When you heal yourself and find another healed person you can form a genuine, caring, long lasting bond. Healthy people trust, understand the balance between the individual vs the unit, and have good communication. They are willing to undertake the work to understand their partner, their differences and value those as much as they value commonalities. When you are in a relationship that feels safe, nurturing, grounding, like you belong there and simultaneously supports your growth as an individual you can't fathom anything else. Boredom doesn't set in because each person is growing and rediscovering the other. Contempt doesn't begin because there is no room for contempt when you have a stable foundation that allows for healthy growth.

A real loving and solid relationship is hard to find. I have one, and I tell my wife how lucky I am every day. When you find a good relationship you have to foster it, keep making the effort. It's not always easy, but well worth the effort. Yes, cheating happens, but that's a 'skewed statistic'. You hear/read about the cheaters, but people don't post about all the times someone didn't cheat. It's less common than it appears.

deep friendship...romance second

My parents, who are still married after 32 years, taught me the 5-Cs, which I think has helped me both in dating, and definitely in my marriage (together 12 years). Compatibility; are you two truly a good fit? Do you both share like minds and like hearts? Care, actual true care for your partner; do you truly wish the best for them, do you respect them? Are you even friends? Communication; self explained, but do you feel safe to share anything and everything? Do you trust their advice and seek their guidance in times of need? This is important, as you will never always be the strong one and you won't always see eye-to-eye, you need a partner you can communicate with, Compromise; the ability to push, pull, and settle is needed in a relationship that lasts. You won't always agree, but you will have to bend at times (nothing detrimental should be included in this). Being able to take a knee when it's appropriate is a needed trait in a relationship. Consistency; you will change and evolve in a relationship, and you'll either grow together or you grow apart. Being consistent in your habits will uphold all of the aforementioned practices that help maintain longevity in a healthy relationship. I hope this helps :)

Married 23 years. No abuse. If a reader’s relationship is abusive, ignore the thoughts below and just run.  What keeps us from leaving? We made a decision and commitment we wouldn’t. Even when it got messy. Even when neither one wanted to stay. We stayed anyway. And it paid off because now we are at the point of being unable to imagine leaving or living without each other.  What keeps us from hurting each other? Nothing. We still hurt each other. The secret is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly.  The hurts eventually lessoned in frequency and depth. We learned what hurts one another and avoid doing those things. We learned it’s not always about us and to stop taking so much the other person does so personally.  The secret no one talks about is this: You WILL get hurt. There will be times you WILL want to leave. But you stay anyway. And it’s worth it. 

It's social 502 glue that bonds us together.

How old are you? "cheating is so common" where do you get this? Sorry, i dont think its that hard. You do the work. You stay. In simplest terms, the way to stay married is don't get divorced. Get it? :) Keep working at it.

i’ve wondered this too.... i think it’s more about choosing each other over and over, not always feeling the same. :)

Sunk cost fallacy for some. Finances

People never feel the same in a relationship they just adapted to the experience and circumstances. People are committed to a relationship because they see a consensus in the relationship. They seek companionship, partnership and also eventually marriage and kids. Once they have marriage and kids they have obligation because of the commitment to the relationship. Anyone who doesn't have a sense of obligation to a relationship especially after marriage pretty much setting their marriage up for failure. Also as time goes on as you get older people are just accustomed to their partners. It's what is familiar and safe. People who cheat are practically cowards who are too afraid to break up and be alone for a short period of time before finding someone else. Like if you aren't happy in a relationship just be brave enough to break up before dragging a new person into the drama.

That takes a lot of investment, patience, determination commitment. It takes both working together. that's rare now

I have been in a relationship for 8 years and I think what makes my relationship going except for love is respect and maturity. We both respect each other and are mature and know what we have is not worth risking for anything.

Why do you think staying together a long time means they aren't hurting each other? 

usually one of them (or both) has a physical lover in the city which they reside in, and they keep the other one out of convenience because he/she has something to offer.

There is a rare magic in growing up alongside your high school sweetheart… evolving not just as individuals, but as a single unit. Modern relationships often feel like two finished products trying to fit together, lacking the shared roots that make a connection truly real. And looking for a relationship with late 20s… it’s already over and you get the leftovers. And these „high school sweetheart“ couples never lost their youthfulness. Hand holding, spontaneous sex, hickey, insider jokes, being the actually the some people just in an olde body. Plus it’s like a flow. You don’t have to work for it.

I was with my ex for 17 years. I loved him with all I had. That's why I stayed. He just never returned the favor and started straying from it. I tried to make myself seen and heard. Tell him how his actions and lack of them effected me. It took everything in me to leave. I'll never love like that again. I'll never trust like that again. I lost my best friend of over 20 years. I lost my family, my life companion. I lost everything. But I couldn't stay. I was withering away and ballooning at the same time. I felt like nothing more than a warm body. Then within days he was with the friend I never had to worry about. If she only knew what he goes around saying about her... but she isn't any better and she openly cheated on her boyfriend with him too. They deserve each other. I hope it hurts.

I’ve been with my husband for 23 years altogether and we’ve just got closer and closer: there’s a change in your feelings as you mature and your love gets even deeper. As long as nobody cheats that is. You have to choose someone who doesn’t cheat.

My (now late) wife and I became best friends, we did most everything together. BEST 29 year relationship of our lives.

The secret is that some people just like one another and aren’t too bent on receiving perfection. My girl and I have plenty of flaws, and although we make fun of them at times, they’re never held against us. They’re normal. What I do think most people overlook is how we seem to want to have control over who and what we like, and that we can somehow change ourselves and the others to suit that, when in reality, I think more and more that some things just cannot be changed and either fit or don’t fit the other. And some people are just lucky enough to find others that fit right out of the box. 🤷‍♂️

Honestly, I think the "secret" is that they \*don't\* feel exactly the same after 10-20 years - the relationship just evolves into something different but still meaningful. The couples I know who've made it long-term seem to genuinely like each other as people, not just love each other romantically, and they've figured out how to navigate conflict without destroying trust. Also worth noting that we tend to hear way more about relationships that fail dramatically than the quiet ones that just... work. It can skew our perception of what's actually common out there.

Eleven and a half years together here; five and a half of those married. We don't feel the same as we did ten years ago. Not that the love has died—it's just become comfy. Well-worn. He's my best friend and my favorite person even if there's things he does that irritate the bejesus out of me, and I know it's the same about me for him. I wouldn't want to go through my struggles with anyone else. His compassion and love has helped me so much. Recently (relatively speaking) it's been my turn to step up emotionally for him to help him through his own tough times and it feels good to reciprocate the support I had during my own. We actually just spent our first length of time apart since before our marriage a few weeks ago when I had to go back to my home country to visit family and he couldn't come with and it just reinforced that while we're each perfectly capable of being independent, together we're so much stronger. Things that squick me out don't bother him and vice-versa. One of us can be panicking our face off about something and the other will be the steady rock that we hold onto. Ultimately, we're a team, and that's how we approach everything. It's a lot easier to stick together when you both default to _we_ instead of _I_.

We're on the same team. That's the long and short of it.