What’s something that sounds fake but is actually true about your life?

I once accidentally joined a llama yoga class instead of a regular one and ended up bonding with a very judgmental llama named Gerald

I cut my middle finger off in a snow cone machine when I was 16. I was making a tigers blood snow cone. When I was waiting on the ambulance, the kid who I was making a snow cone for went into the stand, grabbed a cup and scooped out my finger with some ice, brought it to me and said "here! In case they can put back on!"

I once spent an hour looking for a missing lung from a cadaver after the lecturer opened up the rib cage and spoted it missing. we found it. it was in the walk in fridge in a container. Don't ask, I still don't know. Also before lab, we as a class, would all pay our respects to Gerald and thank him for his guidence. Gerald was a head in a jar, and when I say pay our respects I am not being glib. We all really liked him.

I grew up most of my young and teenage years, in a castle. Now I live like a peasant again obviously (one of us, one of us)

I once accidentally dated a Nazi because I misstook his love of Germany for a love of bratwurst and Christmas markets. I only realized my mistake when he called Schindler‘s List a propaganda movie.

I was sleeping with an A list celebrity, while she is famous.

My aunt accused her chihuahua of r***.

Obama bummed a cigarette off my roommate.

I helped make a huge cake for Hilary Clinton back in 2007 while she was visiting Disney world.

I had a license to drive a main battle tank before I had a license to drive a car.

I had the opportunity to stand at the edge of a spent nuclear rod containment pool.

My dad’s ex fiancée blew me when I was 16 then then when they broke up a couple years later I had sex with her at my mom’s house… seemed cool at the time but now I’m not so sure. When I was 16 she was 30 — my dad was 37 or 38. They never married and I never saw her again. I’m 34 now

My adoptive brother's best friend ended up being my biological brother. ( Brother and I both adopted but not blood related)

If you knew me now, you’d be shocked that I was a right-wing evangelical for 22 years.

An Uber driver attempted to abduct me What was really fun was that a month or two later I saw a Lifetime movie with that as the plot 🤦🏽‍♀️ I have to laugh at it now, but it was a really fucked up experience

I randomly get super productive at 2AM and nowhere else

I have lived in more than 30 places. 

I've been engaged twice to two different men I met online, from other countries. I don't tell people because the few who knew asked too many questions.

One of the first times I hung out with my now best friend, he stabbed me. I became friends with an extremely ornery old goat who hated pretty much everyone and everything else in the world. The cops pulled guns on me because of the shirt I wore once. I am calm and collected in a literal riot but sending an email turns me into a nervous wreck.

My brother was in Point Break. (an extra but still...)

32, been neeting for 10 years and a virgin, it's a funny combo of being a loser, literally nothing's going on for my life.

That I got chased around the UK for about 2 hours by the police, at 16, did street racing, and didd'nt get caught, till *I* got raided...

That I ran an art focused business. Every single time I bring this up it must sound fake cause I always have to show receipts 😂

I can sense magnetic fields with my finger. At least moving ones.

the time i had to go fully naked in front of my friend and his parents for about 3 hours with only a cooler to cover my crotch. A story i will never forget

I graduated from uni…lol

I once had sex in the forest.  People would never believe it because while I'm pretty good looking, I'm also a quiet goodie two-shoes, nerdy guy that never breaks rules. People can't reconcile that image of me with anything remotely k****.

I spent the summer before 8th grade at the house of one of the Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz in Hemet, CA. My dad was her manager.

I have invented two gymnastics skills (which are still not in the Code of Points -- one because it's banned for being too dangerous, and the other because 16 years later it still has never been done in an international competition), broken a juggling world record (which I didn't get on video), and might have been the best Tetris Attack/Panel De Pon player in the world without realizing it when I was in elementary school. Of the gymnastics skills, one was a skill on floor that lands in a roll instead of on the feet. Such skills have been banned. The other was a vault. To the best of my knowledge, I remain the only person who has ever done it in competition (though harder variants have been done). In order for a skill to be added to the code, it must be competed at a major international competition, and I never made national team. The juggling world record was the 5-ball speed juggling record. I beat it, but didn't film it. My brother and I played a shitton of Tetris Attack when it first came out. As far as I'm aware, nobody was tracking any sorts of records for that game at the time, but decades later as an adult, I looked up various world record lists, and found that some of my typical scores and times -- like, the ones I'd get in warmup games -- were good enough that they'd be on the leaderboards if I could replicate them now. I did, on a whim, try my hand at speed running stageclear mode much more recently -- and got a top 20 speedrun on literally my first try (which I believe is still on the leaderboards, but has been pushed down to number 22 or so).

Not sure if I can put this in words, but I’ll try. I’ve started to notice how my thoughts are creating my physical reality and how they shift me into different universes. The shifts I’ve noticed I have been going on since around 2008 to 2010 I didn’t notice them until the last couple of years. But definitely be becoming more frequent and very very noticeable. The most interesting thing is the universe that I’m in most people around me Don’t notice it. Took me a while to figure that one out. I’m trying to shape my universe to be a very positive one and so I’ve really been consciously working that one out so maybe if you’re tuning into this one post I can drag you into my positive universe and tell you that things are getting better. We are starting an upward swing out of this what we’ve been in. We start noticing it now very subtly. Have a nice day.

I once walked into the wrong wedding and stayed for the cake.

I had a kangaroo eat my hair.

I’m 5’9.5-5’10 and weighed 160ish maybe at the time. Out of all the much bigger, stronger, and faster guys I played football with who were mostly all D1 capable. I was 1 of 3 that played college football

I discovered that my Mom was adopted when she was too sick to understand, she never knew the truth. Upon further research I uncovered that her bio Dad married another woman, they had 6 kids in the following years (30s & 40s) and NONE of those 6 kids were the Dad's ... and none of them had the same dad.

I got jumped and stabbed in the back in middle school. You know those tiny swiss army knives they used to give away with a company name on them, yea thats what he stabbed me with. After that I left to go live with my mom and at my new school somehow a rumor got started that I stabbed a kid at my old school and thats why I had to move to the new school. 

I got to fly a single engine prop plane before I ever took a commercial flight.

I'm a man and can have multiple orgasms.

I once randomly met someone who ended up changing my entire career path, and it all happened from a completely unplanned conversation.

That some of the best things that happened to me came from things that initially went completely wrong. At the time it felt like everything was falling apart, but it actually redirected me in a much better direction

I haven’t bought pants in 8 years. Nor dress shoes. Nor dress shirt.

I went to grade school with a person who turned out to be a serial killer, and Jonbenet Ramsey’s parents were my seasonal neighbors for a while in the late 1990s-early 2000.

Yes, I truly am an aggregate of mental and physical health problems and diagnosis and a functioning - sort of happy - positive person.

I’ve had dreams that actually came true

66M never learned to drive

That I'm even alive after all the poor decision making

I can do the splits and run really fast (for a short distance). People think because I’m a little chonky, I can’t do it. I once sprinted across a park because I saw a baby about to fall off the monkey bars. Everyone who saw me was amazed at quickly I ran

I share a birthday with my mom and older sister (not twins). It was not planned, just worked out that way.

I've had a full page 3 spread without taking my clothes off. Not sure many girls can say that.

I had a head on collision with a Honda mini van at nearly 60 mph when he made a left hand turn right in front of me. On a Harley. Was med flighted to Dartmouth Hospital. But if you met me today you’d never believe it as I completely recovered from my injuries

I’ve had three separate house fires, in three separate houses. Two of which were complete teardowns and none were at-fault accidents like leaving something on the stove. Just crazy unlucky.

One of my ex's begged me to invest in bitcoin back when it was $400 a coin. I was fresh out of college and homeless. Only had $4k leftover from loans with no certainty to my future whatsoever. He never has to work again. I do.

That I'm half Filipino. I'm 6'5" tall so most don't believe me. Especially over there.

A stripper saved me from being abducted while at a strip club. I am not also a stripper, I was there as a patron with friends.

I got stuck in one of those old school mailboxes looking things newspaper companies had when I was a kid because it fell on top of me while I was trying to open it to grab a newspaper. I was stuck inside it all night until someone came the next morning to add more sunday papers. Not a great experience.

I once worked in a birdhouse factory.

My teacher was chased by a Machete in the woods at night when he was found with an underaged girl in a bush. The next day the entire school was talking about him watching him leave the grounds for good.

I broke my d*** 

The first time I used tinder for a casual meet up for sex I met a multi millionaire and married her a year later (still with her)

Me abhi tak bandiless hu...💔

That I have depression, trust me even I don't know that I have depression but somehow I'm diagnosed with depression that's weird.

My parents are very strict Christians and my inlaws are Wiccan. Strangely, they get on pretty well but my mum has tried on more than one occasion to witness to them. They politely listen to the bible spiel and change the subject to something neutral. Neither have successfully converted each other 😂

I've been on a magazine cover

On my 27th birthday, Thomas Ligotti recited to me--from memory--a list of poets, actors, musicians, and artists who all died at age 27.

i can sleep over 12 hours

My coworker took her dogs to work to commit time fraud and clocked out at 11pm at a 9-5, and one of them diarrhea-ed in the Dog Hater's office. Somehow I didn't see it before Dog Hater got there in the morning, and Dog Hater didn't even notice it at first either, and then I walked back in with something else and it was very obvious. Dog Co-irker was sleeping in and wasn't answering her phone, so I ended up cleaning it up myself to shut Dog Hater up because she was bitching about wanting new carpet in her office and for her walls to be painted over.

I was offered a non speaking role for one scene in a K-drama as "Roommate". The whole thing fell apart last second due to visa issues and remains my biggest regret in life.

When I was a very small child we had a pet alligator. My dad still has the scars on his arm to prove it. Also, I had a tubal tie operation and our daughter was born 13 months later.

I met a hot chick on Listnook and we each traveled halfway across country to bang multiple times

I befriended an ambassador and went to his and his wife’s house for dinner.

I was once ambushed by a pack of dogs in rural mexico, they surrounded the car and almost got me. I took a chinese girl's virginity on a private beach under a full moon in the Philippines. I've worked with the american mafia and the triads. I was lost in a bamboo forest for a day and was rescued by tea farmers with a quadbike. i once saw a stick impale a man in a typhoon on the mountainside in rural china, wind picked it up and into him. Shaq once asked me to get him some cherry ice cream, then he rode away on his segway. I've been banned from many gay bars in china for bringing too many women, they don't like that. I once found $30,000 in a briefcase. There was a riot that broke out as i was walking down the street so i ended up locked in with a burmese family in their home for two days. I stayed with the Maasai tribe for three weeks, drinking cows blood. I have won beer pong championships in two countries (USA and China), won two full games back to back without missing. I lived on a sailboat in the atlantic. I retired at 25 to live on a citrus farm in Japan. edit: added two things

I get to see blockbuster movie cuts sometimes years before they come out.

I once spent more time arguing with an AI about something it was confidently wrong about than it would’ve taken to just do it myself 😅 weirdly made me realize not all of them behave the same once you push them a bit

I was a raging communist in my late teens/early 20s and was a member of my countries communist party. I even stayed the Antifa headquarters in Hamburg when I was touring in the music scene. Now I work in a corporate position and I'm pretty apolitical, haven't voted since 2016.