ListNook

tekani11 Apr 1, 2026 +1

It's called Alcohol or drugs, dude.

1

ragingreaver Apr 1, 2026 +1

Oh it is DEFINITELY drugs. When you black out on alchohol, you *usually* can't move too far afterward. Or stand up. This dude woke up inside places he intended to go, which means his brain had enough wherewithal to get on a bus and actually navigate in unfamiliar places. It could be Dissociative ~~Personality~~ Identity Disorder, but that usually comes with other signs.

1

woodlandcollective Apr 1, 2026 +1

Dissociative identity disorder* Not to be that guy but there's a reason they changed the name

1

ragingreaver Apr 1, 2026 +1

I thought I used "Identity" guess I didn't. Hate when my brain thinks one thing, and my hands type/mouth speaks another.

1

DeadPeanutSociety Apr 1, 2026 +1

Alcohol and suddenly being at Waffle House is a classic combo, I don't know why we are dismissing it out of hand.

1

FortWayneFam Apr 1, 2026 +1

Because benzos work the same way and are much more likely to be the culprit. You are on autopilot and completed the day or week, but you dont remember a thing.

1

kirkaracha Apr 1, 2026 +1

It hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.

1

FortWayneFam Apr 1, 2026 +1

Is that from a movie or something? Im not sure how to respond

1

Different-Group-782 Apr 1, 2026 +1

Friends theme song

1

kirkaracha Apr 1, 2026 +1

https://youtu.be/s2TyVQGoCYo?si=rTRS-A0rBR4_78DJ

1

Simmery Apr 1, 2026 +1

I don't think alcoholics typically imagine they're teleporting instead of just blacking out.

1

Individual_Respect90 Apr 1, 2026 +1

If you been an alcoholic for a long time you can get a lot of stuff done being pretty black out drunk. One time I was black out drunk and had a camping trip the next day drunk me fully packed up the car with stuff sober me would have forgotten about. Everything down from the tent to the first aid kid to a broom to sweep out everyone’s tent. Even brought pepto bismol which wasn’t sure why that was needed until it was needed.

1

FortWayneFam Apr 1, 2026 +1

Benzodiazepines for sure

1

ProfessionalBench832 Apr 1, 2026 +1

Bus? Doubt it.

1

Hopwater Apr 1, 2026 +1

Dissociative fugue is the term and is about legitimate form of stress or trauma induced amnesia.

1

ThisTooInModeration Apr 1, 2026 +1

Yeah, dude is definitely not 5th level Magic User.

1

tekani11 Apr 1, 2026 +1

I wish this trump administration to end. God damnit. I'm not a 9th level spell user either am I

1

co-wurker Apr 1, 2026 +1

Maybe just high on Christian. This isn't really any wilder than other shit they believe.

1

Complete_Question_41 Apr 1, 2026 +1

Either that or a rather convoluted attempt to explain away being in a place he wasn't supposed to be cuz eg cheating

1

forever_useless Apr 1, 2026 +1

Can't read anything political today without thinking it's The Onion. Onion writers in shambles!

1

Toy_Guy_in_MO Apr 1, 2026 +1

I've said for over a year now I don't understand how The Onion hasn't shuttered its doors. It simply can't outdo reality anymore.

1

co-wurker Apr 1, 2026 +1

I feel like Four Seasons Landscaping threw the floodgates open.

1

slagmacg Apr 1, 2026 +1

“How did I get to Waffle House? Whose pants are these? And why is there shit in them?”

1

thenasch Apr 1, 2026 +1

You may ask yourself, how did I get to this Waffle House? And you may ask yourself, dear God, what have I done?

1

cwk415 Apr 1, 2026 +1

And who poured a handle of tequila down my throat and smoked all this meth?

1

Obvious_Toe_3006 Apr 1, 2026 +1

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was ..

1

TheSleepingNinja Apr 1, 2026 +1

Who shit these pants? How did they shit these pants? Why did they shit into pants?

1

seriousofficialname Apr 1, 2026 +1

Most rational Republican

1

Glitch2082 Apr 1, 2026 +1

I can only do it when no one is watching though.

1

Resident-Writing850 Apr 1, 2026 +1

I second his nomination for most sane, rational republican. A lot of competition but I feel this one could win it!

1

ScarletWhisperx- Apr 1, 2026 +1

if teleporting to Waffle House isn’t a presidential priority, what are we even doing?

1

Dearic75 Apr 1, 2026 +1

If it was teleporting to a McDonalds, then he would have gotten a call back.

1

andyraylan Apr 1, 2026 +1

I kind of wish that it was the one and only presidential priority for the next two years. Then we all just go about our business, stay quiet and move slowly as to avoid distracting Trump from his important mission. Maybe throw him a compliment every now and then, to keep him motivated. Just wait it out and hope it remains his only priority until 2028.

1

SteamedGamer Apr 1, 2026 +1

They need to do the same thing with Trump they did with his Dad - make a fake "office" for him to go to every day, where he can do "important" things.

1

andyraylan Apr 1, 2026 +1

Did that happen? Did they do that with Trump senior? How funny. Yes, this is the answer to so many problems. Except the people who would be doing the actual work won’t be better. Might’ve worked in his first term, there were still some adults in the room.

1

zubbs99 Apr 1, 2026 +1

We can all relate to those times when we need instant Waffle House access.

1

frieddumplings Apr 1, 2026 +1

Big oil and big auto dont want you to know that you can travel without automobiles.

1

Toy_Guy_in_MO Apr 1, 2026 +1

> you can travel without automobiles. But only to a Waffle House

1

returnofthecursed Apr 1, 2026 +1

Just your typical MAGA psychosis. These people are not well.

1

FrankGehryNuman Apr 1, 2026 +1

He seems fun

1

wdomeika Apr 1, 2026 +1

Ok, for the last time, you need input the zip code of the waffle house you're teleporting to into the Dorlean BEFORE you engage the flux capacitor...

1

Volntyr Apr 1, 2026 +1

Remember, it's April 1st, but with this administration, who knows?

1

smurfsundermybed Apr 1, 2026 +1

You can look it up. This is not an April 1 thing. He was talking about it before today.

1

Volntyr Apr 1, 2026 +1

The Super SUPER funny thing is this guy is possibly my old supervisor's new boss

1

notbornwithatail Apr 1, 2026 +1

I had to look it up. I'm still not sure if I can believe it. If you suddenly appear in a waffle house, how is a brain scan not your top priority? Oh, wait, it's okay, God teleported me. Insane.

1

Birdhawk Apr 1, 2026 +1

I too have wound up at a Waffle House and not known exactly how I got there. But it wasn’t teleportation. It was alcohol and knowing the perfect way to cap off the night and eat something that’ll prevent the hangover.

1

ThirdSunRising Apr 1, 2026 +1

Yeah go to Waffle House at 2am and the parking lot is full but you can’t find one person who drove there. Teleportation is more common than you think!

1

maddieterrier Apr 1, 2026 +1

There’s a reason they have pictures on the menu. 2am most customers are too drunk to read.

1

ChickpeaDemon Apr 1, 2026 +1

>A senior Trump administration disaster response official claims the president's Truth Social platform is blocking his posts after he claimed to be teleported to a Waffle House. In the Trump era the jokes write themselves. >”I was with my boys one time and I was telling them I was gonna go to Waffle House and get Waffle House. And I ended up at a Waffle House – this was in Georgia and I end up at a Waffle House like 50 miles away from where I was,” Phillips said on a podcast last year. His “boys” were Tall Greys pranking his dumbass.

1

Mecha-Dave Apr 1, 2026 +1

One time in college I smoked a bunch of weed and then also somehow teleported to a Wafflehouse in front of a plate of delicious fully loaded hashbrowns, two fried eggs, 3 strips of bacon, and a fresh orange juice.

1

SISWIWH Apr 1, 2026 +1

Not The Onion and not an April Fool's joke.

1

ken-davis Apr 1, 2026 +1

Sadly, he is likely one of the more sane officials in the admin.

1

Angela_Peacock2024 Apr 1, 2026 +1

And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

1

Smaynard6000 Apr 1, 2026 +1

How do these people get jobs?

1

Life_Bet8956 Apr 1, 2026 +1

Is this guy having a breakdown or something

1

sirZofSwagger Apr 1, 2026 +1

Maybe we should state taking communion at waffle house. I will have my scattered and topped

1

BrandenWi Apr 1, 2026 +1

But Trump only hires the best people, don't you know?

1

Pithecanthropus88 Apr 1, 2026 +1

This dude is insane. He needs to be removed from his office and put in a psychiatric hospital.

1

Rotanen Apr 1, 2026 +1

Fun fact: you gain the power to teleport into a Waffle House if you give your life to Christ in a C****** Barrel parking lot.

1

Aurongel Apr 1, 2026 +1

So he’s abused booze and benzos then, gotcha 👌 He should probably just say that in the future instead of relying on this fanfiction tripe to explain how he’s driven under the influence.

1

cassy_supernova Apr 1, 2026 +1

Yep. Or ambien. Or ketamine. Etc etc. Anything that fucks with your ability to make new memories.

1

Forsaken-Standard527 Apr 1, 2026 +1

I would like to see a demonstration of this amazing teleportation skill. Or does it only work when no one is around?

1

SarahArabic2 Apr 1, 2026 +1

Is this an april fools joke cuz like why even bother with that shit anymore

1

spazz720 Apr 1, 2026 +1

I have the same problem when drinking brown liquor

1

cyberkine Apr 1, 2026 +1

"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof" or drugs. Occam's Razor tells us the simplest explanation is the more likely. So drugs. Philosophy is fun!

1

Dawg_in_NWA Apr 1, 2026 +1

Everyone college kid I know has been teleported to Waffle House. Its called being drunk.

1

elmatador12 Apr 1, 2026 +1

This guy lied to his wife about being out with the boys and the lie has spun out of control. 😂

1

Trump official claims president’s Truth Social platform is blocking his posts about teleporting to a Waffle House

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