What’s it like to be attractive?

People you don’t know are nicer, but the people you do know have a tendency to get insecure/jealous.

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you notice how differently people treat you… and how quickly it disappears the moment you stop playing along

ask yourself my guy

I don’t think I am attractive but I’ve been told that I am. I lost like 140 lbs and every 20lbs lost or so I get more compliments. Here are some key differences I have noticed. 1. When I was bigger people were less fake-nice to me. 2. If I flirted with someone before they would find me creepy. Now people will think I’m flirting with them when I’m not. This has made for extremely uncomfortable situations. 3. People are more helpful. Hold the door, let me cut the line, get something off of a high shelf. I don’t think it’s intentional but being more attractive does make me seem more approachable. 4. I’ll be told I have a “great outfit on” but it’ll be the same outfit that I wore when I was bigger and was told I look like a “slob”. 5. I’m not taken as seriously. I am an accountant and I swear people preferred taking advice from me when I was fatter than now. 6. People remember my name more often than not Like I said I don’t think I am attractive but I can compare being less attractive to now. I wouldn’t know what it is like to be a 10/10

Pros: - people will remember you even if you don't remember them - people are more likely to consider you a friend even if you don't know them well - people smile at you often and laugh at your jokes - people will do favors for you, even without you asking - job interviews often go well and you are likely to be chosen when among a group - free things and discounts are given to you - you can sometimes break/bend rules and get away with it - babies stare at you and children like you Cons: - people will dislike you for seemingly no reason or try to humble you in other ways - not being taken seriously at work - men will think you're flirting with them when you are just being nice - people invade your personal space or try too hard to become close with you - complaining about anything about your appearance is seen as fishing for compliments - some people only want to be your friend to make themselves look good - having your identity tied to your looks can be harsh when they eventually fade

I've never been at the extreme top end but I've experienced being unattractive and invisible to being very good looking and everything in between (I'm a guy). It's a spectrum - the better looking you get the better society treats you in general. A few things (not exhaustive by any means): 1. You catch a lot of stares from both men and women. You'll be minding your business and feel like someone is looking and sure enough, you look up to see them. Sometimes they'll keep staring, usually women will down or away immediately. 2. Strangers get a lot closer to you. On public transport, in shops etc. You notice women, sometimes in pairs, will stand really close to you but in my case they usually wouldn't talk, just get really close and flick their hair or talk really loudly to each other hoping you notice them and strike up a conversation. 3. If you're with friends and the most attractive in the group, if someone else (man or woman) comes to talk with the group for whatever reason, they'll tend to focus on talking to you only, ignoring your friends. I've experienced both sides of this (being the ignored friend and the one getting all the attention) 4. I've been wolf whistled/cat called by women in public a few times. They were always in a group. Twice they were driving past in a car and once they were all sitting on a park bench drunk after a night out. 5. You get touched a lot by random women in clubs, sometimes they'll come straight up to start dancing/trying to talk with you. A few times I was even approached and straight up invited home by random women I'd never met before when leaving the club at the end of the night (and these weren't unnattractive women either). Gay guys like to hit on you as well. 6. It's way easier to make friends with dudes (good looking guys are treated better by both men and women). You might talk with someone for 1 minute at a party/event, forget about it, and later on they're coming up to you asking for your socials. 7. You sometimes get attention and praise that you think is undeserved, and you start questioning whether the person actually likes you for you or if it's just the halo effect. 8. You still need to have confidence and charisma. Despite being good looking, I messed up a lot with interested women because I was still insecure and my internal mind hadn't caught up with my external appearance. No matter how good looking you are, confidence is still king. 9. That being said, confidence does come a lot easier when you've had tons of friends, family and complete strangers tell you how good looking you are. And that never goes away. Right now I've gained a bit of weight after an injury and lost muscle mass. But I have a baseline level of confidence because of my experiences that'll never go away. That I'm grateful for.

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The flies won't leave me alone.

Wrong place to ask

Kids under 10 generally want to hangout with you more and won't leave you alone. Also random people would be highkey rude because they automatically assume you're arrogant (a friend who was initially rude to me told me this was the reason she acted that way)

If you’re attractive, the world will let you know. If you’re ugly, you figure that out yourself

Well life is easier. BUT Im a man and i have experienced sexual harassment from women multiple times. Ive had my boss deliberately sabotage me because he was jealous that a female coworker that he hired liked me a lot more than him. Not only good things come with it.

I think life is easier, I lost a lot of weight a few years back and people are much nicer to me. I notice a lot more attention and interest from women too.

I have a female friend who is very conventionally attractive. Could have been a pageant model. I feel bad for her. People notice way more if she has an “off” day, like not wearing makeup. She’s been stalked before (yes I know can happen to anyone, shit, has happened to my ugly ass) several times. Women randomly are sometimes downright mean to her for no reason. People treat her like a beautiful but inaccessible object, like a Faberge egg. She finds it hard to make genuine friends, especially women. People non stop comment about her appearance. They mean it as compliments, but it gets old to me and so I’m sure it has gotten old to her because that’s all people ever say. She’s also funny and smart and talented and creative, but all people comment on is her looks. I can’t say this to her directly, but being her friend has made me feel really good about being average looking. It’s relaxing. I can dress up and get some looks if I want, but usually I just feel like I’m pleasantly ignored or at least judged more on my personality. If I was super pretty I’d always wonder if people liked me for my looks, or for me as a person. Also I don’t worry too much about aging or getting a scar or somehow otherwise losing my looks, but if I was super pretty I’d worry about it. I know it has had advantages for her also, people also treat her like a celebrity quite often lol, but I’d pass if given the choice. Too much work, too much upkeep. I cut my own hair at home and buy c**** makeup and it really doesn’t matter. I’m married, happy, and have great self esteem.

Pretty weird, everybody gives me looks like they're grossed out, but my grandma said im a very handsome young man so I know theyre just intimidated

Feels nice, you become confident, confidence makes it easier to act and move

God, I wish I knew!

I feel the need to be OVERLY nice and make an effort because generally people assume I am going to be a stuck up cow. Spent a lot of time working on seperating what I look like from who I am/my worth. I am aware I will not always be attractive and it's not something I have "earned", so I work hard to not value that part of myself. It's harder for my brother who is naturally shy and so people always assume he is stuck up because he is conventionally handsome but very reserved.

people are nicer to you for no reason and then get WEIRD when you dont reciprocate the energy. like sir i just smiled at you because im polite not because i want your number lol

My dms are filled with d*** pics

It’s nice when you get attention from people you like, and it’s a good foot in the door for dating… but if you’re an awkward mf like me it makes people idealize you in a way that isn’t great in the long term sometimes. So many dates where they’re head over heels until they realize just how autistic I really am after like a month or two of seeing each other. It’s even worse when you get people you aren’t interested in hitting on you. I’m a dude and women have genuinely acted like creepy dudes at a bar but like… at work… or events… or the gym… :/ They’ll try to touch me despite me trying to move away and it can be very overstimulating. Lots of ladies out there who are as unafraid to cross boundaries as frat brothers in heat, when I do actually go to bars and clubs it’s even worse. The biggest pro is that people just assume you’re good at your job, not sure why. I am decent at my job, but interviews and whatnot are much easier when you have the halo effect so I’ve sort of fallen upward my whole life.

You realize pretty quickly how much better people treat you… and how different it feels when they stop.

I can tell you bc I was attractive up until my 50s. When you're attractive, people are automatically nicer to you --- esp the opposite sex. Also, it seems like you have more opportunities. If I interviewed for a job I was qualified for, I was always offered the job (ageism is real).  But the downside is that I was vain. Subconsciously, I valued myself by my looks. I had a lot of character flaws that I've become more aware of as I aged and don't have my looks to rely on. So while my looks are diminishing, my character is improving 

Feeling insecure

Co-worker was this hot black haired girl, legs for days, olive skin, just absolutely perfect in every way. We became friends (she was married) and we would go for lunch some days and out in the street... every. single. guy. would do a double take and 90% of them would try and approach her (completely ignoring me) I asked her about it, and it was just background noise to her life - she told me she gets hit on in some form or another around 30 times a day (including from bosses) Sounds exhausting I mean, how do you know any accolades you get is because of your work, or because of what you look like - Some might say, what's the difference, well there would be a difference to me.

you realise pretty privilege is real!!

You literally feel a wave of heads turning around when you pass in a crowd. Some people get over lot conscious about it, some enjoy and like it.

Growing up, I was a chunky kid with a unibrow. A popular classmate once gently told me that if I plucked my eyebrows, I could actually look rather pretty. She really was very nice about it, even if her opinion was influenced by Western beauty standards. I tried, but I was 11 and I think I did more harm than good lol. The summer before 8th grade, I got better at trimming my eyebrows, I went on a diet with my dad, lost about 10/15 lbs, and I also grew taller, had my b**** come in, found my own personal style etc. Most of the boys also got taller (I was 5'4 in 6th grade), so I was no longer the girl that was bigger and taller than all the boys. I had several friends not even recognize me at first after not seeing them over the summer. Suddenly, all the boys who used to only look at me as one of them had crushes on me. Boys outside of my year were paying attention to me for the first time ever. It was a really weird experience. By the time I was 16, I was constantly being approached out in public. I was also far too nice, so it put me in too many dangerous or unhealthy situations that I had no idea how to navigate. "No" was something I was very uncomfortable with saying for a long time. But after several stalkers, a couple toxic boyfriends and too many guy friends who thought they were entitled to me just because I was friends with them, I grew a backbone and was able to hold my own by the time I was 21. I did have the experience of getting a lot of free stuff, the only time I ever didn't get a job I interviewed for (even when I was completely unqualified or inexperienced) was when I completely blanked when asked about my hobbies and the interviewer was a well known gay man who was obviously looking for someone who could actually do the job, not someone he thought he had a chance with. But truly, it was all more trouble than it was worth. There was so much drama. I was assaulted, harassed, followed, once I was even roofied. Both men and women took their insecurities out on me. I don't think most people would know how to navigate that. I met my husband when I was 25, he taught me what true connection was, he taught me how to be independent, to communicate honestly without centering anyone else's feelings over mine, he basically taught me what real, grown love was. This year will be 10 years together and neither of us look like we did at 25 lol. I don't get hit on anymore, the only men who bother me are older men who don't respect a ring, I feel like those in my life value me for who I am and not what I look like, and generally speaking, though there have been hardships and struggles, my life has been so much less dramatic and so much more peaceful the further away I get from what society thinks is attractive. My husband will argue that until he's blue in the face, but as long as he still thinks I'm attractive, that's all I care about.

I am a below average looking dude but I have an attractive adult daughter and it seems like a f****** nightmare. She can't go anywhere without dudes hitting on her or just staring at her. When she was younger people gave her a free pass in all kinds of ways because she was attractive and that ended up hurting her in the long run. Of course as a teenager she leaned into the pretty privilege and free popularity which did some damage in the long run to her personality that she now regrets. So definitely opens a lot of doors but closes just as many in a different way.

My sister is super pretty and while she gets the pretty privilege, she also has to deal with a lot jealousy from her friends. Also a lot of unwanted situations like some men secretly clicking photos of her. Shes also pretty insecure despite how pretty she is because in her mind she must always be pretty. Its the kind that she’ll straighten her pretty much straight hair even if shes going to the market. Shes very critical of herself and the slightest imperfection on her. I find it crazy how shes so beautiful and talented and yet struggles with such intense insecurities

I think location matters. I was much more attractive in high school and early undergrad. Guys would carry my stuff for me everywhere. The people I was friends with were better looking. People would always had some sort of gossip about my dating life(I didn’t date anyone). Now as I have moved and am surrounded by better looking people, guys are no longer nice to me. The people interested in being my friend aren’t very attractive. Everyone assumes I am single/that I have peak virgin vibes. I went from a solid 6-7 to a 3-4

Hard work. Honestly, it takes a lot of work. And that’s just maintenance. Then you get issues from criticism and so much pressure to keep it up. Then rolling the dice once more being unwantly pursued. Never truly knowing if someone likes you for you. Or just something to be paraded until the next fad comes along. It’s physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. Being attractive can open doors in many ways. But also a curse in as many equal ways.

lost 60 lbs and suddenly every cashier wants to make eye contact and strangers hold doors. gained it back and became invisible again. the world runs on a hotness economy and nobody talks about it

Constant upkeep

People stare at me often. I often feel eyes on me wherever I go unless I purposely dress down. I used to think everyone was just so nice and that was the default but I’ve learned now that it’s because I have pretty privilege. I have gotten lots of free things and opportunities. I get hit on a decent amount. I get creeps and dm’s from randoms in my inbox.

I've been told I was attractive and I'd like to think it's true. What I noticed was: -How easily men think you're flirting with them. Eye contact could've lasted 0.5 second and they think you want them. - People are very kind and they tend to judge me way less for some of my cringe or weird behavior. - People sometimes go out of their way, as in running back to me or stopping in the middle of the road to compliment me. - I get excused very easily for my mistakes - In a fight or an argument, they always assume I'm the victim somehow and they defend me pretty easily. - People are super kind too, like way too kind. They also go out of their way to help me when I didn't ask for anything. - You're expected to be in a joyful mood 24/7 There's probably a lot more things but that's what comes in mind. In general, I'd say life is easier since people are kinder and more helpful. It's pretty great even though it has its downsides, like everything in life.

Some people treat you nicer Some people (who are often resentful) treat you worse Some people act like you *must* be an idiot Some people sexually harass you or even try (and unfortunately sometimes succeed) to sexually assault you You get dates but a lot are only interested in sex You're expected to maintain your appearance at all cost

I don't know the answer to this question. But you can find the answer on your mirror.

Probably a weird mix of perks and annoyances. More attention, more assumptions, more people being nice for reasons that have nothing to do with who you are.

definitely not the right person to ask about this one lmao

- People treat you differently in public - easier to make friends - easier to get jobs - things just become easier all round. I'm saying this as someone who's been at both ends of the spectrum - I didn't get attention until I staryed working out and actually eating food. Very self neglected skinny boy to fairly athletic. It's actually really sad the difference in how you get treated. - But it also could be your confidence level changes so others pick up on that also.

If you're not in a relationship or actively looking up for one, lot of people will assume you're gay.

It’s easier. But people finding ways to touch you all the time f****** sucks.

I wouldn’t know… I’m short, bald, ugly and never had a kiss at 35

Ive been told I'm a good looking guy by folks who I trust would be honest with me if I were not. At the same time I know I'm not a super model as well. I'd be happy to accept being at a bit above average. That being said, for someone like me, I feel it's one of those privileges where I don't really need to consider my appearance. I'm incredibly lucky to be marrying my first ever girlfriend (met at 15, planning a wedding now as we turn 30). So I could care less about looking attractive to anyone other then her. But yeah, I think that's the biggest thing - I don't have to think about my looks often at all. I know a small amount of effort can result in looking well put together, and if I'm lazy about my appearance, I can comfortably blend into the background as uninteresting and bland. People neither bend over backwards for my looks not treat me poorly for them. And honestly I feel very lucky for that. I'm fortunate as I grow old, because I can see two paths down the road. If I age like wine I can probably pull of a charming old man. And if I don't age we, I have the charisma and eccentricity to pull of "Wise old Wizard". And honestly, I'm leaning towards the latter...

Playing life on very easy mode. You might be dumb as a rock, but if you're attractive, it doesn't matter as all doors of opportunities open for you. If you're smart but ugly, you gets many doors closed anyway and/or heavy criticized even for a small mistake. Pretty privilege is a thing sadly.

You have to take the time to have a bit of depth about yourself. Yeh it’s easy to pick up women etc but looks fade …. A good sense of humour and not taking yourself overly seriously will last forever

As a middle aged man that went from 400lbs to 210 lbs (healthy weight for my height) in 11 months, I can say pretty privilege is real. I get listened to more, I get a totally different vibe from almost everyone. I feel more seen and accepted. Didn’t feel that unseen before, but now I know the difference. I wouldn’t call myself attractive, but much more so than before (to the majority of standards). It’s a bit infuriating. I’m the same person, maybe a bit more confident.

Honestly a blessing, rip to people who were born ugly

You get hit on by old people more than you could even begin to imagine.

I'm not really qualified to speak on that. But I can tell you with great authority what it's like to *not* be attractive.

Doors open easier but people assume life is easy too.

You get attention you didn’t ask for good and bad.

It’s convenient to be attractive but painful to know how easy it is to lose the perks that come with it. All it takes is a bad breakout or weight gain or aging for all that privilege to go away. That’s why it’s important to focus on your character above all else, and recognize that while good looks can open doors only excellence will keep them open.

I’ve been told I was good looking my whole life. Still get compliments even now, at 65 years old. But, I was extremely shy and introverted until my late 20’s. I was bullied in school. I was verbally and physically abused by my step father. I had severe anxiety in crowds. I couldn’t talk to people I didn’t already know without freezing up or crying. Needless to say, I had zero self confidence and I truly thought the compliments were polite lies. As I grew out of my shyness, and slowly gained confidence, I started to believe that I could actually be good looking. But I hated looking in the mirror, because what I saw always disappointed me. Anyway, I’m much better now. I know that I’m handsome. I may have benefited from “pretty privilege” more than once in my life. I get lots of looks from both women and men. I can’t claim that my life was easier because of my looks, because it wasn’t. But, I don’t have anxiety about my appearance, so that’s a plus.

Having friends of the opposite sex is completely impossible because they end up trying to cross a boundary. It’s exhausting

A bunch of Jennifer Lawrences and Scarlett Jjohansons are lining up outside your house wanting to give you head

Like living life on easy mode

I dunno why dont you tell me, handsome?

You don't know if men are in love or in lust with you

I have no idea

Many people dont give a f*** about who you are because their envy and/or greed makes them more interested in possessing you than being with you. Folks want to date you or befriend you for their own validation, and once your personality becomes a little uncomfortable for them, they attack. Strangers feel like they can freely comment on your looks or touch you without consent. Jobs become easier to get. If you work out, you begin to realize that people have no idea abkut size. At my smallest, people thought I was huge and buff despite having lost about 110lbs. At my fattest, I was just called fat. If you become sick and lose weight, people will praise you. Wild assumptions about how you think and feel and how easy your life has been, as if pretty privilege cant come and go.

You do get more leeway with things in social situations. But if you're self aware, you know youre attractive but you also know a little deeper down, you aren't.

While I can't speak to being attractive in general, I have gone through periods where I was clearly better looking that other times. But I don't think I've ever been considered generally attractive. As others have said, it's just easier, in general, to talk to new people. What I can say is that by not being extraordinarily attractive, you have the opportunity to be invisible. Being invisible won't help you hook up, but it has all sorts of other advantages, especially when traveling.

Recently, it's been weird, I lost a bit of baby weight and have curves, but I also have been exercising so it made me feel more confident, since then I've been getting a weird amount of compliments of how beautiful I am, from both men and women... It's a nice ego boost, since then iv been noticed more at work, not for my face but how well I work and iv even gotten a promotion in the last year, feels good

I've been told I'm attractive and honestly it's not a game changer. I mean I remember what it was like before people started telling me that when I was much younger and to be real nothing is different now.