What is the worst thing you’ve done when you were drunk?

I don’t remember.

Puked in the bed of a woman I had a bit of a crush on. Slept in that bed, head in the puke. Snuck out the next morning, taking no responsibility. The alcohol burned my ear so I ended up peeling skin off my ear like it was a sunburn. Sorry Allison.

Tried to unlock my front door with a TV remote stood there for 10 minutes wondering why it wouldn’t work.

Texting people I definitely should’ve left on read

Drank myself nearly into a coma. Threatened to ki11 myself. Ended up in the psych hospital. 0/10 do not recommend 18 months sober now

Past out like fully KO'd while opening the front door to my mums when I was living there. A few hours later she woke me up laying in the door way and the cats had escaped. Spent a two day hangover searching for the cats, found them.

Went on a manic spree and slept with like 7 people in 2 days. I don’t drink anymore

I tried to "park" my bicycle in the middle of a decorative fountain because I thought it was a VIP bike rack. I woke up the next morning to a very soggy bike and a lot of explaining to do.

Texting someone I absolutely should not have texted and waking up wishing my phone had self-destructed.

Slept with my friend. Ruined our relationship.

Destroy every relationship I’ve ever had. Don’t drink now but the damage has been done.

Drank more. Which led to more problems.

Bring all my other drunk friends to piss on one of the lounge sofas at our University. I have no explanation for why I did that.

Walked about five miles towards my ex GF’s house hoping she would see me driving to work, so we could talk. I made it to an egg farm about a mile from her place, had second thoughts and used their phone to call a ride. It was day break by then and my buddy came to get me. He wasn’t amused.

Trauma dump on my ex bf’s online friend, who I barely knew. 🤦🏻‍♀️

A buddy and I left a bar late at night and he had a dead battery in his truck. We quietly popped the hood and stole the battery out of a police car parked behind the station.

Threw up on the resident director of my dorm building. I was nineteen, so double whammy. Underaged drinking and abuse of alcohol as evidenced by the result of vomiting (Hey, _I_ didn't write the counseling statement, okay?). THAT was an interesting meeting with the dean of student affairs. Also, for some odd reason, the RD kept his distance after that.

Tried to jump into a lake at midnight to pet a duck

Drive Nothing bad happened, but I avoid it even if it means picking up my car the next day

Got into a fight with my friend and than got driven home by the police.

Lost my passport the first day of a two week holiday abroad. Dropped my false teeth in a girls mouth mid bang. Those two always spring to mind.

1) When I was 19, I had been dying to go out with this girl in my class. Holy smokes, she was the bomb. She agree to go with me to a party. It was quite the party. The drink of choice was pure grain alcohol and Gatorade at a party. It was deceptive how that shit snuck up on me. One minute, I was Mr. Charisma and, the next, I was completely, utterly hammered. I thought to myself, "Oh, shit, I need to go home." Somehow, by the grace of God, I managed to navigate the five miles back to my house where I was sick for three days. As in the most epic hangover ever. On Day Three of my hangover it suddenly dawned on me. I left my date at the party. She wound up going home with some guy and making the beast with two backs. They got married. 2) This wasn't bad. More funny than anything. My wife and I went to a church fundraiser (Episcopalians. Wherever there's four, there's a fifth). So when the fundraiser wrapped up, a bunch of us trouped down to a restaurant to continue the festivities. I open the door for my wife, and who comes out but Courtney Cox and Jennifer Anniston. Courtney Cox is from my town and was visiting for her child's baptism and they had eaten at this same restaurant. CC came steaming past. Meanwhile, Jennifer Anniston stopped, looked at me, fingered my lapel and said, "Such a gentleman." I'd like to say that I replied with something witty, but it was along the lines of, "Pflah Fleedle Fluh Blablada." My wife just smirked at me as she walked into the restaurant and said, "Enjoy that." The hostess asked if she could seat us, to which I replied that I was running for Senate and needed a place to announce my candidacy the next week. And she believed me. So I was holding court in the restaurant bar, a martini in hand, while people asked my position on the issues. I'm sure that I was less funny than I thought at the time. To this day, friends still call me Senator. Last time I was ever hungover. That was almost thirty years ago.

So this was 20 years old and I was 20 years old. Buddies' band had a show out in Manyunk, Philly. Tuned up in there. After party at my other buddy's. Continued drinking. Won a 15 people rock/paper/scissor tourney. Walked into a bedroom looking for a girl that told me she wanted to hook up. She was with someone else. Boo. Decided I needed to leave. Got lost in the neighborhood. Remembering climbing a fence that had a chain link/criss-cross design, top part exposed. Got caught up on the top and slit my inside forearm pretty bad. Thought to myself "I'm gonna die if I don't get of this fence". Took off my stuck shirt and pants to get off this fence and decided to continue on without them. At the police station the next morning, while getting mugshot, the police informed me that I tried sleeping in a car, knocked on a family's house (in just my boxers briefs, shoes and socks) around 2am. Broke the arresting officer's watch. But THATS NOT THE WORST PART. The next morning, the processing officers were discussing out loud/with me if they could tell me what happened when I got in the holding cell. They said they weren't there last night but were told to watch the surveillance tape. They said that I was initially rambunctious, but I settled to when I saw the camera. Apparently, I pointed up at the camera, like Babe Ruth calling his shot, and said "Are you ready for this?" and proceeded to pleasure myself!! I immediately responded with "There anyway I could get that tape?!" Also when I asked if they had any clothes or anything I could wear to leave, they gave me a bright orange one-piece jump suit that was basically picnic table cloth. Step into it and it's velcro from crotch to neck. Nice parting memento since I couldn't have my one-man show!! Not my best night.

The worst thing I’ve ever done drunk is love being in a drunk state. I’m only 30 and now struggle really hard to stay sober. I see a few commenting they’ve never been drunk/don’t drink, so don’t start

Drove. Only once. Scared as shit when I woke that my jeep would have blood or dents on it.

I convinced myself I was a world-class chef at 3 am and ‘invited’ a sandwich that consisted of peanut butter, pickles, and dry ramen noodles. My kitchen looked like a crime scene, and my stomach never forgave me

Tested the structural integrity of the dry wall..

Drank a whole bunch of urine. My kids mom broke up with me(which she was always doing) I had just gotten paid and I grabbed a few 32 oz. Miller High Lifes. Started chugging them on my way to Jaguars which was wayyyy outside Lubbock city limits. My usually over active bladder really takes off when I drink(I rarely did before and dont at all anymore) so out of convenience peed in an empty can as I drove to Jags. I went inside spent most of my check and when I came out grabbed a 32 Oz MHL and chugged a bunch and thought to myself, "Hmmm, that tasted very watery." I had just recycled about 20 Oz. of biologically processed alcohol and water.

Slept with someone who I knew was in a relationship. We were both REALLY drunk and it was a one-off hook up, but it still shouldn’t have ever happened. I remember thinking it “wasn’t my problem” because I wasn’t the one in a relationship, but was so disgusted with myself the next day. Never again.

Just to name a few; Drove home after a long night drinking. Woke up in the median of the interstate and just hopped right back into the passing lane without looking or checking for traffic, luckily it was 3am and no traffic. Had sex with my friend in her house while her boyfriend was downstairs passed out (he was also drunk). We never spoke of it to this day but now rarely talk so it ruined the friendship. Had sex with a random chick I met at a party and had her drive me home afterwards. In my drunk state even after she drove me home I told her she wasn't very good in bed and should practice more. Never spoke to her again... Got in a fight with my brother after drinking all night, the fight started when I slapped his sister-in-law in the butt, she was married and I was too drunk to realize I was being a complete ass/POS. Those and many other instances are why I joined AA and quit drinking.

Yeah I'm not opening that can of worms. But I'm glad I didn't have a drink tonight!

Puked all over my bed and floor

Omg where do I start?

Lost a significant amount of money gambling. It really makes the hangover a lot worse

I had a short but crazy intense connection with this one girl that was so strong it felt like I finally beat the whole damn game and during a charged moment when I was drunk my ptsd got triggered and even though I knew I was wrong and shouldn’t have I went off on her real bad and said shit I wish I hadn’t. We tried to fix it but we never recovered.

I made out with a girl

I got a lap dance at my bachelor party, which my then-fiance specifically asked me not to do. It nearly ended my marriage before it began.

The one night stands 😂

I texted my friend telling him to check my story on instagram. Except I did not hit my friend’s contact. I hit my ex’s contact. A week after she broke up with me. And the story was drunk venting about her. Oh also I have still never seen Space Jam 2 sober, but I’ve seen it drunk 5 times

Maybe not the worst thing, but definitely the story i tell the most.... Almost sliced my whole nipple off on a mailbox. Had to fold the flap of skin back over and superglued it, then duct taped some newspaper over it for a while. I still barely have feeling in it but it was funny as hell at the time.

Oh man, once I blacked out from about 11pm until 5am or so. I was trying to break into a building in downtown Orlando when I came to. I won't drink crown royal anymore.

Having sex with my boss (the whole team had been out for the whole afternoon evening and night drinking heavily) (This was back in the early ‘90s) in the office before going home to a 3 day hangover.

Drive.

Provoking political debate with opinions I don’t believe in just to throw a big rock in the pond

My dad beat the ever-loving hell out of my 20-yr-old mom, in front of me, when I was 2. So I don’t get drunk. Or drink, period.

Woke up somewhere idk how i got there...

sleeping inside the bathroom...

Genuinely this is my biggest cringe ever - drove to meet a guy about (ahem) some sprinkles in a town I’m not from when the guy I was having a fling with (who was a total arsehole) didn’t want to drive. His contact, his town, my life on the line. Ended up driving round with some incredibly sketchy lads I don’t know in the back of my car. So drunk I wasn’t thinking straight at all. Went up a kerb in front of a police car and somehow didn’t get pulled. Got back and he’d fallen asleep so I couldn’t get back in his flat. Slept in my car for 4 hours. Drove home still wasted. Never spoke to him again and gave myself a very stern talking to. In my defence I was in a massively self destructive ‘f*** it’ phase and that was the one that shocked me into ‘this has to stop’ - never done anything vaguely like that before and defo not since. Yeah, that one took several conversations with my therapist to start to forgive myself for. Over a decade later and the ‘for fucks sake, you could have easily killed someone’ deep down moral horror of it still makes me cringe hard.

I started wondering around, left my fantasy football draft, I don’t remember much, blacked out…. I do remember, I saw a cat… went to pick it up and kiss it, once I grabbed it, I realized it was a possum, it bared its teeth, and scratched me… I’m lucky I didn’t get rabies,…

Made out with sisters because I thought they were the same person. House party the summer I graduated highschool. Made out with one girl outside on their driveway. It was pretty awesome. Got another drink and couldn't find her. Went inside and headed downstairs where everyone was watching a movie and found her and started making out again. It was a little awkward because this time more of my friends were there but I was in the zone. They were all like "no...don't....stop.." and I was like "chill man I'm just making out with this cute girl whatever" Annnnyways...turns out it was two different girls. Sisters actually. First girl was the one in my grade. The second girl was her younger sister who was two years younger than us. Even while drunk I was mortified. I decided to go home right then and there but I couldn't get on my bike without falling over. So I decided to walk my bike home and then walked into a tree. My friends drove me home and I slept out on the front lawn for a bit. That was the last time I ever got really drunk.

Can’t tell you 😑😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😁😁

La peor cosa que me pasó, me emborracharon y me maree con algo raro no se, y me enrede con una mujer, ni quería pero hacía lo que me decía, después no se que más pasó, solo sé que desperté con asco y vergüenza de mí, le odio a esa persona.

[ Removed by Listnook ]

The next day I was told that I squeezed my best friend's nose and it bled a lot. And she is a girl and I am a man, so it's been 8 years I think now and I still cannot get over it.

De las pocas veces que me he emborrachado no he hecho nada, pero si me pasó que me quería emborrachar en mi cuarto y compré dos cigarrillos y dos Azulitos. Me eche los cigarros en chinga y me iba tomando los Azulitos, y pasaba el rato y no me ponía pedo, paso media hora y no me puse pedo. Luego ví las dos latas de Azulitos y resulta y acontece que solo tenían 4% de alcohol aunque decía que era vodka 😭

No he estado borracha porque pienso que eso es para que se encarguen de mi la gente con la que estoy o mi familia, pero he oído que algunos se mueven y luego no recuerdan dónde estuvieron, se me hacía interesante pero pensar que sería una carga ya no tanto, además que seguro reaccionaría que no me doy cuenta dónde estoy

Another guy

Cried in the arms of my crush while thinking about all the bad things my ex did to me 🫣

Planned a bank robbery and immediately stood up , fell directly on my face, chipped my tooth and then tried to file it down with sand paper

Pukedd in my boss’s car

2 a.m. got thrown out of and banned from a Taco Bell on Penn State’s main campus for standing on the counter and yelling at people

I woke up and my friend had a black eye I found out later that we got a fight, and I hit him. Never trying to blackout again after that.

To be honest, I’ve only ever been really drunk once, and I don't remember what happened. I just woke up with a massive headache.

I’m sure I told you everything they ask me, I’m becoming very honest 🥲

Started talking

I forgot his name

Puked in an uber, which I was promptly kicked out of, and had to hitchhike home. I was like 3 blocks from my college apartment

I got black-out drunk and face planted into the curb of a parking lot...busted my lip open and still have the scar. (I kept drinking after the fall.)

Quit drinking

I was horrible to my ex husband verbally

Called an ex and got back together with her. She wasn't thrilled the next day when I broke up with her again.

couldn't get hard while trying to go to pound town. TBH I wasn't that into the girl either

Anything involving texting or shitposting. Just don’t!

I got trapped inside a bathroom because I couldn't figure out how to use the door handle.

I walked around a campground and collected all of the reservation tags from all of the reserved spots the night before memorial day weekend, and threw them in my campfire. I have no idea what compelled me to do that but I still feel immensely ashamed of the chaos I probably caused. The second I woke up hungover my first thought was "Why the f*** did i do that. I am a horrible person". I havent really drank like that since, for what its worth.

My ex.

I fooled around with a girl I didnt know while whiskey drunk (she was drunk too) and it was the wrong girl and circumstances that ended up costing friendships and all sorts of c*** that I am now realizing that 3ish years later are permanent.

Picked a fight with a guy outside a bar. He starts beating me up as cops turn the corner. He gets arrested and I walk away scot-free (after I pick up the bag of coke I accidentally dropped). And what made me feel bad is I’m light skinned and that guy was dark skinned and I think he was profiled. 3 years sober.

I need to keep that to myself

Drunk texted: “I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m embarrassed by my behavior” To my ex… ugh

Drove

We were getting ready to move and I had boxes stacked in the living room. Me and my partner were drinking Chardonnay and watching Spartacus. I blacked out and peed in/on one of the boxes. When my partner tried to tell me to go to the bathroom I apparently responded “this is the bathroom”

Crashed my bike 2 days ago

Idk there's so many here's two bad ones: Was naked and threw rocks and bricks through neighbors windows while screaming for help - Gf was sleeping in bedroom. I took a shit in the corner of the bedroom and kept trying to shoo a nonexistent dog away that was bothering me taking a shit in the corner.

Dunno

"I took a dump in your tuba?" -Robin Williams

Had a (protected!!!) ONS with a guy I met at a carnival party. 🫣

I put the cream crackers in the fridge. Royally caught out by the parents the next morning

Fell down a mountain. No joke.  Lucky I didn’t break my damn neck. Woke up the next morning with half my body including my face one big purple bruise. 

I had a seizure right in front of the club where everyone was standing and smoking.

I woke up with my girlfriends moms wig on and I ruined it. She had cancer. Yeahhhh. Not funny at all and it actually horrifies me to this day. What a dumb POS I was. That’s #1 absolute worst thing I ever did. RIP beautiful soul.

Went to an awful party, got blackout drunk, threw up everywhere, and when i got home my sister was in the toilet so instead of pissing LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE I decided to piss in the bathroom bin. I only know any of this because of what people told me.

started hitting on a girl at a full table of people in front of her newly released from a murder sentence husband.

Probably taking the worst to my grave but second was waking up in ICU from alcohol poisoning and a doctor shaking his head telling me I was near death and asking why I was throwing my life away.

Pissed in the cats litter box. Told the wife to shut up and leave me alone when she asked what I was doing.

lol which time..?

Probably cursed out the body guards outside club, luckily they knew I was drunk so I wasn't harmed they just told me to move along 😅

I had a friend who was shot and died. After a few years I got so drunk at this party and kept calling his little brother, my friends name. I even said "wait.. I know your name...." but couldnt remember. I was friends with him too but not as close as the one who died. But yeah.. lookwise they were copies of each other. I still feel bad about it now 10 years later.

I feel awful saying this, but me and some friends went into church at midnight mass on Christmas eve and smoked a spliff at the back using bible page 420. Still think about this from time to time

Not mine but was on a 3 month volunteer project with an international crew. One guy, Taki, would f*** off when the work got hard and show back up a few days or a week later. He was not popular. Another guy, Shod, would sometimes get black out drunk and commit antics. The last night was a big good bye party. After it we were all sleeping in sleeping bags on a warehouse floor and Taki starts yelling ‘Oh! Oh! F*** up!!’ And you could hear water splashing. Someone turns on the light and there’s Shod, buck nekid, d*** in hand and black-out gone, pissing up and down the full length of Taki’s sleeping bag.

Apparently I slapped my supervisor across the face. I don't have any recollection and it's so unlike me sober or drunk. When I'm drunk I want to hug and kiss everyone and be everyone's best friend so this still is odd to me 😅 I'm like, what did you say that drew that kind of reaction out of me?! 

I peed in the corner of my room (I think partly sleepwalking but it was just a small amount of time after passing out on my bed on lots of alcohol. So I woke up seeing all the pee on my floor and it was a lot.

I had sex with a guy I really didn’t care about but had had a bad night and needed some comfort. He had a tiny d*** and was a very large around man and it was just a miserable experience for both of us and I never saw him again

called my ex at 3am and cried about his dog for like 20 minutes.. he doesn't even have a dog lol.

Was at a house party passed out. Woke up and went to the fridge opened the door and pissed inside. I have no memory of this but was told by multiple people what I did. They thought it was too funny and didn't stop me or tell the home owner.

Convinced a woman to make a 1 hour drive 3am, then passed out 5 minutes after she said she is on the way. Woke up to tons of missed calls and angry texts.

A colleague shat in a pint glass and launched it at a manager on the other side of the beer garden. A brown gooey glass grenade, with shit shrapnel... It did not go down well at work the following Monday. The worst I've done is ordered a box of 36 wings from the dirtiest chicken shop on the drunken amble home, sat at a bus stop at 2am, hunched over like a revolting little goblin scranning the lot, only to chunder on the last one straight into the box of discarded bones and grease.

One time I slept walked and then peed on my friends PlayStation

Eaten Maggi with sauce .

I went home from a company outing (worked at a bar), very drunk. I walked to my bike and drove off on my way home. I don’t remember a lot, but halfway i parked/left my bike somewhere, walked back to the place i originally parked my bike, and was insanely confused why my bike wasn’t there anymore. Couldn’t find it, or was too drunk, so walked home for 45 minutes. Have been trying to find my bike back for 2 days but didn’t. I have absolutely no clue what happend between the ‘biking on my way home’ en suddenly ‘searching for my bike where i parked it originally’

During an apartment party I jumped off the roof of the poolhouse into the pool. Later I redecorated our apartment bathroom......I do not remember that. The girls I lived with made sure I knew.

Thrown up, signed up for a D&D one-shot, thrown up again, gone to bed, and woken up not knowing that I was nearly late for something. This was the only time I've ever gotten blackout drunk, and it was notably boring.

Mixed the light and dark alcohols together

Get 4 dui’s within 2 years… it’s been rough 😔

Started physical fights with a boyfriend and lost every time

Per my college friends telling me what happened, I proceeded to yell that I needed to pee and I decided to pee outside on some bushes and then passed out, pants down on the front porch in the 30˚F Oklahoma winter night.

I was at a party and the toilet wouldn’t flush. In my drunken stupor I remembered some hack where you bent the float a little bit and it would fix it. I bent the float the wrong way and it flooded the bathroom and apartment. I was asked to leave.

I don’t know about worst thing but still the most puzzling. I woke up and didnt have my shoes or phone. Had my work phone and used it to track my personal phone, which i found just outside of town, not on any road i would have been on that night. Social media stories showed, with shoes on, moments before i walked home (1/4 mile) Still have the shoes to this day

Scream-yelling The Weeknd as if I could hit the notes, I already knew I couldn't. Twice, do I remember hoards of people leaving in hoards during my drunk goggled karaoke sessions. "I LEFT MY GIRL BACK HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM-"

I once told someone I loved them when I absolutely did not.

I was on a date with my boyfriend and I got blackout drunk, bought $300 worth of drinks for guys at the bar (with his credit card I may add), threw up in the uber on the ride home and he had to bathe me. He’s my husband now 😅

Drift my way into the next morning. 

I dove head first into the shallow end of a swimming pool. I broke my back. It was stupid as shit.

Groped a girl i knew at party

Woke up in bed with my best friends sister

Cheated, broke up my family as a result. Sober now.

Gave a woman a t**** twister blacked out drunk. Didn't remember a thing when I woke up in jail.

Drive.

Woke up at 6am on my parents kitchen floor in a pool of my own sick. No memory of how I ended up there the last thing I remember was being at the pub at 9pm for a mates birthday I was 30

I have sex with people I shouldn’t

Visiting my gf years ago and got very drunk before going back to hers. Woke up needing a piss, left the room and somehow got lost in the hallway, couldn’t find the toilet so walked into her roommates room and pissed in one of their potted plants, they wake up and tell me off (don’t remember what was said) I leave and piss some more in the hallway, still lost I decide to sleep in the hallway and use the 6ft mirror that was hanging on the wall as a blanket. Gf comes looking for me at some point later, maybe hours idk, and I was just sleeping outside her door covered in piss and broken glass. One of the worst hangovers and all her flat mates hated me.

Drove. Thank god it didn’t go as badly as it could have

Rachel

Drove drunk. Back during my senior yr of HS at a house party, the girl throwing the party runs into the room “my parents are coming home a day early and they’ll be here soon, you all need to leave NOW”. I lived roughly 5-6 blocks from where the party was so I figured “f*** it, I’ll drive home, it’s all backroads.” I made it a block and a half then pulled over for the night and slept in the car. F*** that shit, swore to myself then I’ll never drive drunk again.

Stood up to go to bed. Somehow fell and took down my 55" TV and Xbox Series X with me. I now have a 75" TV and new Xbox.

I was a very heavy binge drinker in my 20's. One birthday I think probably 24th or 25th I was dating this wonderful woman and called her a different girl's name mid sex. She went to a different room and I threw up on my bed and fell asleep lmao We still keep in touch and laugh about it but damn that was a big fumble on my part

Worked with a guy who lived in Birmingham Alabama and woke up in Atlanta in a hotel room and didn’t know how he got there. He quit drinking after that. It’s about 150 miles away.

Drive

I'll preface this by saying.......I dont feel the slightest bit bad about this......so here we go.......... My cousin and I went to a party when we were younger, her boyfriend had just broken up with her. Like, literally right before this party, for no reason. So, we're drunk, I'm having a great time, and we look over and there he is with some other girl sitting in his lap. My cousin is what you might call a large girl, like tall and strong. So she goes over to them and starts beating both their asses. I was a small girl, and I ain't fighting nobody for her dumbass ex boyfriend, but I gotta have her back, I guess. So I sneak away and find his car, which is locked. But the sunroof was open. So I climbed inside and took a huge shit on his driver's seat, a piss on his passenger seat and then I dumped the (tobacco) spit bottle in his cup holder all over his back seat. Im not sure if he ever figured who did it, but he was so mad. And yeah, he plopped right in my shit when he went to leave that party 😂

I saw what I thought was card board box in the middle of the road very early in the AM. No other cars around so I easily could've swerved to avoid but I decided to just f****** hit it at 50 mph in my Honda civic. It was a cinderblock and I totaled my car.

Threw up in the back of a cab. I also worked for that cab company, so my coworker was sticking cleaning that up. I was blackout at that point and a couple days later he told me I tried to give him all the money in my pocket as a tip but he refused. I had over $50 leftover from that night. Never did that again.