Top FEMA Official Doubles Down on Claim He Teleported to Waffle House

Somewhere in 2016 I was suddenly teleported to an alternate dimension where the stupidest f****** people on the planet were in charge of everything. So I understand how disorienting teleportation can be. But unlike Gregg’s various Waffle House jaunts, I’ve never been able to leave.

It’s pretty easy after downing 2 bottles of 80-proof teleportation juice.

He got blackout drunk or overdosed and walked into a Waffle House. He’s trying to make it sound like he had some profound experience. 

Is it just me or is everyone in Conservative politics the weirdest person possible and simultaneously somehow loaded.

Can confirm this has happened to me many times in college. One minutes im at the bar on Thirsty Thursday pounding Jager Bombs. Next minute I am teleported to a waffle house.

Gregg Phillips says he knows what he experienced, and it’s proof of the power of God.

so, he's a drug addict or an alcoholic.

Thank god we got rid of DEI so that people like this could get top jobs.

I hope he had a towel.

Most sane Republican

The Waffle House is practically the only place that is h******* survival enough to not need a FEMA official at in an emergency. His teleport superpower does no good.

There is a really simple explanation for this. The reason he thinks this happened is because he's stupid.

This is an April Fool's Day prank article, right? ...RIGHT?? "A Trump administration official continues to insist that he once teleported to a Waffle House, despite being mocked. As CNN [reported](https://www.cnn.com/2026/03/20/politics/fema-official-gregg-phillips-violent-rhetoric-teleported-kfile) in late March, Phillips has spoken on multiple podcasts about his teleportation activities, which include having gone to a church and to the breakfast restaurant chain. On one of the podcasts, Phillips, who serves as associate administrator for the Office of Response and Recovery at the Federal Emergency Management Association, said, “Teleporting is no fun. It was real.”'

Okay, you want to tell me that God teleported you, that’s one thing. But you want to tell me God teleported you to Waffle House? So that you could get some food? From Waffle House? No wonder God doesn’t answer prayers. Between teleporting people to chain restaurants and telling Alex Jones what time it is, His schedule’s just full up.

Waking up when shitfaced does not equate to teleportation.

Every day we hit a new low.

I did that once in college, I was at a party doing mushrooms. I had just sat down thinking I was hungry and when I looked around I was at Waffle House. Really Cool

I saw a funny comment today that said — the difference between humans and animals is that animals won’t let the dumbest of the pack lead the pack.

Drugs or mental illness. One of these is what really is going on. Both disqualify him from the job. Yet, since POTUS can be a criminal, rapist and traitor.... Why not keep him too. Ugh. MAGA idiots - Are we winning yet?

The 3 times I have been to a Waffle House I teleported as well... Got blackout drunk and came to there. Obviously I was teleported.

Don't know why this is so controversial.  I've also regained consciousness at a Waffle House with no idea how I got there.

Getting blackout drink and ending up at waffle House while very common isn't a religious teleportation

Big deal, I’ve blacked out and gotten breakfast too

Really? God showed his almighty power to teleport Gregg to a Waffle House? A f****** Waffle House?

Why are they so weird?

Not a five star restaurant or private island. Freaking Waffle House. Why? It’s like Lindsey Graham in Disneyworld. These people are so unbelievably weird.

“It is prove of the power of god…” Some random dude during a acid trip.

I have a whole group of friends that were teleported to waffle house once. One minute they were at the bar drinking car bombs, the next they realize they are at Waffle House and none of them remember how they got there! 😂

We have all teleported to waffle house after a long night of drinking and mushrooms. You ain't special, bro.

To be fair, does anyone really remember walking into a Waffle House?

This is the kind of guy who won't release aid to storm-ravaged areas because "It's clear they didn't pray hard enough".

America is a joke

Elect a clown expect a circus.

I teleported a lot in college...Of course that involved copious amounts of alchol

I’m not really a drinker. I’ve only ever been drunk a few times in my life. The thing that stood out to me the most the first time I ever got drunk was how time seemed to skip. I remember sitting at the table with my friends and thinking I needed to use the bathroom. The next thing I knew I was in line for the bathroom, wondering how I got there. While in line I was thinking about how hungry I was, and then suddenly I was in line for the food truck outside the bar, wondering if I had even used the bathroom or just left the line. So I believe that this guy thinks he teleported, but it’s likely from substance use. Or possibly a brain injury. Either way he shouldn’t be in charge of anything.

Holy f****** shit balls…ya cant can’t make this up.

Ridiculous. Everybody knows God prefers IHOP.

What bottle did God come in?

Blackout drunk ain't teleportin', friend.

I did this at 2am after hitting the bars last week.

He’s been hitting the “teleportation” uhh “juice” pretty hard eh? (He got drunk and blacked out and woke up at a Waffle House)

Man With 0°K IQ Confuses Being Blackout Drunk with Teleportation

Dude doesn’t know the first rule of the Waffle House Teleport Club

It's a lie. He says he was in Georgia at church and ended up in a Waffle House 50 miles away. There's no place in Georgia that's not more than 10 miles from a Waffle House. Why did he need to be transported to one 50 miles away when there were probably 4 or 5 closer locations? Is he saying God doesn't have GPS?

Blackout drunk = teleportation

I've had a few nights like that after getting trashed at a bar. It certainly felt like I teleported to that Denny's.

Maybe someone needs to bring this guy to a neurologist.

Why couldn’t Waffle House just beam the order to him?

We've all blacked out and ended up at Waffle House at some point in our lives. It's called college. He's not special.

I too, have been teleported. Straight from the Dead show to a Waffle House. Always kind of thought it was the acid but I realize now I have special powers and plan on using them to get to the taqueria later.

A few jungle juice shots at my last college party also teleported me to Waffle House. I HAVE THE POWER!!!

This happened to me. Twice

Never trust a three G

A third world country with a Gucci belt

So but seriously. When is he removed from his job and sent to a looney bin?

In any other country this would be an April Fools prank article. In today’s America, it’s real.

Who needs Waffle House? The food replicator I developed can have the All-Star Special ready in three seconds!

The miracles include water being replaced by alcohol, and teleportation to a fast food chain.  Ok

Can you teleport yourselves back to the abyss you spawned from

You know you’re in trouble when Harry DuBois style antics are just another Wednesday.

Maybe he has an alien power infesting him? He should head for the Creation Lightship Healing website to be "cleared." https://www.creationlightship.com/

He held aloft his magic sword and said "By the power of FEMA! I HAVE THE WAFFLES!"

Let me interpret: guy gets high as f***. Then meanders to a Waffle House for some munchies. Comes down a bit, then realizes he is at a Waffle House and doesn't remember how he got there.

That it. I’m out.

Back in my party days I called blackouts time travel. Guess he calls it teleportation.

Only the best people.

C-137 Rick, I'm in the wrong reality. Please get me back to boring political leaders

WoW  USA is full of extreme religious right lunatics.

You know, in the old days, these fools would have just drank wood alcohol until they went blind instead of getting into politics.

No decent sane and rational people will work for Trump.

I also call me "appearing" places after a black out as "teleporting" but I dont think I genuinely teleported to a f****** waffle house while black out drunk. We really need to do a better job of not just educating people in general but educating them about the brain and how things like sleep paralysis, schizophrenia, and memory loss is actually perceived. So much paranormal nonsense is completely chalked up to these three things

Dave Atell had a great skit on Blackout Drunk Time Travel. 2:40 into his Skanks for the Memories special. https://youtu.be/dCe9N93kHMk

I cannot tell if this is April fool's!!!

Colin Raye had a hit country song in the 90’s called “That’s My Story(And I’m Sticking To It)”. This guy’s “teleports” remind me of that song. 🤣

I remember the last time I teleported. I went to my friends house, then suddenly the next morning I was in my own bed in my own apartment. The massive headache, repeated vomiting, and the fact that my mouth tasted like a dragon shit in it were just teleportation side-effects.

Yea verily, I say unto you, believe in me and I shall deliver you to the promised land.

Translation, "black out drunk"

I did a lot of late night teleportation until I joined AA

Reminds me of when Cori Bush claimed she cured someone of cancer by touching them. https://komonews.com/news/nation-world/squad-member-claimed-womans-tumors-disappeared-when-she-touched-them-rep-cori-bush-d-mo-democrat-missouri-congress-politics-pbs-firing-line-rep-marjorie-taylor-greene-r-ga

I’m hoping that all the face palms this administration makes me do leads to CTE so I can forget this stuff

What color were the waffles at this waffle House?

I’m sorry… what???

There's no CCTV from the waffle house of him staggering in?

Stay off the drugs kids

M*********** thinks getting blackout drunk is a supernatural experience

Waffle House employee: "Would you like fries with that, Mr. Phillips?" Phillips: "Fries? **FRIES?** You'd have to be nuts to eat fries with a waffle. Do I look nuts to you?"

Can we please have competent leadership in this f****** country jfc

Hey, I did that once. In college. Oh wait... I was just blackout drunk on tequila.

I remember teleporting all over the place as a young man. I'd be at home with a bottle of whiskey, blink, and then find myself across town wondering where the corner store is. Cigarettes counteract the negative effects of teleportation, you see. Definitely an act of God, definitely not alcoholism. Yup.

Honestly in my early 20s i was in clubs, blinked, and next thing I knew I was in a waffle house. But my friends told I was drunk and to go back to sleep.

Not gonna lie, I've came too a few tiimes in a Wafflehouse with no idea how I got there. teleportation is as good of answer as any.

Maybe he can physically move a hurricane with a sharpie too.

I wish I had Waffle House teleportation. Though my friends used to pick on me that I had Panera teleportation because I was always eating Panera.

Obviously a smarter dimension left him here.

April Fools's, right? Right??

Not to r/nottheonion too hard, but ya'll, it's not okay that we exist in a world where the headline above is a real headline from a real and respectable publication about a real story.

Go to any Waffle House at 1am and ask anyone how they got there. I think you'll find that teleportation is much more common than you thought.

Same way that hegseth keeps teleporting to the pentagon?

These guys lead the country but I think about saying this out loud and I can hear the pen scrape across the pink slip in the distance.

Damn, where does he get his weed?

I can believe it. You don't go with intent to a Waffle House. You merely arrive there for the fisticuffs. (holy f****** f*** these are not serious people, god damn)

Was pcp the time machine?

The absolute most generious explanation I can come up with is he entered a fuege state due to some neurological disorder and ended up at a Waffle House that’s 50 miles away. All other explanations are either embarrassing for him or complete nonsense.

Greattt, love that disaster aid is controlled by some chucklefuck doubling down that being black out drunk is teleporting... because Jesus. Nothing quite like Savior Trek. Beam me up Jesus! Fuckin morons.

I've definitely teleported to a few Waffle Houses in my 20s. One second I was at a club. The next I was in a Waffle House eating greasy eggs and hash browns. Now that I'm in my 40s it doesn't really happen anymore.