· 39 comments · Save ·
For Sale Mar 30, 2026 at 5:01 PM

Which movie changed the way you see certain “normal” memory or relationship and realise that it wasn't as healthy as you thought.

Posted by expired_mi1k

basically a movie that made you rethink your memories or your past relationships and changed the way you think about them. For example, in Lady Bird, nothing in that movie is obviously abusive, which is why it hit harder. The mom isn’t a bad person—she’s hardworking, stressed, and clearly loves her daughter. But the constant criticism, the little comments, the way she dismisses her feelings… it builds up. I watched the movie thinking that the mom didn't do anything wrong because my mom too would always make small comments, never major but those comments were really what shaped me. I developed an ed because of my mom's small comments about my weight, but I never actually acknowledged the impact of her words.
🚩 Report this post

39 Comments

Sign in to comment — or just click the box below.
🔒 Your email is never shown publicly.
TemporarySun1929 Mar 30, 2026 +163
totally get that. for me, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" hit hard. it really made me rethink how we sometimes romanticize toxic relationships and avoid dealing with the real issues.
163
daughtcahm Mar 31, 2026 +10
They way Clem calls them "the dining dead" because they aren't talking over dinner has always stuck with me. It could be comfortable silence, but not if you're not comfortable with the person. Really summed up the whole relationship.
10
Ragman676 Mar 30, 2026 +28
I was about to post this! I watched that after going through a bad break up I could not get over. This movie was both cathartic and helped me get my shit together.
28
i_relate_to_gosling Mar 31, 2026 +4
Not sure if that was the message of the film, but okay, everybody had their own interpretations
4
daughtcahm Mar 31, 2026 +6
Well now I'm curious about your interpretation!
6
i_relate_to_gosling Mar 31, 2026 +4
Well, the way I interpreted it is that we have to endure or go through the pain of the breakup. See, I watched this movie about a year ago, when I was going through a pretty tough breakup. I probably cant explain it very well, but it showed me that despite the unbearable pain we are going through, we can't just delete our past, and must go through the pain. Being in love is like a sinosudial graph, sometimes it goes up (happiness) and sometimes it goes down (pain or grief). In the end, after watching the movie, i kinda got my shit together, and said maybe its all for the better, and that i should not hate her. Also, the movie was quite cathartic cuz it showed him losing all his happy memories one by one, and it resonated with my feeling of not getting to keep her memories and make her stay, and im losing all her memories, and i can't hold on to her, and i gotta say goodbye. And in the end, if i was given a second chance to do it again or start over, i would do it with her all over again. Its not a very clear explanation, im sorry, its been quite a while since I watched the movie and felt those feelings.
4
Sciensophocles Mar 31, 2026 +5
I think there's a little bit of "learning to live with the grief" in there, but I also think the memory erasing plot device was just a clever mechanism to tell the story of the relationship while starting in media res. Watch it again, but not through Joel's eyes. Look at the relationship critically. It very much reminds me of 500 Days of Summer. It wasn't a healthy relationship.
5
i_relate_to_gosling Mar 31, 2026 +1
Hmmm, yeah that does kinda make sense. I'll have to give it a rewatch in the foreseeable future. Oh yeah, 500 Days of Summer, another great movie. I gotta ask, what was your interpretation of the ending for both 500 Days of Summer and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Cuz both had ambiguous endings.
1
Sciensophocles Mar 31, 2026 +3
I think they actually have very similar endings, with different implications. In Eternal Sunshine, it's like a codependency. Clementine and Joel both know that this won't be good for them, but they're going to try again anyway. It's a condemnation of them both. 500, I think, criticizes Tom a lot more than Summer. Summer straight up tells him his views on love are wrong, and then he immediately starts pining over Autumn (on the nose much?). I've heard interpretations where this signals growth, like a new season of his life. But I disagree. He clearly doesn't accept Summer's opinion of him, and Autumn, as a season, doesn't signal growth.
3
i_relate_to_gosling Mar 31, 2026 +2
I think for 500 Days of Summer, at the end Summer tells Tom that he was actually right. You see, from the very beginning Tom was infatuated with movies and believed in love at first sight and all the stuff they show in romance movies. Thats why he believed Summer would change over time. But she didn't, obviously. Now at the last scene at the park, when he has given up on love and thinks his ideas of love arent real, she comes and says that its actually real and it works, cuz it worked on her, just with a different guy. Summer had a character arc where she went from skeptic to a believer in love, cuz she fell for the guy she met at the bookstore, and got married like really quick. She felt something with that guy that she didnt with Tom. So in the end he is right, love does exist. Now, about the ending with Autumn, I guess its a cycle he is bound to repeat. Maybe there would be a happier ending, cuz Tom looks at us with a look that says 'you see that? Oh yeah.' And i agree with your view on eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
2
Sciensophocles Mar 31, 2026 +1
No, that's kinda my point. Summer's monologue is all about how she found it when she explicitly wasn't looking. No offense, but Tom's a bit of a creeper. She's telling him to stop trying so hard. He's too invested in the *idea* of love.
1
i_relate_to_gosling Mar 31, 2026 +1
Ahhhh, now I see your point. And yeah, you're right about the idea of love. I mean, the movie is from Tom's perspective. We only see her doing stuff that he likes too. We never once see her reading, and we later find out that she was reading in a cafe when she met her future husband. But I kinda disagree with the idea of Tom being a creeper. He is just a guy who thinks she will change her mind, im not sure if its creepy or anything, like he isn't following her or stuff, although he did punch that one guy supposedly for her.
1
Sciensophocles Mar 31, 2026 +2
I'd like to add in this separate comment that I really relate to your interpretation. In a lot of ways, it's a very romantic interpretation, and I'm sincerely glad it helped you through a tough time. You never know where the help is going to come from. I think this is a great example of the idea that the author only owns half of the story. The rest belongs to the reader (or viewer, in this case).
2
i_relate_to_gosling Mar 31, 2026 +2
Yeah, it did help me alot. And yeah, thats the great thing about movies, its that it can be interpreted in a thousand ways. Everybody gets a different lesson or a different feeling from same movie. Its amazing, really.
2
Aromal2021 Mar 30, 2026 +64
The Godfather changed how I viewed family loyalty. Michael Corleone starts as the one family member who wants nothing to do with the 'business' — and ends up becoming the most ruthless of them all. It made me question how much our environment shapes us despite our best intentions
64
crowieforlife Mar 30, 2026 +37
There's a quote I've read a long time ago, that if you take a random man from any random place in the world, and introduce him to all cultural and religious systems that exist in the world, then after long and careful consideration he will declare that the best one of them all is the one he was raised in.
37
Aromal2021 Mar 31, 2026 +3
Exactly — and that's what makes Michael's arc so tragic. He was the one who escaped, got educated, fought for his country. Yet the moment he steps back in, the system pulls him right back. Coppola was saying something much deeper than just 'crime doesn't pay' — it's about how identity and environment are almost impossible to separate.
3
neo_sporin Mar 30, 2026 +72
Maybe not specifically, but there are a lot of romcoms like Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Better Off Dead where you really need to look at the lense of ‘I miss my ex, but I really need to take off the rose colored glasses as well. There’s also Serendipity that sure it’s cute but then you realize in real life ‘I know nothing about this person I had a moment with and statistically we will NOT be compatible long term
72
berlinbaer Mar 30, 2026 +15
there's a stellar GIRLS episode called "panic in central park" thats also about that. everyones takeaway from the episode is slightly different, which makes it such a good episode as well. how sometimes you miss more the idea of a relationship and not the actual person you were with, and that theres a reason that they are an ex, and often time will not change or fix anything.
15
fillumcricket Mar 31, 2026 +8
500 days of Summer also falls into that category. 
8
UnrulyEwe Mar 30, 2026 +57
Before reading the body of your post, just reading the title, my answer was Lady Bird. I think that movie resonates with a lot of children of narcissists. The movie is labeled as comedy (/drama), but there are so many points in the mother/daughter relationship that people think are funny that gave me a knot in the pit of my stomach. But I've been coming to terms with the relationship with my own mother for years now and understanding that she is unhealthy for my mental health. I'm pretty well no-contact with her now, and while it makes me sad, the negative affect she has on me is even worse. The best I can do is to break the cycle for my own children. I'll never be the villain in their story.
57
tomrichards8464 Mar 30, 2026 +18
Lady Bird's mother is a f****** awful mother. They love each other, but there's no question who's most at fault for their problems. 
18
expired_mi1k Mar 31, 2026 +2
It makes me so happy that we will not repeat the same things that our parents did to us and that the new gen will not have to face the same trauma that we faced. You are so strong to break the cycle and provide a stable home to your children.
2
[deleted] Mar 30, 2026 +48
[deleted]
48
expired_mi1k Mar 31, 2026 +6
I absolutely hate it when they show that the girl chooses the guy with the dark past who doesn't acknowledge his trauma and in the end he somehow gets over all that baggage and is able to easily break the cycle. In reality, it's way different. Trauma is not that easily changed just because you shower then with love. It needs years and years of careful changes.
6
friendofelephants Mar 31, 2026 +1
I’m very curious, could you give some examples where the girl chooses the bad boy (in the end, I guess)?
1
expired_mi1k Mar 31, 2026 +1
There are plenty of Indian Hindi movies like kabir singh where the guy is toxic and is obsessed with the girl. He doesn't 'allow' her to talk or meet with other guys and she finds this possessive behaviour cute.
1
friendofelephants Mar 31, 2026 +1
I see, yes I’ve watched an American movie like that (The Kissing Booth), but that was rightly criticized by many for its toxic relationship. I tend to watch (and prefer) romantic movies where the sensible, grounded man gets the girl (think Bridget Jones’s Diary, 13 Going on 30, or Sense & Sensibility), so I probably notice these more.
1
alphageek8 Mar 30, 2026 +21
(500) Days of Summer is one that comes to mind. It kept out right at the tail end of college life and helped to crystallize a lot of those unrequited love type thoughts into just realizing some people just don't fit well together sometimes and that's totally fine. Applies to romantic relationships but also friendships too.
21
supernatasha Mar 30, 2026 +41
This may sound silly, but Avatar the Last Airbender. I watched it as an older teenager going through a very violent and rebellious phase, and it made the ideas of peace and philosophy so accessible for me (even though I grew up in a Hindu religion where these concepts were discussed, it never felt applicable). It made me rethink a lot about how our society is structured and encourages destruction, but it’s always possible to uphold your own moral standards and find your own way.
41
EdBear69 Mar 30, 2026 +12
Leaving Las Vegas made me realize that some of my “best friends” were just “drinking buddies” at most. And a certain ex-girlfriend had an amazingly toxic relationship with alcohol and benzodiazepines that I had somehow normalized in the course of our relationship. Even though the movie covered other themes as well, it made me reassess my attitude towards alcohol and the alcoholics in my life.
12
expired_mi1k Mar 31, 2026 +1
This is so true, alcohol is so deeply rooted in society and also widely accepted that we do not realise when we cross the line. Im glad that you realised this on your own and were able to come out of it.
1
MWH1980 Mar 30, 2026 +22
I’ll just say that Scott Pilgrim putting off not breaking off his relationship with Knives Chau when he didn’t really seem into her…felt very close to reality for me once upon a time.
22
paulruddface Mar 30, 2026 +14
Inside Out
14
AidilAfham42 Mar 31, 2026 +3
500 Days of Summer captures those moments where your perception and expectations are sometimes skewed to what we want to see and happen that we are blind to the telltale signs that it may not be going as well as you thought, and it may even be selfish to have these one sided fantasy.
3
NastikVal Mar 31, 2026 +2
Like Stars on Earth was eye opening about pressure from parents to be good at school and choosing 'normal' profession despite individual abilities and inclines. I grew up in pretty demanding family and never gave much thought to how toxic some things were.
2
TelstarMan Apr 1, 2026 +1
I couldn't stop laughing at a line in Beethoven (the movie about a huge slobbery dog): the mom said something like "Why are we listening to this doctor we've only met for five minutes rather than trusting our own child?". That was so outside anything in my experience that it cracked me up for two or three minutes. I was the only one in the theater laughing.
1
novemberchild71 Mar 30, 2026 -11
In my experience, it's the other way around: Movies show unrealistic, exaggerated relationships. Do one of the things your partner comments on being "sooo romantic" when they see them in a movie and you're likely heading to a fight. Rose petals may ruin the carpet, candles are a fire hazard. Reminds me of that inofficial "official finale of Breaking Bad" where it was all a dream the father from Malcolm in the Middle was having. IYKYK.
-11
expired_mi1k Mar 30, 2026 +8
You are right, but sometimes there comes a film like aftersun, Blue valentine or eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind that depicts life like it is or tries to (as much as possible), that influences you in multiple ways. These movies try hard to convey human emotion in its raw form. And i absolutely agree that they are exaggerated and sometimes unrealistic, but it is the interpretation of a person and how he/she wants to tell the story (the director).
8
← Back to Board