To what extent does sex influence your perception of love? Do you think physical intimacy can create the illusion of emotional connection, or does it genuinely strengthen it?

Regular access to really good sex really can feel like love if you haven't really loved someone before.

It's a person to person thing. Some people need intimacy to feel loved, some people need to feel loved to be intimate. Some people don't care about it one bit, some people are completely obsessed 

I think it can do all that. I remember I was in this super toxic relationship and just because we were having sex often it lead me to believe we loved each other but in actuality we were just horny and scared of what life would be like without each other. Personally I can have sex with someone without loving them but I can't love someone without having sex with them

We're all animals. Good sex releases oxytocin, which helps with bonding and emotional closeness. I love people I don't have sex with. I love my wife even when we aren't having sex. But I'd be lying if I said it was the same feeling of peace and closeness as when we are sexually active. I think in the bounds of a solid relationship it genuinely strengthens it. I also think, especially if you're young and don't have a full concept of what love can feel like, it would be very easy to mistake the happy hormones with love itself.

It can surely strenghten it when both have the same level of libido, yet when one of the partners have significantly higher drive it could make an illusion of love or just something that bothers the other person

I think that sex strengthens bonds if done by people who truly love each other. You want to trust that as you grow less attractive the bonds will still be there.

For me it doesn't because I don't have sex unless I'm in love with someone, or at least feel like I love someone Physical intimacy definitely can create the illusion of emotional connection All the different chemicals that gets released from your body when you're having amazing sex If the emotions are already there it can definitely strengthens your emotional connection Some people can even truly build emotional connections from someone they're just f******

M32 here. For me, I make a distinction between “getting off”, “having sex”, and “making love”. Getting off is something I can do myself, or someone can do for me or with me, primarily to address my physiological need. A quickie, if you will. Making love involves intense intimacy, there’s as much talking as there is moving and touching, and is needed regularly (min once a month) for me to feel in love with a partner. Having sex, to me, is between the two. It’s more playful than intimate, and could involve giving or receiving pleasure in various ways. There’s some intimacy of course but less “whispering sweet nothings” and more routine play and pleasure. I like this once a week or more in a relationship. Sexuality is extremely individual, no two people experience it exactly the same way and no pair experiences sex in exactly the same way. Everyone’s body is different whether it be height, weight, chest dimensions, p**** dimensions, v***** dimensions, etc etc etc. Most people start figuring out how their sexuality works in their 20s. I missed my opportunity to explore it during that time due to several life circumstances which are not relevant to this post so I will not explain here. I’m only just figuring this stuff out over the past year or so. Best advice I can give to anyone is get some condoms and start looking for a trustworthy partner to explore with, and do it while in college when you’re still surrounded by people your own age living close together with lots of free time and hormones.

It can do both, all of the above. Ive had a lot of relationships and been married twice. Some relationships, like my current marriage, were absolutely strengthened with sex. We bond over our intimacy with each other. We'd still be best friends without it. Others, sex was probably the only thing holding it together.

Sex ≠ love. Love ≠ sex. The sooner people realize that, the happier they'll be.

Someone’s physique can be why you’re attracted to them but it should never be a reason you love them. I hate when guys say “I love her, she’s beautiful, etc…” So if she got in an accident that messed up her face/body, you’re gonna love her less?

I’ve never had sex while in love, but I imagine it would strengthen the bond. I used to keep it casual and fun non stop until I fell for someone. I think my emotional needs weren’t satisfied to the point where it affected my physical ones.

Oxytocin is the love hormone. It’s released during physical intimacy (not only during sex). Is the release of a hormone an “illusion”? It does make you feel a certain way. It comes down to what you define as “love”.

Everyone is different. For me, sex and love are two different things. I don't have to feel intimacy to have sex. However, I prefer sex with the one I love. Some people attach emotion to sex, so they genuinely feel an emotional connection. What's interesting is the person they had sex with doesn't necessarily feel the same! It's all about personal perception. Everyone has different perceptions about everything in life.

For me, sex doesn’t create emotional connection, it reflects it. Physical intimacy can absolutely make people feel close, which is why it can sometimes create the illusion of love when the emotional foundation isn’t really there. But when that deeper bond already exists, sex becomes more like a language for it. It’s a way of expressing desire, trust, and closeness without needing words. That’s why its presence can feel meaningful, and its absence can feel noticeable. Not because love disappears, but because one of the ways that connection is expressed isn’t there in the same way. So I don’t see sex as something that manufactures love. I see it as something that mirrors and strengthens it when the emotional connection is already real.

It would be difficult for me to be in a "love" relationship without physical intimacy. It's very important to me. It genuinely strengthens the connection. It's the ultimate sharing, openness, vulnerability experience.

I get hate for this but I never equated sex with love and I don’t understand people that do. 

Physical intimacy is directly related to emotional connection in my opinion and experiences

I think it can do both, which is why it’s so confusing. Sex definitely *can* strengthen a real emotional connection. When you already trust someone and feel understood by them, physical intimacy just makes that bond feel deeper and more secure. But it can also 100% create the *illusion* of love. I think a lot of people (myself included at times) have confused emotional closeness with physical closeness. You can feel super connected to someone in the moment because of the vulnerability and chemistry, but then outside of that, there’s not actually much substance holding it together. For me, the biggest difference is how things feel when sex isn’t involved. If you still feel valued, understood, and genuinely close to the person, it’s probably real. If the connection kind of fades without that physical element, it was probably more of an illusion than actual love.

Can go either way in a bad relationship the first in a good one the second

Both

Yes, but it depends on the certain situation, rare thing

Honestly, both.

No one who has loved me has had to have sex with me to develop deep attachment to me. It’s very optional and not required at all. For some, it seems to deepen connection, but I wouldn’t say significantly so compared to other acts of intimacy and cultivated closeness. You do not need it to form deep bonds. Sex and e***** desire can be a manifestation and expression of love, but it is not a precursor to it.

I can love people I don’t have sex with I can have sex with people I don’t love But loving the person you’re having sex with is a level of intimacy unlike any other. I love my wife because she is an amazing human being and is wonderful to be around, the best physical attraction is just a bonus.

Your perception of how sex should be shapes your expectations. What you accept as good sex from either that you're giving or what you're receiving is how much you would receive. The thing that makes it best is to give what you want and vice versa.

Barely any For me, sex is a low form of intimacy. I think this is because I have never had a strong association with vulnerability and sex. I am very comfortable with my body and sexuality, and sharing those parts of myself elicit simple feelings of fun, youth, adventure, confidence, and desire. I can enjoy sex with people I don’t like at all I feel the most vulnerable when I share details about my inner world—especially whatever I am stressed about. In those moments is where I feel the most intimately connected with someone. I think this is bc I have a poor relationship with anxiety and being seen as weak. If I feel that someone truly sees me in those moments of vulnerability I will be falling in love for sure lol! I would rather die than share my stressors with someone I don’t like While this is my relationship with sex and love, I do not think it is universal or “the way things should be” or anything like that. I think physical intimacy can create the illusion of emotional connection and strengthen it. As for which one happens when I think it depends on each individuals relationship with sex and what it means to them.

There is no (romantic) love without sex. But there can be sex without love.

It definitely strengthens it, it’s really I think, the difference from being friends with someone and lovers with someone. I know there are people who have fwb relationships and I'm not judging people, I firmly believe that anything done with consensual adults is fair game, but at least in my opinion and in my relationship with my girl, we got a lot closer after being intimate with each other than we were before that happened. She's my one and only though, so maybe that has something to do with it.

I believe sex influences every aspect of a relationship. I'm someone who can't have sex until I have an emotional connection with that person (which can take more or less time depending on the situation). But then, sex is fundamental, even for maintaining the relationship.

If I'm not wrong, sex releases a lot of hormones, dopamine, serotonin. These all help you in deepening the intimacy and pair bonding with your partner.

I need physical intimacy to feel romantic love. If we haven't been sexual recently, I only feel platonic or familial love. So, it's a required component of any relationship with me that my partner wants to be more than just friends. There's no illusion, it's an obvious cause and effect in my lived experience.

It does both. There’s chemicals that get triggered that make you bond more with a person. Unprotected sex triggers more oxytocin than protected (not advocating for more unprotected sex). It’s a way of pushing a bond.

Men need sex to feel emotionally connected Women don’t. We need affection.

I’m too scared to get into a relationship because of the fear of not being able to please my gf

Yes it genuinely strengthens

Yes, going from talking to someone then straight to sex skips a lot of steps from building true intimacy. I'm sure some can compartmentalize sex and feelings and not have them overlap.

Definitely touching loved ones and normal people, can feel a huge difference

All the above, in different contexts.

It can do both

when I was younger I used to think people having sex with me meant they liked me in some way, naively - like more than just as a body to f***. As I've gotten older i'm not sure that many people, especially men, are capable of liking me as anything more than a body to f***. Not many men see women as human beings. Even other women I've been with have seen me as more of a commodity than a person. I don't think physical intimacy can create emotional connection or even the illusion of it. Holding space for the Other is a rarity in this world. Most people are too absorbed in themselves to realise that the people they're interacting with are autonomous, sentient and existing in a self that is independent of their own. Other people are entirely different and magnificent universes from ourselves who deserve our curiosity, humility, and empathy.

IMO every relationship is just that a relationship. Love yourself and let your love be a level line across the universe loving every human the exact SAME. When the right one enters your life you will spend more time with her, enjoy her more have more sex with her cope with each other's issues more. But the love remains constant period. When a person FALLS in a LOVE there are 3 jacked up hormones that remove logical thinking. After the hormons relax you are left with who the f*** is this person. So keep your mind thinking openly and correctly don't let elevated hormones cause a big mistake in your life.

It’s definitely a person to person case. I’ve had plenty of fun with one night stands that never turned into anything and that was the point. Sometimes one of us catches feelings and that makes it more difficult but it’s unfortunately part of hooking up. However, once you’re with someone and committed to that person, sex is without a doubt on a different level (at least in my experience). The intimacy, learning what works and what doesn’t, and the trust it builds can help take things even further than you both ever thought possible. It’s become less of a drive for relationships as I’ve gotten older, regardless of the fact my libido seems to only be getting stronger lmao. But whenever I get out of a long term relationship I hit a massive hoe phase, fling the brogurt slinger and don’t try to have any real emotions tied to the person other than “that was fun! Wanna watch Letterkenny?”

Physical intimacy can't create a connection that isn't there. It's an enhancer of affection, not a generator of it.

It's very rare I fall for someone. It's less rare I am attracted to someone. When choosing someone I look for what material benefits I and they bring to the table.  This isn't directly related to the question but physical attraction is first. I hadn't had a situation where sexual intimacy changed how I felt for the other person. It doesn't increase or decrease attraction. What does change how I feel is when the other person becomes part of my every day life and routine. In other words the companionship aspect of it.  Also one has kids with someone and the relationship is over you are still stuck with the fact that your ex-partner is the parent of your kid also so there is a relationship there even though I set a boundary to keep it purely Platonic.  I am curious how a relationship with someone I did fall for would turn out. For some reason these don't convert as easily to an actual relationship. There is a difference between falling for someone and infatuation for me as infatuation is usually more about trying to prove I can win the relationship whereas when I actually fall for someone it is more like If I could spend just a few extra minutes in proximity to that person I would feel so much more euphoric. I only fell for someone once in my adult life wnen I was 30 so the chances of that happenning again are fairly slim. I guess what is motivating me to seek a relationship is just envisioning myself in 40s alone with a career vs with a wife and three kids. I an 35 right now so feel like I have a limited time.  I think once I cross over the 40ish threshold then I will retire from dating.  Right now I am kind of looking for women in their 20s because of my family size goals. I am actually just enjoying talking with women without dating;  I am trying to see which relationship aticks as the last thing I want is someone who settles for me and is not that attracted. I don't try to lie to myself I don't pretend I am super-attractive because if I was  I wouldn't have to put any effort in dating.  I do have some things going for me like a full head of hair, being 6 foot, having my own house/car,  being educated, and having a career(although currently in between jobs until IT hiring heats up again).  I only have had a few total partners however which is okay one of them much older than me in 20s and the second a few years older than me in late 20s/30s.   I haven't peaked quite yet in terms of career as I am still going for a second bachelors in my field  and wish to get some mid-toer career IT certifications;however, struggling with time with needing to now put time in things that not only increase my net-worth but help secure a relationship such as going out frequently especislly places where there is high foot traffic and gym to help process the isolation.  Even with all this a relationship is guaranteed. I can do things to boost my chances of winning the l******. The biggest problem like tge l****** is just not enough exposure  I just don't interact with enough women to actually have a decent chance at any give time however with consistency over time I probably get some opportunities. 

Sex isn’t everything but I can’t go without it.

I knew a lady once who had decided for herself that “it’s only true love if he will give up sex for me”.

physical intimacy might give the illusion of emotional connection , while it’s purely physical it could still trick your brain

I'm celibate so I can't really speak of personal experience, but the way I see it, is that there's a difference between making love and having sex. It can very much strengthen a bond between partners, or help blow off steam for those who just need it but, I find it to be a valuable thing and in my humble opinion, you *can* have sex without being in love but intercourse between lovers is a very special thing that really can't be replicated It's not really a tool but more a phenomenon that yields different results despite the process being the same. Like how the same boiling water makes pasta soft but hardens the egg.

If you're having regular sex, about 10%. If you're not having sex, then about 90%. I've heard that before and it's true.

Both

Both personally

Both. Depends on the people and it's hugely variable by person.  The physical intimacy can be indecernable from love to some. There's a reason it has been called "making love" for so long.  The honeymoon phase can have this as an ingredient.  Remove the physical side and there can be little left of the relationship.  On the other hand, more mature and balanced people can have the sex as a positive adjunct to the core relationship.   This is a much more stable and fulfilling form of relationship. 

Both are true, but somewhat different between sexes, and also different in volume of previous partners. In the female brain oxytocin is majorly flooded during sex moreso than for male brains, and even moreso if there's already a connection. In males, if there's no romantic/emotional connection built up prior to sex then our hormonal activities happen more in the area of our brain that is like our attraction dictionary (I believe if I remember correctly), and the bonding hormones aren't actually applied to the sexual partner.  The idea of romance and connection here are also perception based, and what I mean by that is that say even if a male doesn't know you well, but he's logged you as a character in his romantic ideologies, then the sex will create/increase an emotional connection, and a female can also have a perception that leads to a similarly opposite deviation. The number of partners is more likely to desensitize the romantic ideologies of either sex leading to a lower affect of sex on emotional connection.

It's literally how humans are built. Marriages literally literally fail because One partner would deny another sexually and then the person who is starved for sex moves on to a different person. Sex is one of the natural fundamental aspects of physical love all life forms can have with the opposite sex. Now I'm not saying if the sex is declined over the years divorce your spouse & I'm not saying sex is the end all and be all. Obviously you'll have to gel well with the person's personality and outlook on life, but bottom line once a man and a woman gets bored talking girl most likely going to f***

I need it to feel loved, intimate, and close to my husband.

Depends. Some people like me aren't interested in sex unless I actually know and like/love the person im with. That's why I've never had a fling/one night stand whatever people what to call it now days. I've always been in long terms and the people I have need with we never had sex immediately anyways. Maybe its just cause what im used to but sex without the love isnt a thing I want or am interested in

Speaking as a man, I can say that sex *can* make me feel more intimate with a person, but not *necessarily*. It depends on my relationship with them, and my assessment of their character, before the act. If I already liked them, sex probably makes me like them more. On the other hand, some women have contemptible personalities (mean-spirited, cruel, dumb), and sex wouldn’t change my opinion of them.

Too little sex will always cause a rift. It is one of the longest running signs of a relationship on the edge. Its the first sign of a relationship that is failing and an easily recognizable sign of a successful relationship. You cant have such a reliable sign without it being heavily linked to emotional connection. Withholding sex is literally withholding emotional security. Especially in western and American society, sex is viewed as special. It is something done selectively. As a man, when a significant other shows desire for sex it reinforces our minds that the connection is in a good place. As soon as we are arguing or faltering, it will be the first thing withheld. Not excitedly entering into the act causes a lot of us to assume something is wrong.

Tbh sex is the last thing im thinking about in any relationship. My partner and I are each other's player two. Hes my best friend and hes the only person I can see living my life with. I think its really really important to find out before you do anything that might create intense feelings of connection whether or not youre compatible with someone or not . You might just wind up with a little surprise too and hoo boy you do not want to have a kid with someone you dont absolutely want to know the rest of your life No fricking birth control is effective enough for me to take that risk especially as a woman. Idc how 99% effective it is thats when youre taking it properly and I sure am NOT i cant remember my bc well enough I am not risking it.

Idk much about it cause i lack exp but what i see is once somone get's physical their bond get's so much stronger than just emotional connection

This is a quite interesting discussion - thanks OP. So I have a friend whom lost his erectile function (temporary) and therefore could not perform, nor had the lust. Now - that actually cleared up a few things that he were struggeling with in his marriage he told me. So to make a long story short; he decided to leave his wife, as he figured out that without the sex he realized that the sex had replaced some of his initial love to his wife, and without this he simply understood that there were nothing left. So the sex in his case blurred up his view of the relationship as this was the thing keeping it together. Now years later he is in another relationship, and I guess the dysfunction is gone… so well, not sure if it answers anything..

I can get it up even without loving the woman, but I enjoy it more when I'm in love with her, and I prefer it as well. A simple liking will not really change much... but yeah. I like it better when I'm in love with the person. Ah f*** it. I miss my ex now. Shit 😂🤦🏽‍♂️

Im freysexual and in a happy ace poly relationship for almost two years (my girlfriend is poly but ace, i cant love more than one person, so i only occasionally have sexual contacts). I actually found out about me being freysexual and how I feel with sex in a romantic relationship during the beginning of this relationship with my current girlfriend. I myself have sexual needs and desires, but as a freysexual, they become less and less the longer a romantic relationship goes on until it almost completely dies out. Being in an ace relationship that works and fulfills me and only strengthens the love between us shows that, at least for some people, intimacy truly is something separate from a romantic relationship. The poly part is a whole other thing, but im sure that what I experience can and does happen with monogamy relationships. My example also shows that for some people, physical intimacy can actively damage and prevent a healthy and strong romantic relationship, but im sure this is a rare case. I had relationships before, in which I either ignored or denied that I am freysexual, and from that experience I can say for myself at least, that no matter how healthy and lovingly the intimacy is, it could never create a real and lasting illusion of a working romantic relationship, and especially not strengthen the romantic feelings.