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Announcements Apr 1, 2026 at 7:32 PM

Making exceptions for party dress code?

Posted by Infamous-Dot-1529

Hi! I just wanted to get some input on me making exceptions for my friends who are coming to my birthday party. I am having something called a debut— it's basically similar to a quinceñara but in the Philippines we have it as a celebration for 18 years of age. Here's where I want some opinions. The dress-code is formal with the colour-palette being pastels. I was thinking of the theme being a rococo-ish tea party. Now, some of my best friends are goth and don't usually wear any colours other than black. We've always had contrasting styles and I love it! I want them to feel comfortable at my party so we can all have fun and take great memorable pictures. However, my mum is worried they'll stand out too much and feel embarrassed for sticking out— when you dress alternative like goth etc. , this is not usually a problem for you and you're used to it. Personally, I think they can wear something in their style and still fit on theme and my friends will check with me beforehand if what they will wear is acceptable. But now that I think about it, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to make this exception or just let my friends find a one-time pastel outfit for the event. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!!
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16 Comments

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Shogun_Sensei_ Apr 1, 2026 +14
Bro just let them wear what they want, its your party not your mum's. Goth in pastels sounds kinda fire tbh, they can mix it up and still look cool
14
Weak_Astronaut1969 Apr 1, 2026 +4
Suggest they do pastel makeup and accessories if it matters. Your friends love you and they’ll show up for you whatever they wear
4
truly_scrumptious2 Apr 1, 2026 +2
I feel they should be willing to compromise for you and your event. They can probably borrow or buy some accessories in your preferred color theme. I also feel your mother might be right about them sticking out... like not wearing a costume to a costume party or a white dress to a wedding. Ultimately its up to you and how you feel about it
2
Soft-Rock-4590 Apr 1, 2026 +2
I agree. Dress "alternative" as well but any time ive gone to an event with a theme I'm going to adhere to it, because it's not about me. Only annoying part is having to buy colors when its color-themed because everything I own is black but again, its one day, if anything the clothing can get returned (which I have done 1-2 times).
2
panaceaXgrace Apr 1, 2026 +2
Pastels and black can look wonderful together. Maybe the ones in black could have some sort of pastel accessory like a flower brooch or wrist cuff that you could provide? Even a flower for their hair. They won't feel embarrassed or left out if their color choice is recognized and embraced.
2
EnragedRougarou Apr 1, 2026 +2
Long time goth here 🙋🏼‍♀️ I don't care if the theme is "little house on the prairie," if that's the theme my friend wants for her party, i'm showing up wearing a matching ruffled bonnet and apron, holding a butter churn. If my friend wants pastel as her theme, the only thing I'm questioning is whether I'm wearing TOO much pastel.
2
dizedd Apr 1, 2026 +3
You are correct in this instance-your mom is in the wrong. It is bad manners to give your guests a "color theme" for the dress code. Asking guests to wear specific colors is treating them like human photo props vs. loved ones whom you want to celebrate with. Expecting them to pay good money to buy an entire new outfit that they will never wear again and would also feel absurdly uncomfortable in is also bad manners. You want these people there because they are your friends and you love them and you want to share a joyful experience with them. Making them dress up in something that would feel like a humiliating clown costume to them would mean that they aren't having a joyful experience-they would just be going along with something that makes them miserable only to make you happy, and you don't want that. It's absolutely possible to find an appropriate dark colored goth outfit to wear as a guest at a debut. Tell your mom that unhappy sad faces would ruin the photos way worse than black outfits!
3
truly_scrumptious2 Apr 1, 2026
But a person would buy green for st Patrick's and pink for valentines
0
SurviveStyleFivePlus Apr 1, 2026 +2
Not if they're a goth, they wouldn't.
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dizedd Apr 1, 2026
Red and green both come in darker goth shades. No one throws dress coded parties for either of these holidays anyways, and I haven't worn green on St Patricks day since elementary school. I feel free to walk around as an adult not wearing green knowing that I can freely punch any fool who pinches me right in the face :)
0
Electrical-Act-7170 Apr 1, 2026 +1
Change the party theme from pastels.
1
Odd-Permission2310 Apr 1, 2026 +1
What about garden goth? Like.... 1600 dracula garden party vibe. Steampunk? Lace, capes?
1
gothiclg Apr 1, 2026 +1
They’re going to be used to standing out. I’d just let them wear whatever as long as it wouldn’t be considered inappropriate for other reasons.
1
ObjectiveCoelacanth Apr 1, 2026 +1
Talk with your friends! If they want to rock full pastel, all good. Pastel clothing with black goth makeup or black clothing with a pastel item (tie, pocket square, something they think would be fun) and/or makeup would both look great. :D
1
RogerClyneIsAGod2 Apr 1, 2026 +1
There is such a thing as [Pastel Goth.](https://www.listnook.com/r/Pastelgoth/) [https://aesthetics.fandom.com/wiki/Pastel\_Goth](https://aesthetics.fandom.com/wiki/Pastel_Goth)
1
Pizzasgood Apr 1, 2026 +1
Your mom's concern is understandable, but it's ultimately up to your friends to decide what they are and are not comfortable with, not you or her. Your job is only to make sure they know about the theme everyone else will be following so that they can make an informed decision.
1
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