Speedrunning a cult is the funniest thing la has done in years
4561
GimmieGummiesMay 1, 2026
+854
Now let's all do that in all their "churches" 😄
854
Consistent-Throat130May 1, 2026
+540
and all of a sudden, you're rescuing children.
F*** it, world needs a speedrun on Mormon Disneyland.
540
Artyom_ValentineMay 1, 2026
+169
If only. They’ve been trying real hard to rebrand as a Christian movement. I grew up in the church and still “attend” to appease my parents, it’s still the same cult it’s always been
169
The1987RedFoxMay 1, 2026
+53
Funnily it’s less speed running and more real life roguelike what with the map becoming more known while it gets harder to navigate due to increased security
53
Available_Usual_9731May 1, 2026
+34
Now they need to storm the Epstein Ranch and try to find buried bodies or dissolving chambers
34
ItsDomorOmMay 1, 2026
+7644
Oh nooooo. Is the cult/real estate conglomerate sad??!
7644
Successful-Winter237May 1, 2026
+1491
Oh no the homophobic cult that bankrupts its members is sad
1491
BruiserBrolyMay 1, 2026
+468
How dare you? They only charge a small fee of a couple of hundred thousands dollars for enlightenment! Which involves explaining that the reason you're unhappy is because the souls of a dead alien species that was murdered in volcanos by Xenu are clinging to you causing negative spiritual energy! What's wrong with that?
468
Fucky0uthatswhyMay 1, 2026
+156
I guarantee you have to get a lot farther than “a couple hundred thousand dollars” to hear about Xenu. That’s reserved for the top brass. The low level guys are too busy with personality tests
156
A_Furious_MindMay 1, 2026
+50
I can never pass those.
50
TheWolfbytezMay 2, 2026
+7
For $200k, we can give you another shot at it...
7
eldestdaughtersunionMay 1, 2026
+48
IIRC, you learn about Xenu at OT III (it goes up to VII) and the cost to reach OT III was estimated to be in the $125-200k range a few years ago depending on exactly what path you take and how much auditing they decide you need.
48
Fucky0uthatswhyMay 1, 2026
+22
Surely Tariffs have raised that
22
ICC-uMay 1, 2026
+8
Wow, so Xenu isn't even half the truth. Maybe only Tom Cruise knows what is really going on.
8
toad_historianMay 1, 2026
+19
Thanks for saving me a few hundred grand with your explanation.
19
GarmaCyroMay 1, 2026
+18
I'm insulted. You forgot about their child amd adult slave labor. Alongside burglary and stalking. Scientology takes being a cult very serious. No half measures.
18
Successful-Winter237May 1, 2026
+51
And taping the confessions to use as blackmail is only part of the process to enlightenment
51
Kingkai9335May 1, 2026
+22
If my body can provide a safe refuge and sense of protection for terrified dead alien souls that feel the need to cling to me. Then I feel honored
22
DeFexMay 1, 2026
+4
Everyone makes fun of them for basing the lore on ridiculous science fiction when the proper genre for religion is ridiculous fantasy.
4
IM_OK_AMAMay 1, 2026
+55
The bankruptcies are strategic evil. You get someone to go into massive debt for the church then have them do a bankruptcy assuring them you'll take care of them. The church gets free money and you get a member who's now utterly dependent on it for their survival.
55
L1QU1D_ThUND3RMay 1, 2026
+29
Oh no, the front for human trafficking is sad!
29
[deleted]May 1, 2026
+687
[removed]
687
SamLowry_May 1, 2026
+266
The summoning salt video in 10 years is gonna fuckin’ glorious.
266
TiafvesMay 1, 2026
+114
Can't wait for someone named NoCap67 to break the sub minute barrier.
114
Venus_OneMay 1, 2026
+46
"For years, the record stayed the same, with few improvements. Then, out of nowhere, came a speed runner... AndrewG."
46
Rathbane12May 1, 2026
+22
Nah man it’s gotta be Matt Turk
22
BigRedUglyManMay 1, 2026
+10
Non-zero chance it's actually Summoning Salt himself.
10
blogomanMay 1, 2026
+12
I've seen some interesting tech where you might not need to burn any of your e-meter to get through some of the floors.
12
shinjikun10May 1, 2026
+18
I understood this reference. I could never handle attempts where you need pixel perfect timing.
18
LevarienMay 1, 2026
+129
Seriously, the most telling bit about these videos is how few actual people are in these large facilities. Its just a large tax-free real estate holding company.
129
BrookeStardustMay 1, 2026
+31
I've been in a few of the buildings in different areas (NYC, Edinburgh, DC) for unrelated reasons and they are usually very empty with only two to three different employees / volunteers milling about. I imagine their primary job is some form of casual security- especially in NY- as there were always protesters whenever I walked by and when I went inside they seemed genuinely surprised when I wasn't there to harass them.
I can't speak for Big Blue in CA but, from what I gather, most of the org members I've met at the other buildings are very low ranking folk stuck in a cult they don't know how to get out of.
(For those wondering why I was there- I am a scifi nerd and happen to have a lot of old LRH books picked up from library book sales and the like. My visits to orgs are mostly to get the free pamphlets and paperwork to add to my shelves. As a note- his books are incredibly dry and not particularly good and I found Dianetics itself to be the ramblings of a man who clearly was paid by the word. His Westerns, however- hilarious in how weirdly homoerotic they all tend to be.)
31
LevarienMay 1, 2026
+11
The only interaction I ever really have with them is at DragonCon in Atlanta. They always have a booth in the dealer's rooms that they're trying to covertly sell Scientology hooks like Dianetics to the con-goers. The funny thing is they know that no one would ever stop near them if they showed their true colors, so it's disguised to look like one of the many random authors that set up shop.
11
HoodedmastersinMay 1, 2026
+80
Let them be mad about it
80
Icy-Cod1405May 1, 2026
+20
If really bad people are the only ones mad keep doing what you are doing
20
FluxusFlotsamMay 1, 2026
+52
you left out celebrity fixer service too
52
MurrabbitMay 1, 2026
+4
They took care of that thing with John Travolta's son for instance. . . and yeah um now he doesn't have a son no more. No more problem, see?
4
JennHatesYouMay 1, 2026
+1206
The funny part is that by continuing to run through the buildings, these people are proving that $cientology is actually a scam. The “end phenomena” of their highest level, OT 8, promises complete control over MEST (matter energy space and time). The people keeping running through the building and they can’t stop them.
All hail Xenu.
1206
IvebeenfurtherevenMay 1, 2026
+615
\>be me
\>be high-level scienlologist
\>complete control over MEST (matter energy space and time)
\>famine still exists
\>war still exists
\>pestilence still exists
\>death still exists
\>I still get stuck in LA traffic
615
steve_ampleMay 1, 2026
+103
\> wallet with money in it still exist?
103
Realdoc3May 1, 2026
+31
Not your wallet.
31
SubBirbianMay 1, 2026
+104
What level is Tom Cruise at? He has the power of Q yet?
Hubbard was a sci-fi author so he based his tax exempt money scam cult on that genre.
104
JennHatesYouMay 1, 2026
+150
Yes, cruise has reached the top. But as is obvious he has no powers and this issue has been slowly eating away at the cult since lrh died. It was lrh who said his word was gospel so once he died there was no new material to extend the “tech” as they call it.
Little Davey has basically pulled a smoke and mirror show for the past 40 years to keep people hooked and saying there is more tech but it can’t be released until every org is the size of their biggest base.
They have been gobbling up every last dollar in every way that they can and they have a shit ton of money. But, and I’m not kidding about this, they have maybe 50k members left world wide and they can barely bring anyone new in thanks to all the bad press they’ve gotten for years.
Problem is even if they only have 10 members, they have more money than you can imagine and they have a disgusting amount of power. They conducted the largest government infiltration operation in the history of this country back when Hubbard was alive. They bullied the irs into tax exemption. It’s WILD
150
JennHatesYouMay 1, 2026
+51
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Snow_White
The irs thing was later https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tax_status_of_Scientology_in_the_United_States
51
IvebeenfurtherevenMay 1, 2026
+34
Imagine bullying the IRS - what kind of dirt did Hubbard have on the elites!?
34
PM_ME_UR_CREDDITCARDMay 1, 2026
+17
He had money.
He had his cultists file tons of lawsuits. Both against the IRS and the individual people working for them, accusing them of all sorts of things, targeting and harassing them till the IRS caved.
17
JennHatesYouMay 1, 2026
+6
Accidentally replied above to this, links included
6
gravescdMay 2, 2026
+14
Fun Fact: You can't copyright or trademark a "sincerely held religious belief". And since no court has ever held that scriptural literacy is required to demonstrated sincerity of belief, literally anyone can be a Scientologist.
You want to spread the enlightening message of Xenu to everyone? Go for it. As a *Reform Scientologist*, you don't even have to read the same book or interpret the teachings the same way as the orthodox Scientologists. In fact you don't have to read any books at all, as long as you feel the love of Xenu in your heart.
Hell, nail a list of grievances to the LA Scientology Reading Room's door and start a centuries-long series of bloody political conflicts. That's how you'll know Scientology is a real big boy religion.
14
cinyarMay 4, 2026
+3
Start a schism, declare yourself the new pope of Scientology! Scientology doesn't have a pope? It does now motherfuckers!
3
A_N_TMay 1, 2026
+3384
I wonder what Shelly Miscavige thinks about this. Hey David Miscavige, leader of the Church of Scientology, let's get an interview with your beloved wife who strangely has not been seen in 20 years by anyone.
3384
wombat74May 1, 2026
+1012
She's a little busy at the moment, but she'll give a full interview as soon as her SeaOrg Contract is over
1012
[deleted]May 1, 2026
+207
[removed]
207
Doctor_SauceMay 1, 2026
+57
🎶 If you're looking for she,
You better check under the sea,
'cause that is where you'll find she,
Underneath the sea, org,
Underneath the water,
Seaorg, at the bottom of the sea 🎶
57
voyuristicvoyagerMay 1, 2026
+8
Goddamn, core memory unlocked lmao. Hesch was always my no 1. MC Chris for f****** life.
8
Exotic-Screen-9204May 1, 2026
+145
(That's a one billion year contract!)
145
6gv5May 1, 2026
+308
While we are at it, I'd take the chance to ask him what really happened to Flo Barnett, his mother-in-law.
[https://web.archive.org/web/20120705033059/http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2012/01/the\_strange\_dea.php](https://web.archive.org/web/20120705033059/http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2012/01/the_strange_dea.php)
>There is another reason why Flo Barnett's death is still a matter of interest on the Internet, I told Kitchings.
>Quite a few of us, I explained to her, wonder how Barnett managed to shoot herself three times in the chest and once in the head -- with a long rifle -- in what the County Medical Examiner ruled was a suicide.
308
IvebeenfurtherevenMay 1, 2026
+82
Corruption level: Russia
82
DoctorOctagonapusMay 1, 2026
+17
Actual quote from the County Medical Examiner: "OK OK you can stop pointing all those shotguns at me! There, I've said it was a suicide, now can I please have my wife and children back?"
17
hugemessanonMay 1, 2026
+13
bro wtf
13
OwnerOfCatMay 1, 2026
+431
If the speed runners reach the deepest dungeon of the Scientology headquarters, Shelly Miscavige is the final boss and takes the form of a tentacled monster!
The above isn’t true, but is just as believable as the nonsense Scientology spouts out on a daily basis.
431
BillionTonsHyperboleMay 1, 2026
+97
We need a guy in underpants with his intrepid cat to save the day!
97
DaoFerretMay 1, 2026
+40
:You have received a benefactor box from the krakaren:
40
VeloceCatMay 1, 2026
+23
God damn it donut.
23
kermotMay 1, 2026
+5
NEW ACHIEVEMENT..... HOLY WAR.
You have trode... trodden....f*** I don't know...WALKED..on the holy ground of a sanctuary of.... SCIENTOLOGY????... F*** those guys. You thought those Plenty fuckers were weird...I mean DC-10s crashing into volcanos? Even I'M not that fucked up.
REWARD: Here's a copy of Dianetics and an E-meter. Why, because F*** you for making me read up on these fuckers.
PS. I put you on their mailing lists, too. Enjoy you mail.
5
CandlejackdawMay 1, 2026
+12
Lol. My first comment got a warning/removed due to containing certain actions involving bare feet.
12
Newone1255May 1, 2026
+10
SAROS 2: Scientology Boogaloo
10
black_foresstMay 1, 2026
+250
Shelly is "well and alive" according to Scientology's private security, the LAPD.
I personally find that hard to believe..
250
appleparkfiveMay 1, 2026
+163
No it's true. Her niece is on social media and made a video about it. She was abused by Shelly growing up and escaped the church, so she's not running defense.
From what I recall she basically said "She's definitely alive, and she's just as big a monster as he is". Something like that.
163
4KVoicesMay 1, 2026
+103
Pretty sure it was something along the lines of "she thinks it's really funny that The Poors think she's somebody they should have sympathy for so she avoids being seen at all to keep it going"
103
HauntedCemeteryMay 1, 2026
+12
It's not either/or.
She can both be a f****** monster and also a victim of monsterous abuse.
In fact those usually go together.
12
BabypintoJuniorLubeMay 1, 2026
+88
Shelley is rumored to be locked in "The Hole" at Gold Base in Hemet with the rest of the imprisoned Sea Org.
88
black_foresstMay 1, 2026
+73
I sincerely doubt she's still alive. Her body could probably be hidden there. The LAPD's 'searches' for her turning up instant results is SO SKETCHY.
73
Webbie-VanderquackMay 1, 2026
+77
If Tony Ortega believes she's alive, she's almost certainly alive. He has contacts inside Scientology, as well as contacts who have left. He wrote this in 2024, but nothing has changed:
>Scientology may be very effective at keeping Shelly out of sight, but covering up a death is another matter entirely. Consider the case of Anne Tidman, for example. Also known as Annie Broeker, Tidman was one of the last people to see L. Ron Hubbard alive, and she was also kept out of sight at a Scientology compound for years. When she developed cancer and then became very ill, she was moved to an apartment in Hollywood, where she died in 2011. Scientology was able to keep news of her death quiet for several months, but eventually her family was told about it, and that’s how we became aware of it. If Shelly died, we think the news would get out even more quickly.
>Also, Scientology’s attorneys, in reaction to Leah Remini’s episode, made claims to the media that they had either personally seen Shelly or communicated with her. Scientology attorneys may be unpleasant human beings, but they aren’t going to risk their law licenses and claim that a dead woman is alive and well.
>**Shelly is alive.**
>She is at the CST compound near Crestline, California, the same place she’s been for 19 years. (We have amazing drone footage of the place, and a former employee there even pinpointed where he thinks Shelly is living and working there.)
>She is now 63 years old, and if claims of a recent sighting in the town of Crestline is correct, she may be in ill health.
>And yes, we will say again, she may be resigned to her fate.
Nobody wants to hear this, but it is possible she's not a prisoner hoping to be freed but a willing participant in the cult.
77
kaisadilla_May 1, 2026
+17
> she may be resigned to her fate.
Or maybe she isn't, but good luck escaping from an extremely secure prison when a whole organization is focused on keeping you there and controls all the authorities in the area.
17
Webbie-VanderquackMay 1, 2026
+20
Obviously we don't know whether she wants to escape or not, although her niece (ex-Scientologist Jenna Miscavige) believes she doesn't, and that carries some weight.
But we also don't know that the "whole organization is focused on keeping [her] there." That's an assumption that appeals to us, because we'd prefer to believe the wife of a megalomaniacal cult leader is an innocent victim and not a co-conspirator, but it may not be true. She herself may be the one focused on staying there.
>a whole organization...controls all the authorities in the area.
Lol, that's an exaggeration. Scientology simply isn't that powerful. They exercise a lot of control in Clearwater FL, and concerns have been raised about the Scientology connections of Lt. Andre Dawson, who handled the initial 2013 investigation into Shelly's whereabouts, but there's no suggestion that Scientology "controls all the authorities" in San Bernardino County.
20
Webbie-VanderquackMay 1, 2026
+44
She's not in the Hole, she's at the Lake Arrowhead compound and has been for many years. From [Tony Ortega](https://tonyortega.substack.com/p/does-shelly-miscavige-know-its-christmas-a01):
>So, sixteen years ago at the age of 44, Shelly was escorted from Int Base (where “The Hole” was) about 60 miles to the much smaller compound in the mountains near Lake Arrowhead, the headquarters of the Church of Spiritual Technology, where super-secret CST operates its project to archive the words of L. Ron Hubbard to store in vaults for thousands of years. (We are constantly asked, could Shelly be in “the Hole”? No, the Hole is located at the base where Shelly was taken away from. And we have eyewitnesses to the poor wretches held in the Hole continuously from 2005 to 2016, and Shelly is not among them.)
**Edit:** Jenna Miscavige, ex-Scientologist and niece of David, also asserts that Shelly is at Lake Arrowhead.
44
PheeliesMay 1, 2026
+4
I always just assumed she was at their underground base in NM engraving L.R.H's writing on metal disks or whatever they do there.
4
Yardsale420May 1, 2026
+124
Actually David’s niece (does not get along with him and is constantly harassed by Scientologists) recently posted a video where she claims that not only is Shelly fine and well, but she’s just as horrible a person as David. So it would actually back up statements made by police that they interviewed her and she’s fine.
124
DayleDMay 1, 2026
+58
She's a true believer who was groomed for leadership by LRH himself. If David passes she might inherit the whole cult.
58
x_ersatz_xMay 1, 2026
+55
just for anyone else reading, this is about shelly. the niece, jenna, is an outspoken critic of scientology
55
kaisadilla_May 1, 2026
+14
Fun fact: David murdered Shelly's mother. You know that "suicide by 3 shots to the chest with a rifle" - that case is literally where that meme was born: her mother was found with a shot to the head and 3 shots to the chest [with this rifle](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/49/Ruger_10-22.jpg/1920px-Ruger_10-22.jpg) and the death was ruled a suicide.
14
Equivalent-Battle973May 1, 2026
+6
>suicide by 3 shots to the chest with a rifle
WTF Corruption at its finest, unless she toed a machine gun to her chest, who the f*** claims thats a suicide...
6
FoxyInTheSnowMay 1, 2026
+36
She’s a skeleton wearing a faded wedding dress, sitting in a creaky rocking chair in a dusty attic at the top of “Super Power Building” (LOL) in florida.
36
Vio_May 1, 2026
+16
“Look at me,” said Shelly. “You are not afraid of a woman who has never seen the sun since you were born?”
16
warkiddMay 1, 2026
+27
She's happy, healthy, AND alive!
27
thenlarMay 1, 2026
+22
Boom boom!
22
sweetangeldivineMay 1, 2026
+14
David's also busy hiding after being served over allegations of human trafficking
14
InZomnia365May 1, 2026
+3
She's happy, healthy, and alive. Boom boom.
3
UzorglemonMay 1, 2026
+1385
Decades ago, a bunch of Sydney-based Something Awful forum goons met up for drinks in person. It culminated with one of the guys running into the main Sydney Scientology building, tearing a banner/flag off the wall, and all of us running down the street with two security guys in tow. They gave up after a while and we fucked off to the movies, complete with trophy.
Seeing this new trend brings me much happiness.
1385
somedude456May 1, 2026
+317
Ahhh, sweet sweet early internet forum days. No social media, everyone was basically anonymous, all sorts of wacky and sometimes illegal activities happening, and today they are just memories.
317
lufironMay 1, 2026
+134
> No social media
It was like Ready Player One. You never gave your real name. Anonymity was part of the charm.
134
FatTater420May 1, 2026
+84
The tethering of cyberspace to realspace has been a disaster for the human race.
84
Sea2ChiMay 1, 2026
+23
Seriously, I grew up with early internet so the idea of having my real name out there is horrifying. Everyone was anonymous and that was half the fun.
The last thing I want to do is be an influencer where people actually know who I am.
23
WoodenInternetMay 1, 2026
+10
We didn't realize what a golden era we were living in: Lowtax hadn't completely lost his mind, Bigpeeler was running amok, and ADTRW hadn't splintered off to fester into a cancerous boil on the ass of humanity yet.
10
theholyraptorMay 1, 2026
+30
Are there stairs in your house?
I miss the old internet.
30
xelferMay 1, 2026
+12
I am protected~
12
Odd_Round5515May 1, 2026
+8
Does your house have stairs? ...oh man I had such a good time browsing the SA forums. I miss the wild west days of the Internet. It was better when it was separate from our every day lives.
8
Pennsylvania6-5000May 1, 2026
+5
Hello, fellow SA Goon!
5
viktor72May 1, 2026
+802
Now this is a TikTok trend I can get behind.
802
DuztyLipzMay 1, 2026
+408
I just saw a tiktok yesterday where one of the kids were in a suit garment bag, unzipped themselves and started exploring. I laughed so f****** hard
408
Steamed_Memes24May 1, 2026
+165
Dude that video was f****** nuts. They are getting so clever on getting inside and just running around without the front desk knowing lmao.
165
severed13May 1, 2026
+67
Hopefully a resurgence for r/actlikeyoubelong
67
ThatGuyinPJsMay 1, 2026
+42
They haven't discovered the power of a suit, a high vis vest, and an iPad in a rugged carrying case just yet.
42
mooon_womanMay 1, 2026
+23
nah they have kids in that exact fit speed running
23
[deleted]May 1, 2026
+75
[deleted]
75
k_realtorMay 1, 2026
+125
Definitely better than their mafia cult.
*Scientology forbids its members to report fellow members to police for any reason. After each plaintiff reported the sexual assaults to the police, she was declared a "suppressive person" and ejected from the Church.*
125
IvebeenfurtherevenMay 1, 2026
+32
I'm surprised Russell Brand didn't join
32
BillionTonsHyperboleMay 1, 2026
+16
Just wait 'till they get priests to consecrate Tide Pods.
16
Necromancer_YodaMay 1, 2026
+88
Despite all the division in the world we can all agree to hate and laugh at scientology.
88
TheVintageJaneMay 1, 2026
+16
These days, yeah. But they also have done a tremendous amount of harm and for people still in their work camps, we gotta remember it’s not all harmless fun.
16
Th3_Admiral_May 1, 2026
+413
I can remember the days where people were really hesitant to mess with the church because they'd track you down and harass, sue, or threaten you. If all they are doing now is whining to the news and hoping the police do something, it sounds like they are really losing a lot of power.
413
Low_Pickle_112May 1, 2026
+190
There was [also this](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Snow_White)
How they were allowed to continue existing as an organization after that is beyond me.
190
DayleDMay 1, 2026
+31
Maybe they thought taking the founder's wife to prison would be enough to disrupt the cult?
31
FormergrMay 1, 2026
+95
One of the few things the internet has made better is shining some sunlight on organizations like this, and taking away a lot of the power they were able to keep purely from secrecy.
95
bbbbbbbbbblahMay 1, 2026
+37
and some of the earliest internet free speech lawsuits came about as a result of Scientology lawyers thinking that they can control USENET like they can control the print media
37
unknown_pigeonMay 1, 2026
+46
The more I read about scientology, the more I'm glad that it isn't really a thing in my country
Like, I open the page about a son of Hubbard or whatever he was called, the founder. Died by suicide at 22. Was sent to a labor camp for "not behaving". I check it. The conditions are compared to those of a gulag, with people sleeping in rat-filled basements and be punished with forced labor.
I then swap to the current leader. His wife has been "missing" since 2007. That's 19 years. LAPD is refusing to investigate, saying that missing reports are "unfounded".
Also, the leader is investigated for, among the other things: slavery, child abuse, forced labor.
Their compound base, Gold Base iirc, is reported to have severely underpaid staff that works seven days a week, and which gets punished for not reaching the work quota. More than 100 people have been reported to gave tried to flee the compound, only to be detained by their "security". They claim the first Amendment to prevent the government from investigating what is clearly an illegal activity.
And that's from, like, twenty minutes of scrolling random pages.
46
TeaAndLiftingMay 1, 2026
+6
Yeah. I just made a comment about this in comparison to Chanology back in 2008. Completely different vibe and these teenage speedrunners are so completely unserious about it, I can’t help but laugh with them.
6
Generic_LuxMay 1, 2026
+630
"Church." Doing a lot of work for that business.
630
nutmacMay 1, 2026
+164
It's also "science", because they believe that human beings came from another planet via spacecraft that looks like Douglas DC-8.
164
EffectivePatient493May 1, 2026
+75
"this is what scientologists actually believe"
\~\~
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4EfhH\_w48w](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4EfhH_w48w)
click through for the next parts. This is what they actually believe.
75
rockytop24May 1, 2026
+76
I will always love South Park not just for telling the story but literally plastering that disclaimer at the bottom so people know, "no, this isn't the parody part. They actually believe this insanity."
Lord Xenu and his reincarnated alien souls spewing from a volcano are a whole nother level of batshit crazy.
76
Environmental-Car481May 1, 2026
+7
I really need to watch this episode.
7
____DEADPOOL_______May 1, 2026
+3
There are a lot of weakminded people and plenty of wolves herding them into different silos (churches, political groups, etc.) where they can use up and manipulate them.
3
Plane_Election_1598May 1, 2026
+890
The kids are gonna be alright
890
NickCostanzaMay 1, 2026
+412
As someone who used to live near that building but was too scared to go in I’ve found this trend pleasantly enlightening!
Unfortunately for them, now that I’ve seen the inside I’m simply not interested in exploring further 💅
412
miraiosterMay 1, 2026
+22
I used to live around there when I was in high school. Heading back from school every day I'd have to pass this building, and they thought nothing of trying to get me inside. Most days it was just a hand wave and I'm done, but some days it was a bit aggressive and it would take a conversation to get them off (I was still in my awkward phase and didn't know how to eject).
Absolutely no sympathy for them.
22
Rylegit1May 1, 2026
+14
They keep updating a map of the layout of one of the buildings the further each group gets like it’s Maze Runner lmao
14
VaryStaybullGeenyissMay 1, 2026
+86
I'm unironically hopeful about that generation. You can expect great things out of people who spend their entire lives in desperation.
86
Ok_Instance7667May 1, 2026
+16
When you don't care if the Sun rises tomorrow, you can do anything today.
16
MistahJasonPortmanMay 1, 2026
+25
Is it not the same generation whose males statistically believe women should be submissive (and other red pill bullshit)?
25
SemperMementoMoriMay 1, 2026
+19
Sure. Then there's the other side of that coin.
19
PepinoPicanteMay 1, 2026
+168
It’s funny. A good amount of people I knew (including my wife and I) used to do this like 20 years ago at their HQ/museum.
The goal wasn’t to get caught - it was to go through the entire process, turn them down at the end and leave.
We’d always give fake names and contact info.
Was good fun back then too. :)
168
melodypowersMay 1, 2026
+76
It's air conditioned. And there are snacks.
76
BloodNinja2012May 1, 2026
+20
Punch and Pie!
20
TheFlyingBoxcarMay 1, 2026
+9
What? Why do we gotta have punch and pie?
9
SleepingToDreamingMay 1, 2026
+90
"These are peaceful spaces designed to welcome parishioners, visitors and members of the public."
They mean "buildings used to lure suckers into a space cult to milk them for money and turn them against others who aren't part of said cult," right?
90
SubBirbianMay 1, 2026
+15
Their PR spin is like putting lipstick on a pig because obvious shitty cult is obvious.
15
Ambitious_Egg9713May 1, 2026
+304
Tbh if you are a church, there’s no need to be so secretive. My church is open to the public any day.
304
AMonitorDarklyMay 1, 2026
+186
It’s almost as if it’s a cult.
186
Discount_ExtraMay 1, 2026
+55
I consider it the defining difference between a 'real' religion and a cult.
You can get free Bibles, Korans, Torahs, Confucion, Buddhist, Taoist, etc.
But a cult requires you to 'invest' money, time, cutting relationships with others etc. to get the 'Secrets' and then traps people with the 'sunk costs', where their victims would have to admit they were fooled to quit.
And it's really hard to for a lot of people to admit they got scammed.
55
starm4nnMay 1, 2026
+8
Taoism doesn't have a standardized canon.
8
stoneman9284May 1, 2026
+42
It’s not even a cult it’s just tax evasion
42
NtroepyMay 1, 2026
+44
Like 20+ years ago, I worked with a guy who was the son of a general and they used to play a game of how long they could sneak into the Pentagon before they’d get kicked out.
This was pre-9/11, so security was much laxer and focused on protecting specific assets rather than the whole building. He snuck in for a few hours several times and was quite surprised how successful he was.
It was a different world back then.
44
Zano10May 1, 2026
+11
I still think 20+ years ago was 2000 as well friend. But unfortunately it's closer to 30+ than 20+ these days.
11
ChicagoAuPairMay 1, 2026
+94
Have they tried not kidnapping, blackmailing, and ruining people’s lives? Maybe people would ignore them more if they weren’t a criminal organization that steals our tax money and abuses children.
94
k_realtorMay 1, 2026
+40
Danny Masterson still tries to deny everything. The cult doing cult things.
Fun (Sad) Fact:
*Each of the four plaintiffs had been a member of the Church of Scientology at the time, as was Danny Masterson. Scientology forbids its members to report fellow members to police for any reason. After each plaintiff reported the sexual assaults to the police, she was declared a "suppressive person" and ejected from the Church.*
40
OldenPolyniceMay 1, 2026
+17
But they've done really well doing all those things
17
Winter_Bear_1707May 1, 2026
+19
It’s always blown my mind how Scientology has lasted for decades, and not a single POTUS in our history has ever denounced them. Scientology and the Aftermath won 2 Emmy awards and still nothing?
19
SubBirbianMay 1, 2026
+24
They have lobbyists in D.C. Our representatives listen to lobbyists, not us peasants.
24
llvlleeksMay 1, 2026
+105
Finally... a f****** trend that makes sense... I support.
105
SolistariaMay 1, 2026
+41
If that "church" is unhappy...good.
41
Little-DerpMay 1, 2026
+13
I wonder how unhappy they would be if it wasn't a small group of friends, but an actual flash mob of like 50 to 200 people.
13
Buckaroobanzai028May 1, 2026
+14
I love that people have been going after them for years and all it took was a bunch of kids to humiliate them.
14
sabrenation81May 1, 2026
+13
I, for one, am happy to see younger generations treating Scientology like the joke that it is.
Stop treating these weirdos like serious people. It's not a religion, it's a Ponzi scheme and their "holy book" was written by a science fiction author. The entire "church" is built on a financial crime and that isn't even close to the worst crime committed in its name.
13
nosungdeeptongsMay 1, 2026
+25
Aw I thought speed running Scientology would be trying to move through the ranks as quickly as possible and sharing your time, not just Leroy Jenkins-ing through the door.
25
rougepirateMay 1, 2026
+9
Corporate scam masquerading as a church is sobbing that they can't capitalize or monetize this. They can't convince ANY of these kids to launder money or buy into their pyramid scheme!
9
Gemtree710May 1, 2026
+8
Where do I put my feet?
8
GrinchWhoStoleEasterMay 1, 2026
+8
Awww are the poor gangstalkers mad? Where's Shelly?
8
acrazyguyMay 1, 2026
+8
The one cringe harassment streamer trend I can get behind
8
_-_NewbieWino_-_May 1, 2026
+8
This is the only Gen Z thing, I love and can’t wait for more.
8
recoveringleftMay 1, 2026
+35
I wonder what does Tom Cruise and John Travolta thinks of these kids looking for them (they are the final bosses)
35
Minerva_MoonMay 1, 2026
+30
Too busy being trapped in a closet to notice.
30
funkiestjMay 1, 2026
+27
I thought the article would be about people getting to *Operating Thetan Level 9* (or what ever) in record time. Oh well.
27
KitakitakitaMay 1, 2026
+14
but as a non-tax paying church, their doors should be open to everyone right?
14
Mr_IsLandMay 1, 2026
+9
this burnt out old millenial is proud of those youngsters - keep it up but stay safe!
9
Correct_Ad_7751May 1, 2026
+8
The founder L Ron Hubbard was the original Epstein. He was investigated by the FBI multiple times for having underage boys on his boat
8
What_Chu_Talkin_KidMay 1, 2026
+11
It's NOT a Church, it's a cult
11
ThrowAbout01May 1, 2026
+6
Church = Community involvement and welcoming
Cult compound = Anti-community and not welcoming
6
BottAndPaidMay 1, 2026
+6
Not a church it's a cult
6
Burnt_and_BlisteredMay 1, 2026
+7
The cult leaders are \*unhappy?\* Kudos, speed runners!
7
Book_of_EssenceMay 3, 2026
+5
I'm genuinely annoyed that this article keeps describing the location as a church instead of literally anything else
It's a racketeering front. I'm not an incredibly religious dude, but calling it a "religion" just feels offensive to actual organized religions.
5
spaghettittehgapsMay 1, 2026
+16
I would feel bad if this was happening to almost any other organization.
16
Chamberlain-HallerMay 1, 2026
+10
It's not a church. It's a cult.
10
HydraKirbyMay 1, 2026
+22
Boohoo poor Scientology so sad very sad
22
superAK907May 1, 2026
+10
Anything that makes the church of Scientology unhappy makes me \*very\* happy. finally a stupid tiktok trend that I can get behind. Keep it up, kids!
10
TaminationMay 1, 2026
+4
It's one of the best things I've seen young people doing and I'm here for it.
4
j4y53nMay 1, 2026
+4
They shouldn’t be tax exempt.
4
PrincessRuriMay 1, 2026
+5
This whole "trend" is hilarious, but let's not pretend that it's damaging Scientology.
All this does is further validate the faithful's belief that they are oppressed and the world is out to get them.
5
Kevbot1000May 1, 2026
+5
Giving 2008 4Chan Scientology protest energy, and my Millenial ass is 100% here for it.
5
HoogsMay 1, 2026
+5
This is like the sequel to Storm Area 51, but actually good.
5
captainalphabetMay 1, 2026
+5
From the headline I thought people were speed running the Scientology grades, paying through the nose to ditch all their thetans at once.
The reality of this is much dumber and funnier.
5
za72May 1, 2026
+6
ask Xenu to blast 'em
6
AvidAth3istMay 3, 2026
+4
The space Mormons are getting upset everybody!
4
popcultureretrofitMay 1, 2026
+5
Alright, this generation will be just fine.
5
DrWhoDatBtchzMay 1, 2026
+4
Next they speedrun a Catholic Church. *frantic giggles* "Hahaha we're all the way through the pews and imto the confession booth!"
Rick and Morty gif of that lady in the Jerrycare front desk, "That was always allowed".
4
vector_oMay 1, 2026
+5
I really don't f****** care what real life Evil.Inc has to say about a generation mocking them
5
Grace_OmegaMay 1, 2026
+4
The one time obnoxious social media behaviour is acceptable
4
thebuttsmellsMay 1, 2026
+3
What are they gonna do, murder my dog?
3
Gremlin303May 1, 2026
+4
This is the first of these disruptive online trends I can get behind
4
xdeltax97May 1, 2026
+3
Surprised there’s no speedrunners in Clearwater, they own over half of downtown there, including that stupid flag building fort.
3
Correct_Ad_7751May 1, 2026
+3
It’s not a church it’s a cult and a Ponzi scheme.
3
Pacman35503May 1, 2026
+4
The speed runners should start the own religion and cash in on some of those perks
4
MikePGSMay 1, 2026
+4
Did they find Shelly Miscavige?
4
_bessica_May 1, 2026
+5
You know... they could clear out anything too weird and just offer tours for money. Make a buck and get people bored of it.
5
Turbulent_Deal_3145May 1, 2026
+5
You scammed people out of plenty of money. Invest in better security.
5
oingapogoMay 1, 2026
+5
Honestly, I find this hilarious. If they just f****** ignored it or even joined in, the kids would get tired of it quickly.
5
restlessmonkeyMay 1, 2026
+3
Makes sense….
“Last week, Remini weighed in on the social media trend, calling it “unhelpful”.
“If someone is brainwashed for years into believing the outside world is filled with dangerous lunatics who wish to impede Scientology, a group of people running through a Scientology building is only going to confirm that belief and lead them to dedicate themselves even more to the cause they believe in,” Remini wrote on X.
“Please focus on exposing the dangers of Scientology, not making a spectacle out of it.””
3
TheJoyDealerMay 1, 2026
+5
People have been mapping the interior too with each speed run attempt
199 Comments