ListNook

your_freak69 Mar 28, 2026 +194

Honestly, I think real love isn’t about choosing someone once it’s about choosing them again and again as they grow and change. Knowing everything I know now, the good and the difficult, I’d still choose my partner not because they’re perfect, but because what we have is real, and worth it.

194

Rusalka-rusalka Mar 28, 2026 +21

I think it’s so true that love is a journey in a long term relationship. Good point.

21

PromotionThin1442 Mar 28, 2026 +11

Yep it’s about choosing them every day.

11

away_throw11 Mar 28, 2026 +9

You are right but… this phrase out of context can do a lot of damage. In my country it’s what you are told to do; but it’s also weaponized by the majority of men that after the marriage just becomes manchildren adding nothing good but burdens to be managed and parented without learning, the will to do so, not even the social expectation to be anything better. “You do this because you love me”

9

PromotionThin1442 Mar 28, 2026 +5

True but relationships needs to be fair for both partners in order to survive and only people involved can define what fair means for them.

5

loconessmonster Mar 28, 2026 +2

100% its why getting advice online isn't really useful if you're actually trying in a relationship. Even getting advice in therapy isnt necessarily useful either. Your relationship with another person is between you two. Therapy, advice, and generally any counsel is just for this you to get help on yourself and how to navigate what you're going to do in a relationship.

2

away_throw11 Mar 28, 2026 +2

You are right, but what’s fair might be tricky to discern for people that grew up in unhealthy dynamics and seek it again and again because they think that love feels like whatever dysfunction they grew up with… just food for thought in general, unrelated to you :)

2

Major_Fox9106 Mar 28, 2026 +4

I agree, there’s a lot of generally good relationship advice that gets weaponized or the heart of the message gets lost “Relationships take compromise. No partner or relationship is perfect. You have to accept your partner for who they are, today.“ I’ve seen all of these used to push people into accepting the shittiest of relationships. It’s all about context, discernment, healthy examples of love early on, and pattern recognition I guess.

4

away_throw11 Mar 29, 2026 +1

You perfectly captured the point

1

Internal-Blueberry98 Mar 30, 2026 +1

How would you describe love? Or the feelings that make you choose to stay?

1

Particular_Way8415 Mar 28, 2026 +57

Nope! There were red flags at the beginning and I stupidly ignored them. Spent the next 38 years mostly miserable. He's deceased now and I don't plan to marry again. The stories I could tell...

57

CloudedRavennq72 Mar 28, 2026 +6

38 years holy shit. I'm sorry you went through that but honestly props for sharing this because younger people need to hear it. Red flags don't magically disappear they just get better at hiding under all the other bullshit life throws at you. Hope you're living your best life now

6

Particular_Way8415 Mar 28, 2026 +7

Thanks, I'm working thru lots of residual anger and emotions and he's been gone for over 5 years. I wish folks planning on getting married or partnering would really LOOK & LISTEN in the early stages. It doesn't get better, unfortunately. It doesn't age well. The survivor is stuck with the c*** load of memories and deception they lived with. You cannot fix someone and some people are just hell bent on trying and end up mentally drained. I was/am

7

Major_Fox9106 Mar 28, 2026 +1

❤️ big hugs to you

1

Particular_Way8415 Mar 28, 2026 +1

Thank you.

1

7Seyo7 Mar 28, 2026 +1

Do feel free to share some stories if you want. If not as a comment then maybe as their own post

1

Particular_Way8415 Mar 28, 2026 +6

There was an abuse of alcohol at the beginning that I overlooked because of my situation prior to meeting him. I've never been much of a drinker and every, yes every, weekend I became the designated driver until ALL the bars closed. I had a young daughter at the time and was struggling to find care for her every weekend. I know, my decision/choice (retrospectively NOT good decisions/choices) But that's only part of the problem. After a couple of years of marriage I had the horrible discovery he was trying to molest her. Another humongous mistake - I stayed and she left to live elsewhere. CPS was called in and he lied like nothing had happened. He hired a lawyer and cashed out what little savings we had for legal services and to keep his name out of the paper. And I stayed😔 Fast forward a couple more years and I find out he is stalking girls/women online. I was nauseous and panicked and tried talking to him to seek therapy or talk to our minister. He went for a while then I found out he was lying about everything to the minister. He could charm the socks off anyone, and did. Everyone thought he was this great, kind, spiritual person. Oh, some found out the truth in the years ahead. He was volunteering for a missionary organization and they caught him on " adult only: sites and asked him to leave and never return. The paid leader called me at work of all places to tell me and asked if he could help. How much dumb is one person allowed in their lifetime? I said I'd take care of it. Ya mean like all those times before? Sure, I'll take care of it...you can't heal a person's morals. There is more, but I'm exhausted just remembering this much. I don't know who was sicker - him or me for not kicking him to the curb. Dumb, right? Not that this is an excuse for me but most of the time when I was working I made minimum wages and now had another child. I was desperate to have someone support me. Stupid weak me! Maybe more, sometime.

6

Major_Fox9106 Mar 28, 2026 +1

Can you share one?

1

Particular_Way8415 Mar 28, 2026 +1

I added one reply.

1

Some-Wasabi-7969 Mar 28, 2026

Divorce was ignored here kkkkk

0

BeLikeDogs Mar 28, 2026 +38

100%. Not to give myself credit for someone else’s goodness, but I am proud of myself for spotting it, and for choosing it.

38

Silent-Image8388 Mar 28, 2026 +6

I love the way you phrased this.

6

GhostyRushly Mar 28, 2026 +3

this is weirdly wholesome but also makes me realize how shit my picker used to be lol. took me like 3 disasters to figure out what actual compatibility looks like vs just "oh they're hot and we have good banter"

3

BeLikeDogs Mar 29, 2026 +1

Weirdly wholesome? Please elaborate. Also it does take a while to figure out what works, that was true for me too.

1

Expensive_Owl8293 Mar 28, 2026 +19

Not been married for 10+ years, but it's an easy answer from me - Hell na! He was the same as my mother just in a different body & toxic af. If I had a time machine, it be the only thing I'd change in a heartbeat.

19

RevolutionaryRock823 Mar 28, 2026 +9

I know that feeling. I was with my husband for 15 years (only married for 7) and I realized I couldn't handle the narcissistic attitude anymore. He was literally just a repackage of my mom, who I was trying to escape from.

9

MyCatTypesForMe Mar 28, 2026 +18

Even more so now, honestly.

18

straightoutofmaldon Mar 28, 2026 +15

No. I don’t want to kill the vibe but I’d really encourage anyone to make sure they are certain. Make sure their person has the same values (not performative values but actually cares about fundamentals in the same way you do), can communicate and can deal with conflict. I was naive, optimistic and in love so ignored the pink flags and doubts. 15 years in with children those flags are magenta, I’m ground down and heartbroken but as you’d expect our lives are so enmeshed it’s difficult to unravel.

15

P1nt_Siz3d Mar 28, 2026 +6

That’s really good advice to anyone honestly. It’s not an easy thing that you’ve been living. I do hope that it gets better for you.

6

straightoutofmaldon Mar 28, 2026 +2

Thank you that’s very kind 😊

2

P1nt_Siz3d Mar 28, 2026 +3

You’re welcome Queen, you got this!

3

yktoday Mar 28, 2026 +3

Sad to read but I completely get it. I am in the same position unfortunately. Full strength and support for you

3

Temporary-Stand2049 Mar 28, 2026 +10

Of course? I'm with him because of who he is as a person. Like u/your_freak69 said, people are going to grow and change but at his core, he's a person that I admire and am inspired by. It's been fun to see how we're growing and changing together and I'm looking forward to doing more of that.

10

Kava9899 Mar 28, 2026 +23

47 yrs together married. Looking for another 25, please.

23

Elisheva_Glovzov Mar 28, 2026 +18

Oh dear gods —not on your life. My first two attempts at marriage were stupid and filled with abuse. My 3rd lasted 20+ years (until his death) but if I could go back I wouldn’t spend my one wild and precious life with any of those wasters. I spent most of my adult life trying to shoehorn my spirit into societal constraints. F*** that noise.

18

ReflectiveEnglishman Mar 28, 2026 +19

At the risk of offering an unpopular opinion, my experience is that all relationships are time limited unless you’re prepared to compromise on many aspects of yourself that you would rather not in retrospect.

19

courageousrambler Mar 28, 2026 +11

Absolutely. She’s a fantastic woman who has been by my side when I wasn’t proud of myself, and helped me see that I am indeed a fantastic partner.

11

Electronic_Syrup7592 Mar 28, 2026 +9

Absolutely. We got married at 19, but I knew then how amazing he was. Many decades later, I know without a doubt that he was the perfect person for me. Nobody else compares.

9

Syinbaba Mar 28, 2026 +9

Yes

9

TheDegenerativeAI Mar 28, 2026 +8

Yes.

8

Lord_Blackthorn Mar 28, 2026 +6

Every day of my life.

6

ReturnToBog Mar 28, 2026 +6

Absolutely I would.

6

ohReallynowNo Mar 28, 2026 +9

No.

9

ptrchkaa Mar 28, 2026 +6

“To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be.”

6

Express-Front-3729 Mar 29, 2026 +1

Wow! That is profound and accurate!

1

FluffyCelebration422 Mar 28, 2026 +2

I might answer ’no’ when we’re in an argument, ha ha, but really it’s ‘yes’. We’re together almost 40 years. We’ve both changed. When you are “real”, you change… but usually it makes you more lovable like The Velveteen Rabbit.

2

Froy0_Baggins Mar 28, 2026 +4

No. He is not a kind man and showed it after we were married.

4

Front_Target7908 Mar 29, 2026 +1

I’m sorry 💔

1

Outkastin2g Mar 28, 2026 +3

Yep...because she's the same person that I fell in love with. That might sound cliche but 10 years later, it's absolutely true.

3

kat_Folland Mar 28, 2026 +3

My husband was kinda manic when we met (not diagnosed yet then). We got married super quick and he was still manic. But I knew his heart and loved him just as much when he came down. Well, beyond that because it feels like I love him more each day. I feel like I'd forget how to breathe without him. Our 18th anniversary is coming up in a few weeks.

3

bruceywonder Mar 28, 2026 +2

Yes. Unless you want someone fake?

2

IkidIgoat Mar 28, 2026 +2

Even more enthusiastically, yes.

2

[deleted] Mar 28, 2026 +2

Absolutely! I'd spend my after life with him too if I could <3

2

eyesp0t Mar 28, 2026 +2

1000%. In fact she is even better than I thought at the time.

2

bgthigfist Mar 28, 2026 +2

Yes

2

chaoticgiggles Mar 28, 2026 +2

I will most likely be marrying my current partner If i somehow got a flash of my life 5 years after marrying my ex i would have ran for the hills

2

Queenxxx21 Mar 28, 2026 +2

this a good question, but honestly I would choose to be single been married 9 years although I'm thankful for my marriage . I'm more of a loner I want be bothered with you when I want to not when you tell me too , controlling, always having to explain yourself I get tired of that I'm still married but if I had the choice I would have taken time out to find out what I really wanted in a relationship Before marriage and kids it's hard trying to keep your individuality while still having to cater to everyone needs.

2

Plastic_Grab6710 Mar 28, 2026 +2

." I think the romantic version of marriage I had in my head at 26 isn't what marriage actually is. It's way more boring, way more arguing about dishes and money, way more sitting in hospital waiting rooms. But also way more... real? Like she's seen me at my worst and didn't leave. Would I choose her again? Probably. But I'd also go in with my eyes way more open and maybe insist on some things I let slide early on.

2

Punk_Luv Mar 28, 2026 +2

God yes. If I could I would meet him over and over again across every lifetime.

2

apf6 Mar 28, 2026 +2

No probably not. We had a lot in common when we met ~20 years ago but I feel like we have grown in different ways and are really different people now. I genuinely don't know how to tell when you're supposed to work to stay together versus when you're supposed to acknowledge the unsolvable differences. If someone has the answer then let me know!!

2

rabid_cheese_enjoyer Mar 29, 2026 +2

I havent read it but I have heard good things about "too good to leave too bad to stay" https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/329141/too-good-to-leave-too-bad-to-stay-by-mira-kirshenbaum/

2

ShowmasterQMTHH Mar 28, 2026 +2

Yes. You know you're with the right person when you're older and your partner is a rock when things go wrong, is able to listen to how your feeling, react with empathy and understanding, able to fight their corner and yours. Things like looks, money, status, family, power are things that come and go, but core relationship compatibility and unity

2

GolfOk6373 Mar 28, 2026 +2

I don't think so.

2

Dark-Monster-Fantasy Mar 28, 2026 +2

I wouldn’t want to live this life or any other life without them.

2

yktoday Mar 28, 2026 +2

Unfortunately not. That said we are still married, we have been together since 1997 and got married in 2004. Lovely person but no, I wouldn't sadly

2

More-Barracuda-2480 Mar 29, 2026 +2

honestly no i was way too young and ignored stuff i shouldn't have ignored. would've saved myself a lot of headaches

2

Just_Anonym0us Mar 29, 2026 +2

Nope!

2

sati_lotus Mar 29, 2026 +2

I have a daughter I adore because of him. But my life is absolutely ruined because of him. I don't know how to answer this question tbh.

2

ChironXII Mar 28, 2026 +3

Loving someone means choosing them every day.

3

Comfortable_Sky_9690 Mar 28, 2026 +2

Yes, I will always choose my partner no matter what. Regardless of his flaws,

2

Adventurous-Egg-8818 Mar 28, 2026 +1

Even more so. It is hard to find someone where you can be yourself both good, bad and in-between and still feel comfortable and enjoy being with that person everyday.

1

thoph Mar 28, 2026 +1

Absolutely. He is the best.

1

GB715 Mar 28, 2026 +1

Yes

1

Training_Try7344 Mar 28, 2026 +1

After 39 years, so far. Absolutely!

1

bonestorm97 Mar 28, 2026 +1

I'd choose them even harder. Always praying it's mutual!

1

BarbaKnit Mar 28, 2026 +1

Yes, 100% Only wish I had met her earlier.

1

DerHoggenCatten Mar 28, 2026 +1

Absolutely, yes. My husband has only gotten better over time. He's amazing and the best person I've ever known. We've been together now for 39 years.

1

Texas_Crazy_Curls Mar 28, 2026 +1

Without a doubt. Life is a roller coaster and he’s the only one I want to ride it with.

1

KirbyRock Mar 28, 2026 +1

I’ll always choose them. Forever, even in the next life and the next.

1

OldSpiceSmellsNice Mar 28, 2026 +1

Hell no. That’s why we’re divorced ig…

1

Cedosg Mar 28, 2026 +1

absolutely

1

Lifeblossom13 Mar 28, 2026 +1

Yes

1

vinmen2 Mar 28, 2026 +1

Don't think I can live with anyone else now.

1

Some-Wasabi-7969 Mar 28, 2026 +1

No

1

distainmustered Mar 28, 2026 +1

In every single lifetime I will choose him. He’s my best friend, and my everything. 18 years and still going strong.

1

Pixelated-Flower Mar 28, 2026 +1

Absolutely. Been together for 13 years, 40% of my life. Never a moment I've felt less, and over the years my heart has grown fonder.

1

CreativeStag Mar 28, 2026 +1

Yes absolutely, we both made sure we knew each other well and it has worked out. We both have “flaws” but we each are working on them and any new ones that arise

1

18centimetros Mar 28, 2026 +1

Yes!

1

Meizas Mar 28, 2026 +1

Even moreso than when we got married

1

NarwhalTop1821 Mar 28, 2026 +1

Yes

1

Wild_Role3405 Mar 28, 2026 +1

I met my wife when she was 8 ( i was 13) and we grew up together, so ive always known who she was. BUT even if I hadn't I'd probably still marry her again.

1

Sea-Response950 Mar 28, 2026 +1

Yes. I would marry her again in a heartbeat, she's my world and my goddess, everyday I try to figure out what I did to make her fall in love with me so I can make her happier. The whole, everyday you choose your partner again thing isn't true for me, cause that implies that there's life without her. She's my everything.

1

brokedownntired Mar 28, 2026 +1

Every. Damn. Day.

1

Koie_Rei Mar 28, 2026 +1

10000% he’s the best 🥹💗

1

TrixieBastard Mar 29, 2026 +1

We aren't legally married. We've been together for nearly twenty years, though, so for all intents and purposes, we are husband and wife. There have been some challenges over these two decades, but yeah, I would absolutely choose him again. I already choose him every day as it is, so why would that change?

1

oldskoollondon Mar 29, 2026 +1

We waited 10 years before we married. Don't rush into things!! I wouldn't change a thing

1

Shoddy_Cup4182 Mar 29, 2026 +1

Absolutely. We've been together 20ish years and he's better than I could have ever dreamed!

1

PerpetualFarter Mar 29, 2026 +1

Yeah…..

1

Environmental-Age502 Mar 29, 2026 +1

F*** yes. He's annoying in some ways, but so am I, and 10 years later, despite those annoyances, he's still my favourite person. Just... Why is it hard to throw tissues in the bin dude?

1

something_co Mar 29, 2026 +1

Yes! Oh my goodness, everyday gets better and better ❤️

1

Common_Juggernaut724 Mar 29, 2026 +1

100%. She's the best

1

AppropriateDark5189 Mar 29, 2026 +1

Yep. She deals with my eccentricities, I deal with hers. She doesn’t expect me to be anyone but me, I don’t expect her to be anyone but her. We’re relatively normal looking from the outside but I do random stuff like decide I’m going to take a wall out in the house (I can do all the work myself). Or decide I’m going to get the chainsaw out at 5 am to get rid of a tree that’s been bugging me (we have a lot of invasive trees on the property that I’ve almost finished clearing) She has her own quirks but we balance each other.

1

Weird-Composer444 Mar 29, 2026 +1

No. The mistake of a lifetime. Don’t do it.

1

LAffaire-est-Ketchup Mar 29, 2026 +1

100% I have chosen my husband again and again and again and will continue to do so. We’ve been through hell and back together more than once and he has ALWAYS been my rock.

1

liamdrake02 Mar 29, 2026 +1

knowing what i know now about his snoring and his inability to load a dishwasher correctly? absolutely, but i'm charging interest

1

Turbulent_Ad_2185 Mar 29, 2026 +1

Yes. I'd choose my wife over and over again. I've seen nearly a decade of changes and know her secrets. Still the hottest woman alive in my eyes. She helped me discover that thick thighs do indeed save lives. And make nice pillows for naps.

1

bennwk93 Mar 30, 2026 +1

Not even a question. It turns out she is also human and has flaws. I’d marry her again any day that ends in Y

1

Less_Volume_2508 Mar 30, 2026 +1

I wouldn’t. We changed over the years and are now two completely different and incompatible people.

1

moonlight_angeI Mar 30, 2026 +1

Shouldn’t you get to know your partner well before marrying them ? I feel like a lot of people (especially in the USA) jump the gun with marriage and marry just because they feel like it’s a life goal to achieve rather than something you do with someone you actually like as a person and genuinely love….

1

Flaky-Grass17 Mar 30, 2026 +1

She is the one I know I love...of course!

1

MaximusOctopus Mar 28, 2026 +1

In all honesty, no. I would have rather stayed single. My wife is a lovely person, supportive, similar likes and dislikes. All good. But she doesn't value healthy eating habits or exercise. Results predictable. Plus, philosophically, I believe in ethical non monogamy. She believes in jealousy. We would be better friends than we are a married couple.

1

Disastrous_Map_9903 Mar 28, 2026 +1

I was with my wife for 12years before we got married. Been married for 3 years. We knew everything about each other long before we decided to marry. I wouldn’t change a thing

1

Would you still choose your partner for marriage knowing who they are now?

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