ListNook

HereInTheCut Mar 20, 2026 +2717

Dude, that's just called a blackout.

2717

papaswamp Mar 20, 2026 +484

Let's not get hung up on semantics.... 😬

484

gus_thedog Mar 21, 2026 +287

Stop being anti semantic.

287

za72 Mar 21, 2026 +54

this is accurate

54

motorcycleboy9000 Mar 21, 2026 +19

No, you're a currency

19

thepianoman456 Mar 21, 2026 +13

*You’re a towel*

13

Osiris32 Mar 21, 2026 +4

No, this is Patrick!

4

Fortspucking Mar 21, 2026 +15

So much anti-semantic sediment around these days.

15

TheWolfbytez Mar 21, 2026 +18

This comment brought to you by ALPACA

18

hotpackage Mar 21, 2026 +19

*hung over

19

PunishedWolf4 Mar 21, 2026 +147

"You ever get blackout drunk or as I like to call it "Time Travel"- Dave Attell

147

Stereo-soundS Mar 21, 2026 +25

And then the Dixie Chicks showed up and started blowing everybody.

25

NoResult486 Mar 21, 2026 +13

You shoulda hung out man

13

Septopuss7 Mar 21, 2026 +13

Even the fat kid with the "Deep Space 9" t-shirt got a h******

13

NoResult486 Mar 21, 2026 +9

Fuckn love Dave Attell

9

arecbawrin Mar 21, 2026 +2

Never laughed harder in my life than the first time I listened to that album ("Skanks for the Memories").

2

fading_relevancy Mar 21, 2026 +4

In my youth after partying outside of Philly at like the biggest rave for 2 nights, partying at the hotel between the nights and I don't recall sleeping... already to long of a story shortened. Upon leaving piled into the car at the hotel near Philly passed out before leaving the parking lot, woke up in Western New York. Still thrashed, total time and space travel. 10/10.

4

WaffleHouseGladiator Mar 21, 2026 +51

Can confirm.

51

cakesalads Mar 21, 2026 +19

Do you mind if I say "username checks out"? I've always wanted to say it

19

IvyGold Mar 21, 2026 +3

Beginner's luck...

3

TurnkeyLurker Mar 21, 2026 +3

Ok, go ahead and say it.

3

cakesalads Mar 21, 2026 +3

I'm waiting for Mr. Gladiator's permission

3

foxontherox Mar 21, 2026 +83

In that case, I think we’ve *all* been teleported to Waffle House at one time or another.

83

Loggerdon Mar 21, 2026 +30

In my case a Denny’s. Do they still serve the Grand Slam?

30

karmagirl314 Mar 21, 2026 +8

They just got bought by private equity so grand slam days are *limited*.

8

Loggerdon Mar 21, 2026 +6

Private Equity destroys everything it touches.

6

Dinker54 Mar 21, 2026 +19

Perkins for me.

19

xavier_zz Mar 21, 2026 +3

Not enough alcohol in the world for me to hit up Perkins.

3

BadHillbili Mar 21, 2026 +10

Yes, many people at Waffle House at 3:00 in the morning can claim they were "teleported" there. Can confirm as it has happened to me on more than one occasion.

10

kegster2 Mar 21, 2026 +7

One does not simply visit a Waffle House.

7

JediMindTrek Mar 21, 2026 +3

Too many times to speak of.. haha

3

gillzilla8472 Mar 21, 2026 +36

"Phillips claimed that his car was “lifted up” while he was driving and transported 40 miles (65km) away into a ditch near a church". Stumbles, slurs, and smells like a dui

36

Br0boc0p Mar 21, 2026 +16

Oh shit my car got teleported 2 blocks away into a snowbank in front of my friend's driveway that way once. But then I teleported into a holding cell and quit being a dumb piece of shit afterwards.

16

ThatPlayWasAwful Mar 21, 2026 +30

Well driving to waffle house blacked out is against the law, but teleporting to waffle house is only against the laws of physics.

30

sansaman Mar 21, 2026 +11

Didn’t Heisenberg do that once? Yes, pick any one of them. Still works.

11

masterofshadows Mar 21, 2026 +10

That's uncertain

10

Loggerdon Mar 21, 2026 +8

“I used to teleport to your mom’s house.” - Bryan Cranston

8

ECguy84 Mar 21, 2026 +17

It’s a right of passage frankly

17

drinkduffdry Mar 21, 2026 +17

Nah, that's a brownout. Blackouts go all night, brownouts come and go.

17

gnucklefuster Mar 21, 2026 +9

In my area, a brown out is still partyin but don’t really remember the night too well. Usually seasoned veterans that could drink an amount a normal person would lay down for the night, but they could keep going. We were silly

9

drinkduffdry Mar 21, 2026 +4

Yeah, that's it

4

heapinhelpin1979 Mar 21, 2026 +17

This is what you call it when you drink excessively but also have early onset dementia

17

spleeble Mar 21, 2026 +8

Oh really? Then how did his car get into that ditch with him behind the wheel? Explain that, smart guy.

8

Big_Knife_SK Mar 21, 2026 +4

That's such an incredible claim. Weapons-grade cognitive dissonance.

4

Muvseevum Mar 21, 2026 +7

Been to Waffle House that way more than once.

7

DontOvercookPasta Mar 21, 2026 +3

I have "teleported" to a Denny's if it's statistically relevant.

3

Immediate-Repeat-201 Mar 21, 2026 +3

I teleported to a taco bell once.

3

Sunsetmargaritas Mar 21, 2026 +4

Came here to say exactly that. Have an updoot!

4

MaximumSyrup3099 Mar 20, 2026 +941

On a January 2025 podcast appearance, Phillips claimed that his car was “lifted up” while he was driving and transported 40 miles (65km) away into a ditch near a church. And in another instance on the same episode, Phillips said he was teleported 50 miles away to a Waffle House in Rome, Georgia, CNN detailed in a [deep dive](https://www.cnn.com/2026/03/20/politics/fema-official-gregg-phillips-violent-rhetoric-teleported-kfile) into Phillips’ past public statements.

941

Smooth-Boss-911 Mar 20, 2026 +655

Drugs will do that to you

655

theRealtechnofuzz Mar 21, 2026 +279

or alcohol...

279

fisetylime Mar 21, 2026 +79

or brainworms...

79

krw13 Mar 21, 2026 +44

or ICE...

44

InappropriateTA Mar 21, 2026 +24

aka a drug…

24

piasenigma Mar 21, 2026 +21

thats.. a drug.

21

Due-Technology5758 Mar 21, 2026 +9

Or exhaustion. I once got off work, got in my car, and woke up in my driveway with absolutely no recollection of having driven. It freaked me the f*** out.

9

Donner_Par_Tea_House Mar 21, 2026 +3

Porque no los dos?

3

SlimmySlinky Mar 21, 2026 +3

Alcohol is a drug....

3

myfakesecretaccount Mar 20, 2026 +54

I was gonna say, I’ve seen dudes so cross faded they’d probably think they teleported just leaving a party to go to another.

54

RcoketWalrus Mar 21, 2026 +6

Last time I teleported, I lost track of the dosage of psilocybin I had consumed. By the end of the night, I was appointed the high priest and chief disciple of my friend Terry, who we has christened the God King of the abandoned K Mart parking lot we somehow found ourselves in. Later we prayed that the Holy Light would bless us with enlightenment and Divine Knowledge. Turns out the Divine Light was a half working lamp we found in a dumpster.

6

JustADutchRudder Mar 21, 2026 +10

Drugs would never hang out with that man.

10

Smooth-Boss-911 Mar 21, 2026 +19

These types of people don't care about consent lol

19

JustADutchRudder Mar 21, 2026 +15

Poor drugs.

15

Stuporhumanstrength Mar 21, 2026 +17

That's why it's called drug abuse.

17

Cador0223 Mar 21, 2026 +4

And TBI's!

4

motorcycleboy9000 Mar 21, 2026 +3

Which ones? ... So I can avoid them.

3

Mindless-Mistake-699 Mar 21, 2026 +12

Xanax or any other anti anxiety medication will, especially if combined with alcohol. Don't but street Xanax, it's all fent.

12

junkyard_robot Mar 21, 2026 +288

So, he blacked out and crashed his car in a ditch near a church, came to because of the adrenaline from the trauma, drove to a waffle house while blacked out again with maybe some brain damage, and ate so he could sober up? I've heard AA speaker tapes of pilots who got shitfaced and woke up in hotel rooms in other countries days later that they definitely flew hundreds of passengers to. This is a classic blackout story that is being told as an alien story to help him not feel as bad about being a drunk.

288

McCool303 Mar 21, 2026 +96

Two separate instances. So one time he got black out drunk crashed his car in a ditch and passed out. And said he got teleported to either get away with a DUI with the police or to save embarrassment. And then the next time he got black out drunk and decided he needed Waffle House, passed out in his car when he arrived there. And then once again lied to explain where he was all night. Sounds to me like someone has a drinking problem and a really gullible family of people trying not to be enablers.

96

junkyard_robot Mar 21, 2026 +37

Ah. Definitely a career drinker. Is he a baptist? I bet he's a baptist.

37

Kowabunga_Baby Mar 21, 2026 +8

I mean… would that work? Could I just say I’ve been teleported against my will to avoid a DUI? I can only imagine his lawyers trying to defend this in court

8

OsosHormigueros Mar 21, 2026 +3

I would pay anything to watch a lawyer attempt to defend the "I was spontaneously teleported" defense

3

hmr0987 Mar 21, 2026 +53

Holy shit I just assumed he came out of a blackout episode in a Waffle House. He’s admitting to driving while drunk or high? That’s a hell of a move.

53

jazzhandler Mar 21, 2026 +24

It’s okay; he’s probably Forgiven™.

24

TigerUSA20 Mar 21, 2026 +8

Was he with Pete Hegseth?

8

WanderingKing Mar 21, 2026 +9

Oh my god he genuinely was blackout drunk wasn't he?

9

Opposite-Lobster8888 Mar 20, 2026 +261

he sounds overqualified for this admin

261

junkyard_robot Mar 21, 2026 +20

Only just.

20

cisforcookie2112 Mar 21, 2026 +12

Teleported has too many syllables.

12

UnpluggedUnfettered Mar 21, 2026 +7

"Have you ever driven blackout drunk?" "What!? No! However, have you seen Fire In The Sky?"

7

Supersix15 Mar 21, 2026 +103

It's crazy dude trust me. *You just down this entire bottle of booze and you just wake up there* it happens all the time. *Only downfall is I'm usually covered in puke and sometimes piss* *Why is my car in the bushes*

103

Notwerk Mar 21, 2026 +33

The puke an piss are just side effects of the teleportation process.

33

arul20 Mar 21, 2026 +9

Just go with the adventure bro

9

No-Journalist-619 Mar 21, 2026 +4

"We'll never know who puked on my shirt, and peed in my pants"

4

nigelthewarpig Mar 21, 2026 +3

Care to tell me why you parked the car at such a weird angle... ...On the porch... ...Across the street?

3

197gpmol Mar 20, 2026 +175

Of all the places to have a mysterious force beyond comprehension pluck you out of reality and instantly bend time and space to place you exactly where it wants-- He headed on down to the Waffle House, y'all.

175

invisiblefrequency Mar 21, 2026 +89

The mysterious force beyond comprehension is called alcohol

89

BigBangBrosTheory Mar 21, 2026 +15

I hear that

15

irwinlegends Mar 21, 2026 +24

And also put his car in a ditch. He teleported twice.

24

RevolutionNumber5 Mar 21, 2026 +3

It’s apparently happened often enough that he can tell when it’s about to happen.

3

McCool303 Mar 21, 2026 +4

And for some reason it always involves him behind the wheel of a vehicle. 🤔 It’s amazing the levels of denial alcoholics will go through.

4

Impressive-Shake1710 Mar 21, 2026 +3

Still trying to figure out who the hell pissed my pants when I was 22 after a party

3

KalaUposatha Mar 21, 2026 +14

I've always thought people who believe in magic like this to be really strange. Not because of the magic part, but because of how mundane and boring they believe magic actually is. You're telling me that powers exist to teleport and all the universe does with it is to just f*** with some randos on a Saturday night? That the planets can alter our destiny from across the Solar System, and all it does is just make Janice a little moody on Tuesday? That beings exist that can predict the future, but all they use the power for is to just tell you if you'll get laid next weekend? If I believed in magic, I'd have to be really disappointed in this lame-ass shit. Where's the super-strength? Levitating objects? Flying? Conjuring fireballs? Invisibility? Why don't we get anything that's actually cool and useful? Why is "real" magic so boring and pointless?

14

iKickdaBass Mar 21, 2026 +10

Typical Sagittarius.

10

obedientfag Mar 21, 2026 +5

we are surrounded by all manner of quite impressive magic. but since we understand how a lightswitch works (or at least some of us do lol) so it isn't seen as mystical. Mystics have been left with nonsense since the scientist got into magnets, gunpowder, mirrors/optics, psychoactive drugs. These things still exist in the world people have just become harder to impress.

5

Dapper-Conference367 Mar 21, 2026 +6

It's a mysterious force *beyond comprehension*, of course we can't understand it duh. /s

6

pembquist Mar 21, 2026 +49

Sounds like some kind of beam device, maybe Jim Beam?

49

SirAdrianDangerous Mar 20, 2026 +39

...but the waffle iron was broken! Read about this and more in the Time/Life series: Mysteries of the Unknown!

39

irwinlegends Mar 21, 2026 +11

Time Life's Mysteries of the Unknown would not have included anything this stupid.

11

HomerThompson_ Mar 20, 2026 +101

This has happened to me several times

101

Star_____walker Mar 21, 2026 +24

Hello, Mr. Thompson.

24

faultysynapse Mar 21, 2026 +16

[H E L L O - M R - T H O M P S O N](https://youtu.be/nH8tLx3vIWs?si=-CnMt4F_qG1r4LNZ)

16

balls4xx Mar 21, 2026 +16

I think he’s talking to you.

16

Fiveofthem Mar 21, 2026 +30

Another black out drunk put in charge of a multibillion government department.

30

johnfogogin Mar 20, 2026 +24

I've drank like that before. Not in a very long time though

24

RetroSwamp Mar 21, 2026 +21

I too have been blackout drunk and teleported to a waffle House at 3am

21

oldfogey12345 Mar 21, 2026 +16

A Grey Goose used to teleport me to the Waffle House. I don't doubt him a bit.

16

TehHugMonster Mar 21, 2026 +15

I also teleported to waffle house one time. It was somewhere around hour 10 of my lsd trip when I came back to reality with a plate of hash browns in front of me..

15

irwinlegends Mar 21, 2026 +14

Gregg Phillips is the head of Response and Recovery for FEMA, and he believes that he was teleported against his will twice. Once while in his car into a ditch, and another time to a Waffle House. Donald Trump appointed this man to lead FEMA. He believes that the US is capable of teleportation, and used it to put his car into a ditch while driving it, and to send him to a Waffle House.

14

CaptainLawyerDude Mar 21, 2026 +14

He’s certainly not the only guy to wake up confused at a Waffle House.

14

Suchgallbladder Mar 20, 2026 +29

I get the impression this dude’s wife is a dummy. “Oh yeah honey why was I out until 3 AM? I just teleported. Again.”

29

NoPossibility Mar 21, 2026 +8

Breaking Bad’s fugue state plot was his inspiration.

8

blankvoidoid Mar 21, 2026 +12

He's a teleporter and I'm a psychic. In the near future I see a headline which reads "Town wiped out by tornado, FEMA pledges all resources to have the Waffle House rebuilt by next week"

12

No_Detail2408 Mar 21, 2026 +13

>“Teleporting is no fun,” he said “You know it’s happening, but you can’t do anything about it, and so you just go, you just go with the ride. And wow, what just an incredible adventure it all was.” Is teleporting a euphemism for getting blackout drunk and driving?

13

Historical-Edge-9332 Mar 21, 2026 +26

Listen, I’ve teleported to more Waffle Houses than this chucklefuck, I promise you that much. I used to teleport to IHOP, but they changed the Red white and blueberry breakfast too much. The point I’m trying to make, is that I should be leading FEMA. If you agree, please astral project yourself to the Waffle House in Macon and we’ll discuss next steps.

26

mavigogun Mar 21, 2026 +4

There are 11 Waffle Houses in Macon: you're going to have to be more specific- teleportation isn't clairvoyance or claircognizance, ya know.

4

flamingdonkey Mar 21, 2026 +3

Nah, I know which one he's talking about.

3

DJGlennW Mar 21, 2026 +26

Blackout drunk is not teleportation.

26

CanadianDiver Mar 21, 2026 +8

The rest of us just call it blacking out.

8

Notwerk Mar 21, 2026 +8

I did that five or six times in college. I teleported to a few strange beds, too. One time, I teleported to an alley behind a bar.

8

jazzhandler Mar 21, 2026 +8

That’s nothing, a lot of us have done that. Try teleporting *away from* a Waffle House; that’s the real magic, son.

8

No_Neighborhood7614 Mar 21, 2026 +8

I was teleporting around my backyard after eating magic mushies, every few seconds I was sitting in a different location while laughing so much I was crying Could have been aliens I guess

8

MysteriousDatabase68 Mar 21, 2026 +6

The combination of; right wing Fema conspiracies, Waffle house, and a shocking resemblance to Phillip K. D***, can only mean one thing. Methamphetamine

6

Serious_Berry_3977 Mar 21, 2026 +7

The Onion called, they want their timeline back

7

Alicegradstudent1998 Mar 21, 2026 +8

This country isn’t real man…

8

Philweir Mar 21, 2026 +5

Ayahuasca and complex humanitarian emergencies during natural disasters generally don't mix. I know from experience.

5

Reasonable-Turn-5940 Mar 21, 2026 +5

Loyalty over sanity or competence. That's going to be Trump's legacy. Hire the biggest con artists, degenerates, conspiracy theorists and crooks just because they're loyal at the expense of the country, its citizens, basically the entire world. Criminal organizations don't run on being effective as much as they do a code of silence and punishments for stepping out of line.

5

PM_me_your_O_face_ Mar 21, 2026 +7

Amateur hour. Anyone can teleport in a vehicle to a ditch or a Waffle House. Try teleporting and waking up with two 20 taco packs worth of Taco Bell wrappers all around you.

7

Jesusland_Refugee Mar 21, 2026 +6

"A far-right conspiracy theorist turned high-ranking official at the US Federal Emergency Management Agency (Fema) claims to have once teleported to a Waffle House." r/brandnewsentence

6

PepperMill_NA Mar 21, 2026 +5

> Phillips claimed that his car was “lifted up” while he was driving and transported 40 miles (65km) away into a ditch near a church. And in another instance on the same episode, Phillips said he was teleported 50 miles away to a Waffle House in Rome, Georgia, Oh yeah, he's fine. No issues there. That's probably how the car wound up in the ditch. Also > Phillips suggested that both Covid-19 and the vaccine for it were designed to kill people, and also claimed that Department of Homeland Security officials were “planning the next assassination attempt” of Donald Trump after a failed attempt on the US president’s life in 2024.

5

ailish Mar 21, 2026 +7

I read the title and thought he was joking, then I read the first paragraph. He thinks he has really teleported to a Waffle House, guys.

7

ewillyp Mar 21, 2026 +5

ok, that's it, i want off of this ride.

5

JimHeckdiver Mar 21, 2026 +18

Anyone who claims this should be banned from public office in any government on earth. Anyone who BELIEVES it should be locked away as a danger to society.

18

Handsdown0003 Mar 21, 2026 +4

Was this after a fifth of Jack and some funny pills?

4

cantproveidid Mar 21, 2026 +5

Better living, through chemistry!

5

GVArcian Mar 21, 2026 +4

I'm pretty sure The Onion could sue for copyright infringement here.

4

ered_lithui Mar 21, 2026 +4

Typical Waffle House behavior tbh

4

Rick0r Mar 21, 2026 +5

I used to teleport all the time as a kid. I’d fall asleep on the couch and boom, I’d wake up in my bed. Teleport. Can’t argue with science like that.

5

Grandheretic Mar 21, 2026 +5

He apparently has “ teleported “ 3 separate times (only once to Waffle House 😂) - It’s completely insane what passes for “normal” in this administration.

5

WasteBinStuff Mar 21, 2026 +4

Well, I mean, to be fair that should be pretty handy for emergency response purposes.

4

littlelordgenius Mar 21, 2026 +4

Did Hegseth recommend this sot?

4

Ok_Replacement4702 Mar 21, 2026 +3

Absolute cream of the c*** administration

3

RLewis8888 Mar 21, 2026 +3

I've been to that Waffle House. It's lousy with teleporters. Especially around 3am.

3

hannje99 Mar 21, 2026 +4

I predict a SNL skit on this in the near future.

4

AF2005 Mar 21, 2026 +5

Weird way to say you downed a fifth of grain alcohol and maybe some speed

5

MichaelHunt009 Mar 21, 2026 +3

Things to probably NOT say during a job interview. Unless the job's at Waffle House.

3

Delmarvablacksmith Mar 21, 2026 +4

To be fair. If one were to be both an certified whacko an able To teleport. The only appropriate place to teleport to would be a Waffle House at like 3am To start a fight with the staff.

4

cheeseandwine99 Mar 21, 2026 +4

These sound like The Onion headlines from 20 years ago.

4

Citizen-Kang Mar 21, 2026 +8

My brother in Christ, just admit you were doing ayahuasca with your mistress (which, considering your political leanings, was probably an under-age boy). It's just less embarrassing for everyone involved since nobody wants to pretend to believe you...

8

Unusual-Economist288 Mar 21, 2026 +3

Yeah, not f****** weird at all.

3

Particular_Ticket_20 Mar 21, 2026 +3

Apparently, I teleported a lot when I was in college. Stopped once I got a job and stopped going to dollar draft nights.

3

Awkwardischarge Mar 21, 2026 +3

> I was with my boys one time, and I was telling them I was gonna go to Waffle House and get Waffle House. And I ended up at a Waffle House – this was in Georgia, and I end up at a Waffle House like 50 miles away from where I was. And they said, ‘where are you?’ and I said, ‘a Waffle House.’ And: ‘a Waffle House where?’ And I said: ‘Waffle House in Rome, Georgia. That's just good storytelling.

3

Exciting_Farmer6395 Mar 21, 2026 +3

My teleporting fuel is tequila.

3

Dry_System9339 Mar 21, 2026 +3

Time to drug test politicians

3

_the_genius Mar 21, 2026 +3

Only the best people y’all.

3

lord_ashtar Mar 21, 2026 +3

Let's not rule this one out so quick.

3

shayKyarbouti Mar 21, 2026 +3

Are you sure this is in the right sub? Headline reads like it belongs more in r/nottheonion

3

parker1019 Mar 21, 2026 +3

The Embarrassment Administration

3

PigFarmer1 Mar 21, 2026 +3

This guy hangs out with RFK, Jr., huh?

3

kalel1980 Mar 21, 2026 +3

Is this really newsworthy? I mean, dude got blackout drunk and time travelled to another location. We've all done it bro.

3

4RCH43ON Mar 21, 2026 +3

If I could teleport, it certainly wouldn’t be into a Waffle House. What a waste of a made up super ability.

3

dumbname0192837465 Mar 21, 2026 +3

Junkie ass administration

3

InevitableAvalanche Mar 21, 2026 +3

Republicans are a joke of a party and it is destroying our country.

3

mosi_moose Mar 21, 2026 +3

Going out with friends and somehow coming to in a Waffle House is not a unique experience.

3

caliboy559 Mar 21, 2026 +3

MAGA zombies running this country into the ground. 🤦🏻‍♂️

3

TurdFerguson747474 Mar 21, 2026 +3

Me too, mostly in college, and after frat parties

3

prodigalAvian Mar 21, 2026 +3

Someone please write "Waffle House Wormhole", the Lovecraftian tale where every road leads to Waffle House

3

PotentialAnt9670 Mar 21, 2026 +3

You guys ever realize how fucked we are? Sometimes it just hits me out of the blue.

3

freetherhinoz Mar 21, 2026 +3

That's called coming out of a black out, big guy

3

MartyMacGyver Mar 21, 2026 +3

_"The power of Christ compels you!.... To try our breakfast special!"_

3

irllyh8choosing Mar 21, 2026 +3

I mean it’s not that great. Seems like a waste of a teleporting trip.

3

FashionBusking Mar 21, 2026 +3

Idiocracy the movie... it was a *prophesy*

3

SetoXlll Mar 21, 2026 +3

Give me some of those shrooms brahhh

3

PurpleSailor Mar 21, 2026 +3

Man this guy must have had some really good acid.

3

reddit_tard Mar 21, 2026 +3

Honestly you always just kind of end up in a waffle house... it's not like it's a conscious decision. I feel like I've teleported to a waffle house a lot of times.

3

dannydrama Mar 21, 2026 +3

Americans are f****** crazy, it's one thing to be a bad politician but actively insane like this? 😂😂

3

dpmad1 Mar 21, 2026 +3

People are out their got-dang minds…WTF IS GOING ON?!?

3

10thousndreflections Mar 21, 2026 +1

Dude having Xanax blackouts and thinks it's alien technology

1

hmr0987 Mar 21, 2026 +2

Given the top leadership are all drunks it’s easy to see how he teleported. Hell back in my college years I teleported many times.

2

1805trafalgar Mar 21, 2026 +2

I don't know how, but anyone owning a waffle house needs to lean into this right away and start exploiting the potential mystical portal nature of their establishments.

2

SpeakingTheKingss Mar 21, 2026 +2

I have for sure teleported to a diner before.

2

jeremec Mar 21, 2026 +2

That’s called an exhaust leak.

2

Awkwardischarge Mar 21, 2026 +2

Last time I got abducted by aliens they somehow put my semen in a woman.

2

Maximum-Function7181 Mar 21, 2026 +2

I mean, who hasn't teleported to a Waffle House before

2

nizhaabwii Mar 21, 2026 +2

cocaine is a hell of a drug

2

shavedaffer Mar 21, 2026 +2

I too have regained my awareness at a Waffle House. Usually after 15 beers.

2

ronasimi Mar 21, 2026 +2

Uh, I think he might have been roofied in a truck stop parking lot by a large man named Bubba.

2

VengefulWalnut Mar 21, 2026 +2

How much had he been drinking. This sounds like a typical northern Florida bender.

2

Goshawk5 Mar 21, 2026 +2

Yeah, and the teleportation machine is called Vodka.

2

steroboros Mar 21, 2026 +2

I've also have done this several times before, so have many people in Georgia who've gone on alcoholic binges. Nothing like regaining awareness to find yourself in a waffle house booth and a active brawl happening 10 feet away from you.

2

EducationalLemon790 Mar 21, 2026 +2

Good luck, have fun and don’t die

2

latouchefinale Mar 21, 2026 +2

Can he teleport us back to 2015?

2

Exotic-Ferret-3452 Mar 21, 2026 +2

I have lucid dreams about their grits

2

popsferragamo Mar 21, 2026 +2

I feel like they can just pull a random person off the street and they would be more qualified than most of these administrators

2

Metacomet99 Mar 21, 2026 +2

Quick... give that man a security clearance!!!

2

Training_Try7344 Mar 21, 2026 +2

"Waffle house drunk" is VERY drunk!

2

Necessary-House-2820 Mar 21, 2026 +2

I mean…who hasn’t teleported to a Waffle House?

2

SpaceCadetUltra Mar 21, 2026 +2

Oh yea, that’s black out binge drinking

2

Korashime Mar 21, 2026 +2

Well shit! Who amongst us haven't?!

2

Bad_Idea_Hat Mar 21, 2026 +2

This is one of those weird things I'd believe. Many people don't go to a Waffle House, they merely arrive for the fisticuffs.

2

Top US Fema official claims to have teleported to a Waffle House before

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