Trump says US talking to 'new' and 'more reasonable' Iranian regime, Rubio declines to say who

"Proud to announce that Iran will reopen the Strait of Hormuz after we send them $250,000 worth of iTunes gift cards"

I'm betting it's a pair of shock jock morning radio show hosts doing very bad middle eastern accents.

I think they called up a random number in Iran and just started talking

“Why is a bitcoin atm being installed in the Oval Office?”

She's from Canada.

Is ‘George Glass’ a typical Iranian name?

It's probably the shah's idiot son that thinks he can somehow come back to power after this is all over. He's nobody.

You wouldn't understand. It's a secret.

That would imply they attempted to actually make talks. My opinion is its all fake.

Honorable Friend, I reach out to you under the grace of the Almighty during these flickering times of history. I am Prince Ausu Islasses, writing to you from the oil-rich province of Khuzestan, Iran. As a steward of our nation’s vast energy reserves, I have successfully secured a sum of $200,000,000,000 USD derived from private petroleum exports. However, my true mission is far greater than commerce. My family and I are committed to using these resources to fund peace initiatives and provide the humanitarian aid necessary to stop the devastating wars currently scarring our region. Due to the suffocating weight of international banking sanctions and the complexities of the current conflict, I am seeking a trustworthy foreign partner to receive these funds. This capital must be moved to a neutral ground to ensure it reaches those working toward a ceasefire and lasting stability. Time is of the essence if we are to prevent further bloodshed. I must ask for your strictest confidentiality to protect this mission. Please reply with the urgency this situation demands so that we may secure these funds and begin our work for peace. May your days be filled with peace, and may the oil of our land finally bring rest to the weary. Prince Ausu Islasses

Sometimes I wish that the press would pretend like the answers that they get are completely serious and ask some follow-ups. “Mr. President. You just said that Iran has asked you to be their supreme leader. Why wouldn’t you accept that so that you could just immediately surrender?”

I mean it is entirely possible that Trump actually does believe that he is talking to what will be future Iran govt.

"It's a whole different group of people. So I would consider that regime change and frankly, they've been very reasonable." Operation Epic Move-the-Goalposts.

Insane that they think anyone is buying it...... except the stock market, christ

I very much believe they are talking to someone in Iran that they find "resonable" and would want implimented as a new leader of the country. I do not believe that have a real way to get that person in to actual power. I also have doubts how "reasonable" this person actually is but they are probably willing to bow down to Trump if that is some sort of benefit.

Jack Mehoff

And he’s looking for Amanda Hugginkiss.

Chad Geepeetea

You sure it wasn't Phillip MacCrevice?

This is what happens when you kill all the executives and seniors leaders. One would think they will have the foresight to leave some decision makers alive for negotiations.

Exactly there is no one person or group in charge of the whole military

You probably know more than anyone else in Trumps cabinet.

Isn't that literally what Iran said like six days ago? >*Has the level of your inner struggle reached ‌the ⁠stage of you negotiating with yourself?*

Hey Alexa. How do I get a deal to end this war? Or maybe Siri. I think Trump has an iPhone

They dont. Just like Putin in Russia thier "press releases" are for their sycophants supporters not for the rest of the world.

He said more reasonable. 😆

So before he got elected?

Was this press conference held at Four Seasons Total Landscaping again?

Hey, don't put down Donkeys like that. They're extremely loyal, intelligent, and hard working. Quite the opposite from these grifters.