What is the worst relationship advice someone gave you??

“Settle for someone beneath you so you know they’ll never leave.” Said by my at the time best friend’s mom when I was 12 or so. She unsurprisingly had an unhappy marriage. My husband has his flaws but so do I and in no world would I ever describe him as “beneath me”. After she said that I felt deep sadness for both of them, but mostly her husband. How f****** awful to marry someone you love only for them to see you as the safe option due to their deeply rooted insecurity. I remember my best friend’s face when her mom said that. It messed her up for a while.

"If she says no, chase her! She wants to be won over." - advice someone gave my brother. - If she says no, it's a no. Respect that. And if she actually says no but means yes, she's an idiot and needs to learn how to communicate.

'"Everyone deserves a second chance". NO, sometimes once *needs* to be enough!

Someone once told me just to tolerate everything for love and I thought well thanks for the disaster manual

Someone told me ‘never go to bed angry’ so I stayed up all night arguing, exhausted AND angry.

Someone suggested I get pregnant by my cheating ex-fiance "to get his focus back on you"

"Just get her somewhere that she can't say no." That's...that's kidnapping? Assault? I'm not going to do that.

"Just put up with it. It'll even out in time."

These came from women in my family. During courting, be mysterious and play hard to get because boys love the chase. If he really likes you, he will be persistent; if not, then it means he wasn't serious in the first place. Also: know the limit of your partner's patience. Before settling down, you must know how he acts when he's angry. That means you have to deliberately make him angry. (Yes, it sounds very manipulative because it is.) Judging by their miserable relationships, it's best to do the exact opposite of their advice.

“If they really care, they’ll change.” Learned the hard way that people only change if they want to

Opposites attract. It's a nice sentiment but you still need a shared values and interests for things to work long term.

“Time will fix it.”Time just showed me what I was refusing to see.

That I should pray for my partner to change when they cheated, it was my mother in law

God wants you to forgive them, suffering is a virtue. Families break apart because no one is willing to suffer together anymore.

Be yourself. Turns out that's a terrible idea if you're a massive c***.

That I need to control my partner 24/7 and I need to be jealous of every soul that speaks to them. Crazy how people who told me this never hit 1 year with somebody, meanwhile I've been with my partner for two and a half years never being jealous and/or controlling him regularly

If it’s meant to be, it’ll just work. nah, effort matters a lot.

Never show a woman you're vulnerable.

"Theres someone out there for you." Then where the f*** is this b**** hiding

Not really advice but when I was about 18 I went to a nightclub with some friends and a girl quite a bit older than me got chatting to me and she told me adamantly that my relationship wouldn’t work (had been dating since we were 14) , she said one of us would 100% cheat or we just wouldn’t like each other anymore. It made me feel a bit sick and panicked Anyway , together over 10 years now and we are getting married. Yes we are still best friends and very much like each other !

"Dude, women are crazy!" from a misogynist best friend whose ex-girlfriends all happened to be "crazy."

Wasn't to me, but a friend: Happy wife, happy life. She took it quite literally and threw it at her now former, sorta, husband any time she wanted something. After he left her for being a f****** brat, she wised up. Last I heard, she was trying, and succeeding in winning him back. Grew a lot in the year they were apart. Happy spouse, happy house is far better and more equal in responsibility tbh.

"Others can tell how much you love yourself by the partner youve chosen." Edit: I read this incorrectly and gave good advice rather than bad. But f*** it, I'm leaving it because I believe it.

It's always 50/50. Sometimes you have to do more then your partner when they can't.

Don't go to bed angry. Seriously we stayed up all nights a couple of nights and it was horrible and didn't get anywhere.

"All men are like that"  About my abuse.  No , NOT all men are grooming young girls and abusing them. 

Have a baby to save the relationship. A child is a human being, not a structural repair kit for a collapsing marriage. It only adds 10x more stress to an already broken foundation.

Just be grateful for whatever you get… Stunning advice for a chubby 14 year old with low self esteem

Never go to bed [angry.it](http://angry.it) sound wise ,but in reality ,forcing a resolution when both people are tried or emotional can make things worse .sometimes the best move is to pause, sleep ,and come back with a clearer head

"You're his girlfriend, you should stand by him no matter what." Said to me by his female friend. I had just dumped him because the guy couldn't stop blowing up his life. Blew what little money he could scrape together on stupid shit, leading him to default on his bills, kept taking advantage of friends and colleagues who tried to help him, lied to me repeatedly about his life circumstances and what was happening. You should not stand by someone like that no matter what, no. The fun part is, he and that female friend ended up getting married 😅

“If they love you, they’ll change.”

Be persistent, or things along those lines.

just communicate more without any acknowledgment that some people aren't equipped to receive it well. you can communicate perfectly and it still doesn't work if the other person has no framework for it.

“Grab her by the p****.” - Donald J. Trump No matter how many times I tried, this didn’t work. Now I’m in a max security facility for 27 counts of “sexual assault including minors.” Whatever that means. Can a guy catch an unconditional discharge?

You have to feel pain to understand relationships and become aware. Actually, I haven't followed this advice and I won't. I feel that if someone makes me feel like they're going to cause me pain, I'll just distance myself from them before that happens. I think, so I can understand. 

"If they wanted to they would"...when it came to something very reliant on money. Money cant just spawn out of thin air. Its not a matter of my partner not wanting to.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Nope. Nuh-uh. No. Learning how to say and show sorry is part of being a decent human and partner.

I'm not sure if the "No-Contact-Rule" after break-up was the best thing to do. Maybe the relationsship could have been saved. I'll never know, but it's something I regret sometimes.

Change yourself to keep them happy

"your husband does not love you coz he doesn't buy you expensive gifts."

Keep a side chick just in case things go wrong. My girl found out and left me and my side chick left me too

Everything can be fixed

My sister (who is very religious) told my wife something along the lines of “it’s the wife’s job to submit to the husbands decisions.” I shut that shit down pretty quickly.

Love conquers all - NOT TRUE.

"Don't discuss politics and religion or anything else that's meaningful when you first start dating somebody." This idea that you have to lie about who you are until you've got them, feels like such a trap LOL I don't think that wasting your time is a good thing. If you don't share the values that I hold, I would rather move on very quickly.

If he is yours, he will comeback. Bro, if he was mine in the first place, he wouldn't have left.

“Find someone who loves you not someone you love” . How about find someone you love and who loves you back

Staying together just because "suffering means your love is deep". Turns out he's just an abusive turd of a human being.

“Just have kids, that’ll fix it” 🫠

It’s not a sprint it’s a marathon. Yeah, a marathon of chasing a loser, and convincing myself that he wasn’t.

Not exactly advice, but I was an in a narcissistic-abusive relationship and realized I was changing myself and the things I wanted in life after almost three years. I broke up with him and tried to keep the peace. I asked him one day what his parents thought of the situation, and they told him “if she really loved you, she would have stayed.” I immediately realized that they were the reason he was the way he was and why his parents would argue all the time. I looked up to his mom so much and that broke any semblance of respect I had remaining for her

Literally in the wedding sermon from the pastor: To me: "You should love but not respect your wife." To my wife: "You should respect but not love your husband." Was wild to hear. We, uh, don't follow that advice.

tbh someone told me "never go to bed angry" and that just made us stay up until 3am fighting lol

Don't let her know how much you truly like her...

Keep em mean...

That I was being irrational against extreme gaslighting

"If she looks good, stick with it." - My Grandfather

>When my wife starts getting on her bullshit, I just tell her to stop acting so childish and when she's ready to talk to me like an adult I'll be in the next room. You should do more stuff like that as well. He's been divorced for a while now and is extremely bitter about it. Like I never would have put him up as a paragon of virtue previously but I can barely stand him now.

Forgive and forget. It rhymes doesn't mean it's a thought out plan

Just change them they’ll adjust once you love them enough. Spoiler: love can’t fix core incompatibility.

Always say yes to a first date

Work on yourself and the right person will come along

just do it for the kids

"Trust me, bro"

Chasing someone over and over again when that person doesn't want you.

"Always be the one who cares less." No, that's bullshit born from my parents trust issues. I finally forged a functional relationship when I learned to care and trust.

My dad has been trying to set me up with a family friend and her mom has been trying to set her up with me. After a few failed attempts on her mom's part to get us in the same room I told her mom to send her my phone number and haven't heard anything after a few weeks. Well I told my dad this and said all I can do is signal interest and see if it's reciprocated. He suggested I go visit her at the bar she works at to which I replied f*** no. There is no way I am visiting her at her place of work uninvited. I've only met her in person once before and it was at a crowded party so we didn't even get to talk much. I'd be happy to hang out at her bar but if she doesn't invite me it feels creepy. I take it she's not interested which is fine. Maybe our parents will stop trying to get us together now.

Be non-chalant and like you don't care, ignore her/don't text back Granted, there are plenty of women that you can do this with and they'll fall for you, but you don't want those women in your life.

"Don't go to bed angry, work it out no matter how long it takes." TERRIBLE advice. You end up becoming less and less rational as you tire and then may just give up and lie that you're now happy. Better advice: Go for a walk, separate yourself, think about the issue and whether you can accept whatever has happened with no problem, or need to discuss it and there needs to be a change in whatever behavior caused the rift.

"Men are logical, women emotional" Doesn't even sound like relationship advice, but it was meant to be. You may be shocked to hear that came from a conservative man in my family who's had several emotional outbursts.

"The only way a woman will respect you is if you put her in her place". I grew up around a lot of misogyny and people who believe in the idea of "woman's work". Naturally, they are in terrible relationships with women who might as well be their maids. I treat my wife like a person and things are going great. This concept is normal on listnook, but the men in wv look at you funny if you actually enjoy your spouses company.

Pain is love

"The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else." It does not work. Do not believe them.

“Be with someone uglier than you so that you have the power”

“if he’s not cheating or beating you, stay bc it’s hard out here” as though being single isn’t an option

Just give a woman all your money- then you will have a wife!

My ex and I were meeting her best friend, who recently got a new boyfriend. During the dinner, they wanted to make sure I was vetted to meet her new boyfriend. They had a whole list of things about her I was not allowed to mention in front of him, like: \- Don’t mention that she smokes cigarettes \- Don’t mention that she smokes weed sometimes \- Don’t mention her ex or when they broke up \- She had told her new BF a totally different story about her ex, so I needed to be consistent with the alternative story. Etc etc etc. I asked her if she wanted me to lie to the poor guy. She said no, I would just keep this information secret, so it wasn’t lying. My ex slapped my arm and said «See! Girls have a right to keep secrets in the relationship!» Some more context: I didn’t know this at the time, but my ex had cheated on me, and her friend knew the whole time. Her friend was also secretly in contact with her ex the whole time and she broke up with her new BF to get back together with him again. They were both sitting there with all of these horrible secrets and were acting like nothing, because apparently it was their right to keep secrets. Some people live in these echo chambers and convince themselves that this is all totally acceptable behaviour…

>You shouldn’t live with a man before marriage. Said by my mother. She and my father did not live together before marriage, and I am certain that if they had, the marriage wouldn’t have taken place. And she would be happier for it.

“It is what it is”.

Was fighting a lot with my ex and my mom said to me (only half-joking), "it's too bad you can't have a baby. Then you'd both be too tired to argue like this." (Spoiler alert: we could not have a baby bc we were both women)

"Leave him" at any inconvenience

If your partner does something witch hurt you do revenge

Never give up, Don't mess

I know you're heartbroken over her, but could you just tough out spending time with her? It'll be really inconvenient for everyone if you make this difficult.

Happy wife, happy life.

I was told, that opposites attract! I kind of also was agreeing on it but I realized, that it should be opposites up to one point, with some limits. Otherwise, it can get very bad.

“ I know she doesn’t like you anymore, but you still want to be part of the family so just marry her sister”.

My own mother “save blowjobs for when you crash their car or really f*ck up”… no Mom I won’t take an ounce of advise from you twice divorced and awful wit communication

"If you force yourself to talk to people enough times your social anxiety will go away."

From my mom in the early 80s. "Just be nice and youll meet some nice girl and get married" haha jokes on you mom thats why you never got to see any grandkids.

Just ignore red flags, love conquers all. Big mistake.

Any advice given on the shitshow that is r/psychics

1: If you wait patiently she will change her mind. (That's absolutely never true) 2: if you are patient, love will come to you.. (absolutely, definitely not...!!!!! at all) 3: there is also some out there for you (I'm 67 years ol' now.. I don't think so...) 4: if you are persistent, you will get her.. ( nope.. women run like hell if you tell them you like them)

My dad always discouraged me from breaking up with my girlfriends no matter how unhappy I was, that commitment was important. The days they dumped me were some of the best and most forward-moving moments of my life.

“Just pretend not to care” and “talk to women about your problems.” Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

just communicate more without any acknowledgment that some people aren't equipped to receive it well. you can communicate perfectly and it still doesn't work if the other person has no framework for it.

That love grows. It didn’t.

Happy wife happy life

“Dá uma segunda chance, todo mundo erra.” Eu dei. A pessoa errou exatamente do mesmo jeito… de novo. Aprendi que perdão é uma coisa, repetir erro é outra.

Don't have sex with someone until you get married.

When I started dating long distance (US - UK), I was told "don't get attached, it won't last long, she will probably cheat". I got attached, she didn't cheat, we've been married for almost a decade and have a beautiful baby together.

Don’t go to bed angry.’ Sometimes you need to go to bed angry so you don't say something at 3 AM that ends the relationship forever.

Be assertive..

Anything about decentering men or "focusing on yourself" because it usually comes from insecure women who are in relationships or insecure women who don't want you in the same dating pool as them because they know they can't compete with you. You don't have to like the same men, but it's the principle that those men may choose you over her. You ever had a woman literally crash out over paranoia when you don't even like the same type of men? At the very least, it comes from women who would be onto the next man if they could, if it were that easy. Secure and confident women in a relationship are gonna try to hook you up with their guy's friend, "Storm, this is Paul and Paul, this is Storm." Remember girls, you can't compete if someone sabotages you or psyches you out into not playing. Now you've been single for years while Girly Pop with her Recycled Tiktok Advice plays the field and flirts with any man every chance she gets while you feel guilty for even thinking of someone other than your ex. Stay in that mindset long enough, you'll start thinking the relationship wasn't so bad when it was worse. Then you get to eat your own leftovers when there's a whole buffet out there. And there are a *lot* of men. The girls with an overbearing, insecure, easily threatened mother figure will get this one. (Do yourself a solid and take no advice from anybody who reminds you of her.) The advice, "You need to meet someone new," is hardly ever spoken anymore.

"Don't ever be wrong in an argument. Even if you are, don't ever admit it. It puts you at a disadvantage." Hate to say that this person is a super high level, 500k a year executive. Ugh.

Just give it time, things like this eventually work themselves out. No they do not. They fester in the dark and eventually become relationship ending issues.

To just settle. “Men don’t like women who talk too much”. I was basically being told to make myself smaller in order to attract someone I probably wouldn’t even really get along with because they couldn’t hold a conversation

"just be yourself" - thanks, myself is the problem

“That’s just how he shows his love for you, you’re pushing him away” - after telling a friend about my ex’s habit of legit stalking me

After a breakup a friend told me I need to jump into a new one so I don’t feel alone and can get over my ex quicker

The worst advice is 'Just be yourself.' If 'yourself' is the person who keeps getting into bad relationships, then shouldn't you try to be a 'better' version of yourself instead? Why do we treat our current habits like they are a permanent soul that can't be changed?

The Brit kids will get this but one misogynistic PSHE sub told a class of 25+ 14 year olds that unconscious women always want tea. If u know u know

"Follow your heart." Screw that; listen to your gut.

That I should be nonchalant to girls.... Bro that doesn't work

Just ignore the red flags and see how it goes. That only led to more problems later.

"Blood is thicker than water, you'll surely forgive him" - pretty much every other person when I tell them my father didn't involve at all in my life. You don't say; then how come that he, as an ADULT, didn't bother to apply the saying? I tried to connect with him as a child and teenager, and to no avail. Not doing that shit again as an adult.

"Stay with him. He grounds you." No. he controls me. It looks like I need to be grounded because I'm a caged animal. Ended up staying 4 years longer than I should have from that advice.

"Your standards are too high. You should settle." My standards are: - Be kind - Want to build a future with me - I have to be physically attracted to them. (I see woman in real life I am attracted to daily, so I don't think this standard is that high.) - Don't be consumed by a vice - Be respectful - Be accountable That is it. When someone asks me to lower my standards, I ask them which of these standards is much? They always generalize and change the subject.

My sister told me I was too judgemental because I refused to date a boy who was about to start high school, when we were about to graduate.

Never pointing our partner mistakes and just understand them, which I did with my partner for so long and at some point in life I was getting pointed out for every small thing and now I get blamed because everyone says you should have told her that in the past.

When we were still dating, one of my husband's friends told my husband that it's healthy to cheat on your partner once in a while. Needless to say, the guy is a total a****** and they are no longer friends.

No means yes And yes means a***